I enjoy going to the dentist.
What could you possibly enjoy?
A little pain is a good thing, Kate.
S2 E14Witness
What did the urine tell you, Abby?
Oh all kinds of stuff, we had a really good talk.
[About Tony] You may not admire his methods, but you gotta love the results.
What do you got, Abs?
[to Gibbs] Do I have to answer the newbie?
Humor him.
There were traces of cocaine in the box.
So Tony was right, he was dealing drugs.
Maybe not, the traces were microscopic so it could just be from hiding money.
[McGee looks confused.]
He calls himself a federal agent.
U.S. money supply is contaminated with traces of cocaine.
I thought that was an urban myth.
Give me a bill.
Huh?
Give me a bill!
[McGee hands her a bill.]
A hundred?
Yeah, I like to be prepared for any emergency.
You are such a boy scout.
[Abby rubs bill on paper.]
Money is a great receptor because the ink never really dries. One bill used to snort cocaine then going through an ATM leaves minute traces of the drugs on thousands of others. Four out of five bills in circulation are contaminated to a level that can be detected by drug dogs.
[Abby goes back to work, without giving back the bill.]
Um, Abs?
Yeah?
Forgetting something?
No.
[Tony and Kate are having a food fight]
Any more food fights in here, I'm joining in. With peas.
Frozen peas?
Nope. In the can.
What's not fun?
Nothing.
[looks at Kate's phone] Who's Doctor Jackson?
You read that upside down?
A talent that serves me well. What's wrong with you?
S2 E15Caught on Tape
At least I don't hang out with married people.
[to Abby] Would you please tell him that a man and a woman can just be friends?
Absolutely they can.
Without having sex?
Oh no, they'll have sex.
Abby?!
What? Come on, Kate, haven't you ever slept with a friend?
[upset] What is wrong with you people?
[steps in] Good question, Kate.
[reading lips of people on a tape] "We have to..." something. "We have to - blank - him."
Kill?
Murder?
Love? [Gibbs slaps him] Ow. I really wish you'd stop doing that!
I will, Tony! When you stop "blanking" up!
[referring to the poison ivy covering half his face.] So, honestly how do I look?
Um... Do you want the truth, or do you want me to lie to you to, uh... ease the burden of your own self-loathing?
I'd prefer the lie.
Me, too. You're the fairest in the land, McGee.
I'll take it. I've always wanted a dog. [The dog growls and tries to bite him.]
Good dog. I think I'll call you Tony.
It's a bitch, Kate.
I know.
Looks like we're going to play Gibbs' favorite game...
Ooo! Musical interrogation rooms!
Hey Gibbs, do you have a camcorder?
[goes back into lab] Yeah. Digital, OK?
Good, Gibbs. Way to go! [as Gibbs is walking out] Did you make the jump to CDs yet? [Gibbs pauses and turns around to look at her] 'Cause if you didn't, it's cool. 'Cause all the hot DJs, they use vinyl these days anyway.
[stares at Abby blankly] Just get it to me. [walks away]
Gibbs! [Gibbs stops] Peace out, man!
[Gibbs rolls his eyes and exits]
[Kate and Gibbs are pursuing their suspect William Runion. Runion is hiding the bushes as Kate runs past.]
RRunion
Idiots.
[From behind, Gibbs cocks his SIG and points at Runion's head]
Put your hands behind your head.
RRunion
[shocked] How did you--
Sneak up on you like that?
RRunion
[hands on his head] Yeah...
Used to do it for a living. Back then you'd be dead instead of under arrest. Any other questions?
RRunion
Uh-uh
Didn't think so.
[Ducky and Jimmy Palmer are examining a corpse which has been partially chewed off by scavengers]
Indiscriminate predators, coyotes. Fish, cats, garbage, they'll eat anything they can chew. Unlike my mother who can no longer chew anything. I assure you, Mr Palmer, it is a beastly sight.
Yes is it, doctor.
[looks at Palmer] I was speaking of my mother.
[looks up at Ducky] Right.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.