Max Lewis quotes from NewsRadio

Max

You there! Who are you?

Joe

Joe, the electrician.

Max

I don't have time for names! Tell me about the news!

Joe

You mean the crap they pass off as news or the real news the government thinks we're too stupid to know?

Max

You are no help to me and obviously drunk!

Dave

Max, everyone is just a little bit weird.

Max

I collect buttons.

Dave

That sounds like a normal hobby.

Max

And rubber bands. I put peanut butter on absolutely everything, even steak.

Dave

Well, it's an acquired taste, but it's hardly...

Max

I still have the sweater my mother knitted for me when I was a baby.

Dave

That's sweet.

Max

...and I'm wearing it right now.

Lisa

How could you do that?

Max

Do what?

Lisa

Steal my idea. "This Day In History" was my idea.

Max

You should be glad that I took your little idea and gave it a little of that Max Louis pinish.

Lisa

First of all, the word is pronounced "panache", and second of all, it was incredibly inaccurate.

Max

That's part of the pinish!

Lisa

You are pathetic.

Max

Well, obviously!

Max

Johnny, Mr. James might be going to prison. Why are we celebrating?

Johnny Johnson

Care to take this one, Dave?

Dave

Johnny wants Jimmy in jail. It is all part of his evil plan. You know, the evil plan I've been warning you about.

Johnny Johnson

Bingo.

Beth

I speak for the whole staff.

Max, does Beth speak for you?

Max

No.

Jimmy

Then why are you helping her?

Max

Because she's a pretty girl with red hair.

Beth

It's gonna be tough to decide between you two.

Max

Well, I have a solution that avoids the problem all together.

Oh, you do?

Max

I have decided to vote.

Dave

That's great, Max.

Max

...for myself. I want this apartment - and I shall have it!

Beth

All dogs are male, all cats are female.

Lisa

Daisy is most definitely, and I mean definitely, a girl.

Max

We're not disputing that. It's not a matter of sex, it's a matter of gender.

Lisa

Sex and gender are the same thing.

Max

Not so. I would much rather have sex than gender.

Lisa

Well, seeing as you have neither, that must be very sad for you.

Max

I have spring fever, and there's only one cure for that.

Lisa

Euthanasia?

Joe

Lisa, again with the job descriptions. Look, even if Dave does go totally psycho, he's not gonna fire anyone.

Lisa

Well, what if he does?

Max

Well, what if it's you?

Lisa

What are you, high?

Dave

Max, the break room is not your personal hunting ground.

Max

I know. I prefer to think of it as a game preserve, where everyone is free to take their best shot.