Sean quotes from Nip/Tuck

Sean

[to Christian] Do you realize, between the two of us, that we've almost ruined a marriage and a business by sleeping with the wrong women this month?

Sean

At the moment, I'm grateful for every single surgery that's giving me the skill to make my son whole.

Sean

[to Christian]] Have you ever had a baby that someone else didn't think was theirs?

Sean

[to Michelle] So interesting when the hooker becomes the pimp.

Sean

[to Christian] I'm in awe of you, always have been.

Sean

It's not the past I'm worried about, Christian, it's your future. Liars don't just pick a day to stop lying. And if you lay down with dogs, you're gonna wake up with fleas.

Tell me what you don't like about yourself.

Sean

Check out this bombshell. We're getting ready this morning, and Julia tells me she wants her breasts done.

Christian

If you're thinking conflict of interest, I'd like to volunteer my services.

Sean

Still have a crush on the missus, do we?

Christian

Let the records show that I dated her first and passed off my sloppy seconds to you.

Christian

We're in the vanity business, Sean. It's what we do. Appearance is everything to a kid. It's how you fit in. Snip, snip, he feels better about himself, and you, sir, can make that happen. How cool is fatherhood?

Sean

I'm not doing anything to my son's penis or my wife's breasts. I don't want my family infected by what we do here.

Christian

What is it that we're doing, Sean, other than make people feel good about themselves?

Sean

What we do is let people externalize the hatred they feel about themselves.

Christian

Sean, do you know why we just bought twelves packs of ham?

Sean

Because alligators are finicky eaters.

Sean

Have you ever done twins?

Christian

[In a Sean Connery impression] Mother and daughter once but never twins.

Julia

Why haven't I had an orgasm in two years?!?

Sean

Because I didn't want to work that hard.

Sean

Did she indicate that if you slept with her she'd drop the lawsuit?

Christian

Are you actually telling me to stick my dick in the crypt keeper to make your mistake go away?

Christian

Are you saying I have no ethics?

Sean

I'm saying you have a history of liking your money.

Christian

I have a discriminating eye, Sean. I turned down Michael Jackson today.