Catherine Duke quotes from NewsRadio

Catherine

(reading the news) Tragedy struck today in Sector 9 as rebel terrorists blew up the Death Star killing thousands. The Rebel Alliance, a fringe group of Anti-Empire fanatics, has claimed responsibility for the terrorist act. Fortunately Lord Vader escaped without harm. Our hearts go out to the families of the victims.

Catherine

I realize no one can actually predict the future, but I understand you have a unique insight into where we might be headed as we approach the turn of the century.

Yeah, I do. As I see it, Catherine, the future of business, well, the future of this country in fact is... computers.

Catherine

Computers. Okay, would you care to elaborate on that?

Oh, you bet! I think computers are great! You can keep records on them, play games. They're, well, they're like magic.

Catherine

Uh-huh...

I mean, I don't have one yet. But I'm gonna get one, you better believe that.

Catherine

What exactly do you do for a living, Tom?

Well, I'm between things right now, but all that's gonna change just as soon as I get a computer!

Dave

But he is a rat, right? Doesn't anyone find that disgusting?

Catherine

Oh, he's cute Dave. Just pokes his little head out when it's quiet and sometimes we feed him potato chips.

And Fig Newtons!

Dave

[faking a laugh] Aw gosh, [turning serious] does anyone here remember a little thing called the Black Plague?

Catherine

If you ever broadcast my age over the air again I will beat you to death with your own microphone!

Bill

[laughing] You may be 36, but you still have all the spark and sass of a 35 year old!

Dave

Hi, Bill...something wrong with your leg?

Bill

Not that I'm aware of, but thanks for asking.

Dave

If there's nothing wrong with your leg, then why the cane?

Bill

The what?

Dave

The cane. Your walking stick.

Bill

Oh, you mean my cane. Picked her up at an antique store over lunch. They say she's over a hundred years old. Hand-carved mahogany with a solid brass tip. What's the matter, Dave? Don't you like my cane?

Dave

Again, Bill, why do you have a cane?

Bill

You like my cane, don't you, Catherine?

Catherine

It's a cane, Bill. Who cares?

Bill

[laughing] You see, it's just like that saying: "Everybody loves a cane."

Dave

No, Bill, I believe the saying is "Everybody loves a clown", which is what you look like with that thing.

Bill

Ahh! You're jealous of her, aren't you?

Dave

No, Bill, I'm not jealous of her. It's just that it's such an obvious affectation, a desperate bid for attention.

Bill

Maybe. Or maybe I just like canes.

Catherine

This is the most childish stunt you have ever pulled.

Bill

Au contraire, my dear. Gluing your pencils together was the most childish stunt I ever pulled.

Catherine

Joe, get this off there. Get it off there, okay?

Joe

You can't take something off the Internet.

Catherine

What?

Joe

It's like trying to take pee out of a swimming pool. It's in there, it's in there.

Bill

I know when I'm not wanted.

Catherine

Then why haven't you left before?

Bill seems happy with 'adequate.'

Catherine

Bill thinks having a bird crap on him is a compliment from the gods!

Bill

I'll tell you what I'm high on...freedom!

Catherine

Bill, you're locked up in a mental institution.

Bill

And I've never felt freer.

Dave

[about Bill] Oh God, I have created a monster.

Catherine

No, he was already a monster. You just made him a very popular monster.