Bull Shannon quotes from Night Court

Bull

Life may be filled with pitfalls and uncertainty, but from adversity comes strength.

Bull

[creepy voice] We've been waiting for you, Mr. Fenton.

Bull

[normal voice] Boy, he looks like he just saw a ghost.

Lana

Strange day, huh? I'm sure there must be an explanation for everything.

Harry

I'm sure there must be.

Lana

Like what?

Liz

He overheard some policemen talking perhaps.

Bull

Yeah or he picked up the phone when we weren't looking, disguised his voice, took down the information, replaced the receiver without us noticing and we were none the wiser.

Dan

You will already be none the wiser.

Judge Harold T. Stone?

Harry

I'm Judge Stone.

Dr. Peter Stone, Windwood Psychiatric Center. The police called me, told me I might find John here.

Harry

John?

John Stevens. The man in the red flannel suit.

Harry

Oh that John Stevens.

Dr. Green, what a surprise.

Hello John. I feel fortunate. We usually don't catch him this soon after Christmas.

Harry

You don't?

No, every year he disappears just before Christmas. Usually manages to elude us till about the first of February.

Bull

You mean this guy's a fruitcake?

Harry

Bull.

Bull

I'm sorry. Alleged fruitcake.

At least I'm not some blue-nosed hypocrite who talks real righteous, but gets his mail in plain brown wrappers!

Listen, you, I don't have to take your kind of filth!

Harry Stone

[pounding gavel] All right, sit down, Mr. Bloom...

What's the matter, Fish Face? The truth hurt?

Not as much as my fist!

Dan Fielding

Nice catch.

Bull Shannon

You want him removed from the courtroom, Your Honor?

Harry Stone

I don't that'll be necessary, will it, Mr. Bloom?

I just want to leave here with the same number of fingers I came in with.

Bull

Personally, I don't see the big attraction about Mel Torme. I like singers that stick to the tune.

Liz

Like who, for instance?

Bull

Leontyne Price…Luciano Pavarotti…that bird on Sesame Street's not bad either.

Bull

The guy in the dress wants another strip search.

Harry

What a sickie.

Bull

Yeah.

Harry

I mean, gloves with a cocktail dress?

Harry

Bull, where did that baby come from?

Bull

You don't know where babies come from, sir?

Liz

Hi Selma, how did it go?

Selma

How did what go?

Liz

Oh, come on, Selma. Don't keep us all in suspense. How did the date go with Bernie?

Selma

Oh, that.

Liz

Selma, you don't have to give us all the details. What time did you get home?

Selma

Well, if you must know, very early.

Bull

You didn't have a good time?

Selma

I didn't say that.

Harry

You said you got home early.

Selma

I got home around midnight. Bernie got home around noon. Ready when you are!

Harry

What’s next, Mac?

Mac

Do the words “chow down” ring a bell, sir?

Dan

Your honor, we are starving. Please call a dinner break.

Bull

Sir, you can’t ignore your dinner date forever.

Harry

Hey, one more case. We’ll work up an appetite.

Mac

That’s what you said an hour ago, sir. And mine’s worked up real nice, I mean it’s ready for something raw.

Dan

Your Honor, if we do not eat, we will grow weak and then die on your floor.

Harry

…Next case, Mac?

Mac

…Anita Fries VS Arnold Burger, your honor.

Harry

Bull, call them in.

Bull

Burger and Fries, please. [A hooker and a man with his hand over his eye walk in]

Dan

Anita Fries, your honor. She’s charged with solicitation, prostitution, [Pulls man’s arm away to reveal a black eye] and assault.

Harry

In the interest of time, let’s try and keep out the insignificant details. Specifically the graphic ones.

She took my money, and she won’t give it back.

I have a strict no-refund policy.

Dan

Your honor, apparently Ms. Fries provided neither... ”goods nor services”.

Billie

He’s a pervert.

Dan

Oh, come on. One little comment does not make me a...

Harry

Mr. Prosecutor, I believe she was referring to your client.

Billie

Your honor, my client would like to show the demands made by Mr. Burger. [Hands him a piece of paper]

Harry

This is a shopping list.

This sicko gets his kicks off of food. He gives me fifty bucks, and tells me to spend it on ice cream, whipped cream, sprinkles, and cherries.

They're in season.

You want to hear what he wanted me to do with this stuff?

Harry

No, I don’t.

He wanted me to smear it...

Harry

All right. One hour meal break.

Harry

Bull, you look depressed.

Bull

I am. My word of the month is so obscure I can't find an opportunity to use it in conversation.

Harry

What word is that?

Bull

"Pentimento."

Harry

[after a beat, turns to Dan] So how about that Jets game last night, huh?

Billie

Bull, what exactly does pentimento mean?

Bull

It's an artistic term, referring to the reappearance of original elements that had been obliterated by a new outer appearance.

Dan

You mean like that little brown shadow on top of your head that you affectionately refer to as hair?

Bull

Good example!

Harry

Come on, guys. No reason not to try something just because it's new, right? Oh, I can't believe what chickens you guys are. Come on, food is not just something to eat, it's something to... [snaps fingers] celebrate!

Bull

[hands him a fork] Have a ball.

Bull

[quitting his job as a pro wrestler] Promise me if I ever do anything stupid like this again, give me a good smack!

Dan

[who's just lost a fortune betting on Bull] I promise.

Bull

Thank you.

Dan

My pleasure.

Bull

[about the Soviet Union] It's really that bad back there?

You ever been to Milwaukee?

Bull

Yeah.

Well, close your eyes. Please? [Bull does] When you open your eyes, you're going to be in the middle of Milwaukee. No matter where you go, you walk, run, or fly, you're always going to be in the middle of Milwaukee. You can grab a a car, and drive two thousand miles away, you're still going to be in the middle of...

Bull

[clutching his head] NO! STOP, STOP IT! [rushes away]

[to his brother] Works every time.