(In Indecipherable Lyrics, Phill's team are given "Open the Gate" by Dutch heavy metal band Vortex)
That was Vortex with "Open the Gate", although it did look scarily like Boy George pre-Culture Club, didn't it? What do you think the scary bloke was singing there?
There's nothing quite like a fat goth, is there, Mark?
By the way, the make-up artist never worked again after that.
She never worked before! (audience laugther) The dubbing was top, wasn't it?
Very good, it was like one of those Chinese films: (moves his lips differently to the words he says) "I'm gonna kick your head in!"
You could tell he was miming 'cos the bone wasn't plugged in! (in the video, vocalist Jurjen 'Thundervox' Tichelaar sings into a bone)
It's not the first badly dubbed Dutch video I've seen with a bone in someone's hand, Mark! (Mark and audience laughter and applause. Phill turns to Tony) You liked it, didn't you?
I did, yeah...
You just whispered into my ear "I've got this album", didn't you? "These are great!" (to Gary) You think there's a food connection, don't you?
Yeah, I got "Against the wall of a savoury low-fat cake."
I got "Bright arse is a plan of beautiful bits...
It's much nicer than "Bright arse, burning like fire", isn't it?
We've got a line about, "We've got some tights, a bag, a beautiful pair; sometimes a donkey you will see." All together boys...
"We've reached the land of Hull..." (audience laughter)
"...Bring mangoes off the boat; And then talk Vortex student braille." You see, behind all the make-up and everything they've got a social conscience.
I've gone a bit further on - "You know the smell of chili from that night..."
The last line is "A lemon slice and a savoury whale", quite popular in Dutchland.
They're hungry, they're socially conscious, they're angry, they're Dutch, they look like pandas.
Would you like to sing that along with the band?
Would we ever? (The music video starts up)
(singing)
Against the wall of a savoury low-fat cake
We are the bag-ladies of the sea
Bright arse is a plan of beautiful bits
Sometimes a donkey you will see!
We've reached the land of Hull, bring your mangoes off the boats!
And then talk Vortex student braille
You know and feel the smell of chili from that night
A lemon slice and savoury whale!
(audience laughter and applause)
I'm sorry to bring you this news, but that wasn't the real words! The real words were:
"We crossed the water, we are sailing through the night
We are the beggars of the sea
We've got a task, a plan, a duty to fulfill
Something to conquer, you will see." Quite cleverly rhyming "sea" with "see", there(!)
"We've reached the land and all brave men get off the boats
It is our voyage to Den Brille", which is a place in Holland, not in Dutchland!
"We know no fear, or something silly of that kind
All men inside, and stay we will!
Open the gate!"
I'm gonna give you a point from charity's sake. The band Vortex were formed after the breakup of Werewolf and Thunderfox. We don't know a lot about Werewolf and Thunderfox, although with names like that, they probably have shagged Ulrika Jonsson.
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