Selma Hacker quotes from Night Court

You know, if it weren't for Eve, there'd be no reason for you to wear any clothes.

Selma

She did it so we could get some work done.

Tell me, do you worship regularly?

Selma

Honey, at my age, I don't do anything regularly.

Dan

I am depressed.

Liz

Who wouldn't be? International crises threaten us with the possibility of nuclear holocaust and the increase in violent crime has raised the odds that one of us is gonna be murdered in our sleep tonight.

Selma

That ought to perk him up.

Selma

Slow down.

Lana

I feel great. Thanks. Whatever the medication is, it seems to be working. I don't feel so drained anymore. You know, I feel vigorous ... like I could ride my bike around the park.

Selma

You know, my doctor made me get one of those exercise bicycles.

Lana

Really? Does it have one of those little machines on it that measures your blood pressure and your pulse rate?

Selma

Used to, but I took it off.

Lana

Why?

Selma

Make room for the ashtray.

Well, hello again.

Selma

I gotta gun, Bernie.

You look very sexy in that uniform.

Selma

Bullets, Bernie. I got those too.

Liz

Hi Selma, how did it go?

Selma

How did what go?

Liz

Oh, come on, Selma. Don't keep us all in suspense. How did the date go with Bernie?

Selma

Oh, that.

Liz

Selma, you don't have to give us all the details. What time did you get home?

Selma

Well, if you must know, very early.

Bull

You didn't have a good time?

Selma

I didn't say that.

Harry

You said you got home early.

Selma

I got home around midnight. Bernie got home around noon. Ready when you are!

No! You can't put a price on love!

Selma

[to Bull] He must be from out of town.