The people from that "clothing optional" building are in your office. They're staging a protest.
All of them?
She's in there, too, Dan.
[smiles] It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
GRGrampa Robinson
You're pretty sharp for a...
Minority?
GRGrampa Robinson
My boy never had a chance, did he?
[She smiles and shakes her head.]
[on phone] No, no, I need the costume tonight! Yes, let's say something tasteful, conservative... say, the Roman Emperor Caligula... $200?! For some sandals and a sheet?! All right, all right, let's lay the cards on the table. What can I get for $19.95?
[pause]
[to Flo] What's a "Smurf"?
Imagine your cat threw up a furball that talked.
[At the restaurant's costume party after Harry dumped a witch]
[Dressed as a witch] Sir, I don't want to be nosy...
[Pulls her fake nose off] You were saying?
I know she meant a lot to you, but you've got to forget about her.
You're right, Miss Sullivan, and that costume really helps a lot.
FFlo
[Arriving as a biker] Can we make this quick? I have a costume party to go to after this.
[Dressed as a kangaroo] Anybody want punch?
Sure Bull, I'll have some.
How did you know it was me?
FFlo
You played Hockey before the mandatory helmet rule, didn't you? [Bull nods]
[Arriving as Humpty Dumpty] Happy?
I guess he isn't such a bad egg after all.
[Comes out of the kitchen as a Black Widow] Everybody ready for pumpkin pizza?
Nice costume Quon Le, but why a spider?
Wasn't there one in that nursery rhyme? "Along came a spider, and sat down beside her, and frightened Miss Muffet away."
[Coming out dressed like Miss Muffet] The first person to touch my tuffet DIES!
I don't understand it, Harry. Some things in this world should not be meddled with: Nature, humanity...
Coca-Cola.
Exactly.
Okay, Bull, what do Renée Richards, Christine Jorgensen, and Myra Breckinridge all have in common?
They're all people... I've never heard of.
[bangs gavel] Next.
Okay. Once upon a time, there was a mommy bird and a daddy bird. And one day, the daddy bird decided that he wanted to be a mommy bird. So he flew all the way to Sweden to a special clinic where they change things.
What things?
[bangs gavel again] Next.
[holding a paper doll of a naked man] This is anatomically correct.
For some of us, maybe.
Now, what happened to Chip? [Harry snips off the bottom half and staples it back in a higher position] Oh, my God.
Kinda reminds you of when you found out about the Easter Bunny, huh?
What about the Easter Bunny?
Look, I am sorry you were born... that way.
VDVincent Daniels
That's exactly what my father said. Just before he left.
Your father left?
VDVincent Daniels
I guess it was rough on him. His friends' sons played baseball. His carried the water bucket. His friends' sons played football. His carried the water bucket. To this day, I go crazy every time I go by a drinking fountain!
You mean your father walked out on you just because you were... petite?
VDVincent Daniels
The night before he left, I heard him tell my mother that it was his fault. He said that I was a punishment from God. But my mother was an intelligent and caring woman. And she finally explained it to me, that it wasn't my inadequacies he couldn't deal with.
[He looks Dan square in the eye]
VDVincent Daniels
It was his own.
[silence]
[guiltily] Is it true you can hang yourself with your own belt?
You can do it with your own words.
[stands] Vincent, I am truly sorry for everything that I said and did. You may shoot me in the vital organ of your choice.
VDVincent Daniels
Apology accepted. I'll get back to you on which organ.
You're taking me back?
VDVincent Daniels
Yes. Because I think you're being sincere. Also, I've seen your conviction record. You're good.
[Dan looks gratified]
VDVincent Daniels
But most of all I'm taking you back because it will give me the opportunity to make your life a LIVING HELL! You think you're a tough customer? Well, move over, Buster! Because I'm the toughest, I'm the meanest, I'm the nastiest little man God ever put on this earth! I'm going to make you run, I'm going to make you jump, I am going to make you slither on the ground like a snake!
GOD BLESS YOU!
[Dan hugs him, then leaves]
VDVincent Daniels
I don't understand him.
Neither do I. But together we can have some fun abusing him until we do.
[to a newsman on a portable television] I want you dead! If I could get to Albany, I would kill you myself! [throws it out the window] And I hate your blazer!
[He calms down, and turns to Harry.]
I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. Uh, Harry, I apologize about your TV.
[giggling] Let me tell him.
Tell me what?
It was Bull's.
AAH!
[Behind him, Bull rises slowly to his feet.]
[without turning around] He's getting up... he's coming over here...
[Harry and Christine nod. Dan turns and jumps when he sees Bull looming there.]
Money or revenge?
Revenge.
[Dan takes off his watch and places it on the table, then removes his shoe and uses the heel to smash the watch as hard as he can, then holds it up for inspection.]
Thank yoooooooou.
Life may be filled with pitfalls and uncertainty, but from adversity comes strength.
RRenee
Your Honor, may I address the court?
JHJudge Harold T. Stone
Listen, I don't--
Renee (interrupts him, turning to the galley): I...am a hooker.
Renee, don't.
Renee (continues): You see, I degrade myself for money because...I don't like myself very much.
Please...
Renee (continues): No, that's, that's not entirely true (voice cracking tearfully): I don't like myself at all. (pauses to keep from crying, gestures to Bull): And this man...made me feel like a princess. And do you know why? (no one answers, her pleas become more desperate and strained from trying not to cry): You know why? Well, I don't know why, either. (finally falls to the floor, sobbing): Can somebody please tell me why?!
Uh, excuse me sir, about my client...
Oh, right. Hang him.
He stole an Eskimo Pie, sir.
There was this girl. 17, beautiful girl, dark complexion, dark hair, and a welt under her eye where her husband had hit her. She was pregnant for the third time, I think. And the DA said they lived in a rat-infested place on the Lower East Side. She said she wanted her husband to stop hitting her. And as soon as I indicated that I'd send him to jail, zip! She changed her testimony, said she was lying! She didn't want her husband to go to jail! He brought home money so the family could eat! All she wanted was for him to stop hitting her! Well, Harry, I can't make him stop! IN 25 YEARS, I'VE NEVER MADE ANYBODY STOP!
I'm sorry.
God's in his heaven... but all's not quite right in the world.
Am I sick, Harry?
Maybe a little. But mostly, I'd say you're real, real tired.
[laughing softly] Ho-ho, tired... oh, I could sleep for a million years. If the bed they strap me down to is comfortable, I probably will.
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