Beth quotes from NewsRadio

Beth

Theo makes me think he's doing one thing but he's really doing something else. He's just like every other guy I've dated except he uses props.

Beth

That must be so demeaning, just getting coffee for people all day... Wait a minute...

Beth

Fire him as soon as he walks out that door.

Dave

Excuse me?

Beth

Fire him right here, right now, in front of everyone. Trust me, it will help you down the line. You're not exactly establishing yourself as an authority figure with the staff.

Bill

She's right, you know.

Beth

It's like, you know how they say when it's your first day in prison, you should act crazy and beat someone with a chair so nobody will mess with you?

Dave

I've never actually heard that before, Beth.

Beth

Dave, there is no avoiding it. When you make out with a co-worker, you have an ugly scene in the office and then the next thing you know, I am at home crying my eyes out because I'm afraid to come into work the next morning!

Dave

We're not talking about me any more, are we?

Beth

No, we're not, Dave. We're talking about me now.

Dave

You and, uh...

Beth

The Fed-Ex guy.

Dave

We don't use Fed-Ex.

Beth

Not any more.

Beth

Okay, now I assume you're giving Lisa the Big Bonus, right? I mean, in addition to the one you give her on a semi-nightly basis?

Dave

No, no I am not. I mean, just because Lisa and I are dating, that doesn't mean I'm going to give her the Big Bonus.

Beth

Oooh. You do know that Lisa is absolutely certain she's getting the big bonus, don't you, Dave?

Dave

Oh?

Beth

Yeah.

Dave

Oh... Okay, Beth, would you get Lisa for me?

Beth

[yelling] Lisa, Dave wants you! [to Dave] You're not going to give her The Shaft, are you, Dave? I mean, in addition to the one you give her on a semi-nightly basis?

Dave

Good God, Beth. Were you raised by truckers?

Dave

All right, look, Beth. I know you've had a rough day, I know this has been very hard on you, and I know you've heard this before; but I'm gonna say it again because it's important, all right? You do not have to subscribe in order to be eligible for the Publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes.

Beth

You are so naive, Dave.

Beth

Bill, what do you think of this photo?

Bill

Who is that?

Beth

Oh, it's a friend of mine doing a thesis at NYU, it's a fine arts program.

Bill

Uh-huh. Well, it's an interesting commentary on the objectification of the female form and of course the masks women are forced to wear in our society. If I were the NEA I'd give her five or six grand.

Beth

Well, Bill, do you think it's sexy?

Bill

Well, I don't really think that's germane to a discussion of the statement the artist is trying to make.

Beth

Thank you, Bill.

Bill

Beth's showing nudie photos of herself with a paper bag over her head. Check it out.

Dave

But he is a rat, right? Doesn't anyone find that disgusting?

Catherine

Oh, he's cute Dave. Just pokes his little head out when it's quiet and sometimes we feed him potato chips.

And Fig Newtons!

Dave

[faking a laugh] Aw gosh, [turning serious] does anyone here remember a little thing called the Black Plague?

Dave

She steal your high school sweetheart or something?

Beth

Oh yeah, of course, because whenever two women are fighting it's obviously over a man, because, you know men are all important and women are nothing. Men are great! All hail king man!... But yes, she did steal my high school sweetheart.

Dave

Any inappropriate expenditures will be deducted from your salary in the future.

Beth

That is going too far.

Dave

No, taking a cab to New Jersey and back is going too far.

Beth

That was radio-related business.

Dave

There are plenty of places in Manhattan to buy a radio.

Beth

Dave, it was a 43% off sale. Apparently, the guy who owned the place went crazy and was slashing prices.

Dave

Well I may go crazy and slash paychecks if I see another receipt like that.

Negotiation Secret #7: The early bird...

Beth

Gets the worm?

No, gets the other bird's throat ripped out faster.

Beth

What was the saddest movie you ever saw?

Oh, Wall Street, where that guy loses all the money.

Beth

You know, I do not blame you. If my boyfriend acted like that, I would go absolutely bitchcakes.

Lisa

Bitchcakes?

Beth

I just made that up. You think it's gonna catch on?

Beth

So what do you do, keep all your money in a shoebox under your bed?

Joe

Like I'd tell you where I keep my shoebox.

Beth

Doesn't he wonder how the candy got there?

Nah, I think in Matthew's world candy elves are a common occurrence.