Phineas quotes from Phineas and Ferb

What is going on here?

Phineas

We made an animal translator. We'll tell you about it later. Right now, we're on a mission. Come on, guys.

See ya, Candace!

An animal translator?! I have had it up to here with stupid animals today! Why would you wanna know what stupid animals are saying? Oh, I can tell you what they'll say: "I'm an animal and I bite my own heinie!" "I've got a small cranial capacity!" "Look at me! I don't have opposable thumbs! I eat with my face!" "I sweat through my tongue!" "I'm a furry-flea bitten loser!" LIKE ANY OTHER ANIMAL ON THIS PLANET! [echoes, cuts to a rabid dog barking]

MTMan through speaker

Get her. [Candace runs off screaming in horror]

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Can't you just make up some kind of reducing cream or an amazing shrink ray device?

Phineas

Well, we'll see what we can do, but we're not magicians.

I'm a freak. [starts to cry] I'll never be a Flawless Girl! [a single, giant tear drops from her face and falls to the ground as Ferb grabs an umbrella and puts it over him and Phineas to cover themselves] There's only one place where a girl like me will fit in: the oddball show! It was nice knowing you boys! Tell Mom and Dad I love them—from now on, I'll be living amongst the carnies! [tearfully runs off as Phineas and Ferb watch]

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Phineas

All right, who added the 'evil' flavour?

[Everyone turns to stare at Baljeet]

Baljeet

It's curry. It's not inherently evil. [pauses out] Maybe a little spicy...

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Phineas

What's that noise? Is that your stomach?

[Ferb nods]

Phineas

Yeah, I'm hungry too. That trendy restaurant Mom and Dad took us to last night wasn't exactly satisfying.

[flashback to last night]

Phineas

Dad, can I borrow your glasses? I can't see my entrée. You know, because it's so small?

Lawrence

[holding his glasses] Yes, I think we got that.

[Phone rings] S'up, Stace?

Candace, are you sitting down? I don't want you to have an aneurysm.

Why would I have an aneurysm?

Someone just IM'd me that someone else heard someone else overhear that Jeremy is gonna call you and ask you out for a special evening tonight! [Both squeal] Candace, do you need medical attention?

Oh, I need attention from the doctor of love!

Paging Dr. Jeremy.

Doctor. I got a fever.

[Deep voice] Well, let me take care of that, little lady.

[Both laugh]

Wow. A special evening. [Phone beeps] It's my call waiting.

[Both scream]

Linda

Honey, just calling to remind you- [Phone beeps]

Uh, it wasn't him.

Don't worry, he'll call.

You're not on the list. You should have made a reservation yesterday.

This restaurant didn't exist yesterday. I demand to be let in right now.

Good evening, sir.

Doofenshmirtz

Oh, I forgot to make a reservation. [Slips Buford some money]

No problem, dude.

Did that guy just bribe you?

He didn't bribe me. He just caught my attention in a monetary fashion. Now, back in line.

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Hey, you!

Phineas

Isabella, NO!

LEAVE MY FRIENDS ALONE!

Linda

Cálmate Isabella. [Spanish for "Calm down, Isabella."]

[Giant roars and gets his fists out ready to punch Isabella]

Phineas

NO!

Smile.

[She zaps the giant with the digitizer, then is depixelated]

Phineas

Wow, Isabella, that was great!

You know what they say: The bigger they are, the harder they de-pixelate!

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Phineas

Meap, he's the most adorable thing in the world.

Really? Are you sure there's nothing, or no one that's more adorable?

Phineas

No, not a chance. [Isabella looks crushed]

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Phineas

Isabella, want to come and help me find Meap?

[Sarcastically] Sure, I still have to get my "You wouldn't know cute if it bit your legs off" accomplishment patch.

Phineas

Cool! Let's go. [Isabella growls]

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[Phineas watchs his cute tracker with a serious expression]

Phineas

[confused] I keep getting some kind of cute interference.

It's me! I'm endangering the mission, I shouldn't have come!

Phineas

No, now it's cleared up.

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Phineas

It's pulling us in! Maybe it's the space authorities. Did we do something wrong?

Ferb

Well, it occurs to me that perhaps not all of the modifications I made are technically street legal.

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Phineas, since you obviously won't figure this out on your own, I think I'm the one causing the cute interference.

Phineas

Don't be silly Isabella. I took into account your cuteness, and adjusted the cute-meter settings accordingly from the beginning. See, look what happens if I change it back to normal. [the cute meter overloads and shorts out] Oops. So much for finding Meap.

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Phineas

Candace, we don't build stuff to compete, we do it for fun.

Ferb

And for the ladies. [makes cat noise]

Candace Well, do it cuz I say so!

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What? Have you lost your minds?! You've completed humiliated me in front of everyone!

Phineas

But, Candace, this is-

Phineas, all summer long, you built the most amazing things, and the one time I reaching you out as a sister, the one time I count on you, you give me this?

Phineas

But, Candace-

No! Just leave me alone! [runs off] Excuse me!

Phineas

Candace, WAIT!

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Phineas

Well, here's the foyer. All imported marble, by the way. Here's the bowling alley. Pool. Telescope. Terracotta army room. JET ENGINE WIND TUNNEL! And scoring stage with 40-piece orchestra.

Ferb

We don't, however, have a licorice dispenser. That was a nice touch.

Phineas

Yeah, that rocked.

[Thaddeus and Thor are reduced to jaw-dropping silence]

MMandy

Nice going. You broke their brains. Come on, boys. I'm taking you home.

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[Candace is currently facing off with Buford in Phineas' game show]