Mr. James quotes from NewsRadio

You know, back in the service we used to have a saying, "You can't expect the troops to salute you if you're sleeping with the sergeant."

Dave

(confused) What... what branch of the service were you in sir?

Hey Dave.

Dave

Hey Mr. James.

Something troubling you?

Dave

Yeah.

Work related?

Dave

No.

Girl?

Dave

Yeah.

Lisa?

Dave

Between you and me?

Yes.

Dave

Yes.

Problem?

Dave

Big fight.

Due to?

Dave

Argument.

Issue?

Dave

Temper.

Hers?

Dave

Mine.

Hit her?

Dave

No!

Throw something?

Dave

No.

Call her a name?

Dave

Yes.

What?

Dave

B-word.

Bitch?

Dave

Yes.

Hot dog, now you're talkin'!

Melanie, I'm single, you're single, what do you say we get married?

Well I'm glad you finally decided on the direct approach.

Yeah, well I'm a businessman at heart.

As am I. What's your offer?

Single rich male seeks matrimony.

Primary residence?

Westchester County.

Would you be open to considering a secondary residence in Manhattan?

Central Park West?

South.

Done. Time spent together.

Eight hours, five days a week.

Seven hours, twelve hours weekends.

Fifty-five hours aggregate, specifics to be determined later.

I'm amenable to that. Children.

One.

Three.

Two.

Done. But one of them has to be a male.

I'll see what I can do. Vacations.

December, Hawaii.

June. The Vineyard.

June fine, but Hawaii.

Nope, the Vineyard.

Is that a deal breaker for you?

I'm afraid so.

Me too. Well we gave it a shot.

It's almost 12:00. Is anybody gonna try to talk me out of this?

Matthew

Nope. Cause we don't have to.

Why is that Matthew?

Matthew

Well, because I took the liberty of turning the clock back ten minutes, it is actually 12:05, which means you missed your midnight deadline... yes!

Matthew, that 12:00 was just a loose guideline. I'm dealing with a corporation here, not magical fairies.

Dave, you're the boss. You're supposed to be thick-skinned.

Dave

I'm plenty thick-skinned.

Oh yeah, I've seen thicker skin on a bowl of pudding. Here, check this out...

Dave

Sir, you really don't have to do that to impress me.

You wanna know the secret?

Dave

Wild guess... thick skin?

Well, metaphysically, yes. Technically speaking, you do it 15, 16 times it kills all the nerve endings in your hand.

Negotiation Secret #7: The early bird...

Beth

Gets the worm?

No, gets the other bird's throat ripped out faster.

Beth

What was the saddest movie you ever saw?

Oh, Wall Street, where that guy loses all the money.

Dave

Wait a minute, you carry your contract around?

Bill

At a time like this it doesn't seem so crazy, does it?

Page 15, article 4, paragraph 1.

Bill

"Contract transferable to third party in case of sale, merger, corporate restructuring, liquidation, bankruptcy and/or act of God"--it doesn't say anything about--

Read your act of God, clause and clarification.

Bill

Jimmy James will hereafter and for the purposes of this contract only [realization sets in] be referred to as God.

Dave

Sir, can I see you in my office for a moment?

All right, you know the opponents...

Lisa

Check.

You know the odds...

Lisa

Check.

And you know the stakes.

Lisa

Check. Now, how do you play poker?

Bill seems happy with 'adequate.'

Catherine

Bill thinks having a bird crap on him is a compliment from the gods!

I'm sorry Dave, but a budget is a budget is a budget, to paraphrase...

Dave

Gertrude Stein

What?

Dave

Yeah, "A rose is a rose is a rose"

That's really pretty Dave but can we get back to the budget!

You are totally under siege out there! It's just like that movie. What's its name?

Dave

"Under Siege"?

No.

Dave

"Under Siege 2"?

No.

Dave

"Under Siege 3"?

That's the one.

Lisa

I don't think they made an "Under Siege 3".

Hey, I can dream, can't I?

Beth

Doesn't he wonder how the candy got there?

Nah, I think in Matthew's world candy elves are a common occurrence.

Lisa

You're Canadian?

I am?

Lisa

Not you, sir. Him.

Oh no. Dave? He's from the Midwest, the heart of America where the real Americans live. You're as American as apple pie, aren't you, Dave?

Dave

Yeah.

Lisa

Then what is this all about?

Dave

What's what all ab- uh... What's what?

Lisa

You're afraid to say it, aren't you.

Dave

No.

Lisa

Yes, you are.

Dave

No.

Lisa

Yes, you are. If you have nothing to hide, say "about".

Dave

No.

Lisa

Say it.

Dave

No.

Lisa

Say "out".

Dave

No.

Lisa

House. Couch.

Dave

Your honor, I plead the fifth.

Lisa

I don't know if you have that right.

Dave

I do too, eh.

Oh my God.

[about the word "non-profit"] It's an oxymoron.

Dave

You mean like military intelligence.

Yeah, or Swiss cheese.