NCIS Season 4 quotes

I'm not convinced that it wasn't this guy. I mean, how do we know Ducky didn't make a mistake?

Ziva

Tony.

Tony

Because Ducky doesn't make mistakes, Paula.

Ziva

Which means what you saw yesterday was, by definition, mistaken.

Look, even if he did die the day before, it doesn't mean he wasn't involved. Right? Tony?

Tony

She does have a valid point, Ziva.

We don't even know what his cause of death is. For all we know he could've committed suicide!

Ziva

A suicide bomber who commits suicide before his bombing? That doesn't make any sense!

Tony

No! It doesn't! But it does raise an interesting point. Imagine, if you will, ladies. An assisted suicide of a suicide bomber who suicided before his suicide bombing. It's kinda like how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wo--

Gibbs

[Head-slaps Tony] DiNozzo, what the hell is wrong with you?

Tony

I am just trying to lighten the mood of the room a little bit, boss.

Gibbs

I got a better way: Leave. And take her with you.

Ziva

That works for me.

Paula

Works for me, too, David.

Ziva

Da-veed!

Abby

Technically, it was a squatting hug, or squg.

McGee

The blood starts at the ping-pong table.

Tony

Beer pong.

McGee

Huh?

Tony

This is tragic, don't tell me you've never played beer pong before, Probie.

Tony

What did you do at MIT?

McGee

Study.

Tony

Figures.

Ziva

Was no secret he was writing about us.

Tony

Oh, come on, it's not about us. I mean the whole part about Lisa and her broken heart?

Ziva

And the memento she keeps from a relationship that never had a chance to happen?

Tony

Yeah. Where's he gettin' that? Or the scene between Lisa and Tommy where they pour out their hearts to each other and spill their secrets?

Ziva

When he tries to explain the profound nature of his identity crisis?

Tony

Yeah, I mean, the hidden struggle between who he is and what he's becoming? I don't even know what that is.

Ziva

Yeah, totally unrealistic.

Tony

Would never happen.

Ducky

From what I hear, Timothy, in your next novel, L.J. Tibbs has a love interest. Yes. I hear that it's an Army...

McGee

Ducky, I don't think we need to talk about that.

Gibbs

Army what? McGee?

McGee

[reluctantly] Lieutenant... Colonel. Lieutenant colonel.

Tony

I sure wouldn't want to be a fly on the wall up there. [Ziva looks confused] Never mind.

Gibbs

What've you got, Abs?

Abby

Oh, your usual incriminating evidence, all circumstantial, but beggars can't be choosers.

McGee

Have you ever seen anyone walk that quickly in heels?

Tony

Only at the end of a really hairy date.

McGee

I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost my eyesight.

Ziva

You'd adapt.

McGee

What if I didn't?

Ziva

You'd fall into a deep depression and eventually you would die.

McGee

Remind me not to come to you for a pep-talk anytime soon.

Gibbs

What's he hiding?

McGee

For the most part, not a whole lot. It's about the most boring diary I've ever read. An obsession with Kelly Clarkson... wondering why he can't find a girlfriend...

Abby

He didn't make the connection between those two things?

Tony

Abby's processing evidence from his office. She nearly bit my head off when I poked it into her lab to check on her.

McGee

Quit drinking caffeine.

Ziva

Abby?!

Tony

Abby Sciuto?

Tony

How long were you guys there?

Ziva

Long enough. So, you are getting a new roommate?

Tony

We're discussing it.

Ziva

What is there to discuss?

Tony

It's complicated.

Ziva

Complicated, complicated, complicated. You know, in America I have noticed the use of that word as a code for 'if I explain it, you would not agree, therefore I will use the word "complicated" and hopefully you will stop asking!'

Tony

That's pretty much it in a nutshell. I'm going to go see what Abby wants...

Ziva

Tony.

Tony

Ziva... if you're going to give me advice on dating, I'm going to need to get something out of my system first, okay? [laughs heartily]

Ziva

Stop laughing or I will hurt you.

Ziva

I know what you're doing. You're hiding behind all these jokes, and I know what you're hiding from.

Tony

Really? What's that?

Ziva

What everyone who is afraid to love hides from: getting hurt.

Tony

It's not just me that I'm worried about hurting, Ziva.

Ziva

That's because you're a good person.

Tony

Sarcasm is not sexy, Ziva.

Abby

I love you, McGee. Not like "love you" love you. Not that I don't love you, because I do, kind of. You know, like the way I love puppies.

McGee

I could have done without that comparison.

Abby

But I love puppies.