[Harry enters the dark courtroom, looking at the crucifix-shaped basketball hoop that Art nailed over the windows.]
Harry
Can we talk? As you probably know, I-I don't subscribe to any particular organized religion. But then maybe neither do you, huh? All right, I confess. I've had more than my share of spiritual doubt. But then I've see some pretty glaring examples of man's inhumanity to man come stomping through here night after night... after night. You remember that guy...? Yeah. You remember everything, don't you? Well, I'm telling you, that one just about shook - shook my faith down to its foundation. And then... you drop a brand-new life right into my hands. Well, if I could just have the answer to a couple of questions. Like, if you've always been here, then where did you come from? And does man have the capacity to rid himself of his own evil? And why is the sky blue? Well, I can look that one up. But this baby stuff, boy... I'm telling you, that is not a cosmic accident. I mean, you gave us Mozart. Van Gogh. Confucius. Dr. Martin Luther King... [pulls a basketball out of his robe] And Larry Bird!
I find you guilty of harassment, and might I add, if you're hungry, go to a restaurant, for criminy's sake, or a grocery store, but leave that poor bird alone!
You know Dan, that's a funny story. It was the mayor's last day in office and it was a Sunday and my name was at the bottom of the list of a 1,000 candidates. So they start calling folks starting at the top of the list. You see it's Sunday and no one's home. So they keep calling down the list, name by name. No one answers. Finally they get down to the bottom of the list and voila.
Mr. Prosecutor, Ms. Gardener, I am prepared to listen to the testimony, cross-examine the witnesses, consider the precedents that I'm sure you've both prepared, but I don't think that's gonna be necessary.
I'm glad you asked. We will now take a short recess. During that time I order the defendant, Mrs. Kerr and her husband, Mr. Kerr and the attorneys involved to go to a nearby restaurant, sit down, have a cup of coffee, relax, try to work out this little thing.
You're crazy. I mean an attempted murder and you send the plaintiff and the defendant out for a cup of coffee. What do murders get? Brunch?
Harry
Alright my methods are informal. [Lana giggles] Hey give them a chance. They might work. Maybe just maybe, it will work. [Sheila and Dan enter with tattered clothes] Then again, maybe someday pigs will fly.
Yeah or he picked up the phone when we weren't looking, disguised his voice, took down the information, replaced the receiver without us noticing and we were none the wiser.
Your honor, I know I haven't been here very long and sometimes I, well something I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I'd like to pass on some advice that my Uncle Lionel used to give me: Talk with your head but listen with your heart.
Leonard Bloom, Your Honor. I saw the whole thing. Unclothed bodies, writhing around in the grass, contorted dances of lust, screams of sexual delight...
Your Honor, the defendant went into Blumberg's Coffee Shop and there he said unto Blumberg: "Give me an egg salad sandwich for though I have no cash you and all your descendants will be blessed."
Night Court · 239 quotes
Harry
