You, blood spatters!
(hangs head and shuffles away) Yo ho heave ho...
S2 E12Doppelgänger
You just ruled out both suspects.
No, I didn't. I just proved someone smoked Llamas at Rock Creek park.
[McGee dials Gibbs. Cut to Gibbs making out with Karen. He picks up the phone.]
Gibbs.
Boss. I don't know if this is important, but-
McGee, this better be the most important phone call you make in your life.
[McGee tries to hand the phone to Abby, she dives out of the way.]
NNiles
Wow, I'm amazed you found that.
Actually, I didn't. Our forensic scientist, Abby Scuito, did.
NNiles
Wow, this Scuito, she must be hot.
[...]
He wanted us to look for a body.
We still would be if Abby hadn't found the hinky blood trail.
NNiles
Man, I got to meet this woman.
She's probably not your type. Tattoos, piercings, dark make-up...
NNiles
She Goth?
Uh-huh.
NNiles
I love Goth.
Nobody gets everything right the first time, McGee. Except Gibbs.
It's more addictive than pistachios.
[Odd looks from Gibbs and McGee]
Well, have you ever just eaten one pistachio?
One man's Linux is another man's OS/2
S2 E13The Meat Puzzle
Gibbs, what did Ducky look like when he was younger?
[grinning] Ilya Kuryakin.
[N.B. When he was younger, David McCallum (Ducky) played the role of Soviet secret agent Ilya Kuryakin in the TV series The Man from U.N.C.L.E.]
[referring to Ducky's elderly mother] Her last words to me were either "I'm gonna slit your throat" or "kiss your moat." I couldn't tell 'cause she was slurring.
Tony DiNozzo. Italian, gigolo, furniture mover.
The homicide detective, that completes the team.
You're forgetting the medical examiner.
Oh, that's you!
Mother, this is Caitlin. [Ducky's mother spits at Kate] Mother, we talked about this. She is here to protect us!
Show me your knickers.
Ma'am?
Underwear, missy! I can always tell a woman's intentions by her panties.
It's always been my philosophy.
You're relieved, Tony.
Oh, thank you. [pointing to the dog] This is Contessa, she likes it rough.
[eyeing Tony suspiciously] I have a knife in my brassiere.
You stick to him like an ex-wife after an alimony check.
[Palmer, Gibbs and McGee in the autopsy room examining a suspect's dental x-rays]
[points to x-ray] He gnaws his bones like a caveman?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.