[After Abby fails to detect where Gibbs is hiding after sneaking into her lab]
You are getting sneakier the older you get!
Not to mention better-looking.
S2 E17An Eye for an Eye
[Gibbs, Tony and Kate are sitting in at a class to observe a lecturer]
LCLt Cdr Purcell
Now that we've learned a bit about recruiting double agents, let's take a moment to consider some of the risks involved. Anybody?
[Tony raises his hand]
[looks to Tony] DiNozzo, would you like to become left-handed?
S2 E18Bikini Wax
Look all I am trying to say is that it is very unprofessional. Gibbs would never walk in here and tell us how much he paid for his shirt.
That's because the prices at Sears have been pretty consistent since the late 70's.
[entering] We have a body in Virginia. McGee?
Yeah.
Call Ducky.
Got it.
Hey, uh, boss? Have you had a chance to sign off on that missing persons case I gave you?
No, I haven't, DiNozzo. I tried to get to it last night but Sears was having a sale.
Give him 5 seconds.
Until what?
Until he notices there's a ...
Bikini contest?!
Something wrong, doctor?
Her head is in the toilet, Mr. Palmer.
Oh, right.
What about his prints?
I compared them to the prints that Tony and McGee got from the beach restroom. They didn't jive.
Must have lifted hundreds of prints. You sure you ran them all?
[nonchalantly] No McGee, about midway through I got tired so I was just like "screw it".
[to Tony and McGee] If you two don't start working, I will show you hazing, and the Marine Corps does not do wedgies or noogies or melvins.
Thank you, boss.
She knew she was pregnant. Any idea about the father?
She used a pay phone to call him, but his cell was turned off. She said she left a message.
[laughing to herself] That's your worst nightmare, Tony.
[taunting] So, how's it going with those letters, Kate?
I'm working on it. Thanks, Tony.
How long?
Two days, three tops.
You've got four.
[surprised] Really?
Hours.
[deadpan] Sounds about right.
S2 E19Conspiracy Theory
[tosses keys to Tony] You're driving, Sex Machine.
[Tony emails Kate an old picture of her winning a wet t-shirt contest.]
Where did you get this?!
Wet T-shirt Wall Of Fame, Spring Break '94. Saw it when I was in Panama City last month.
Oh, my God...
Yeah, I was going to keep it to myself, but then you decided to tell everyone my pledge name!
You wouldn't dare!
Oh?
Make sure he didn't do any of that virus goat rope crap to my thing [gesturing to his computer after Fornell has been using it]
Goat rope?
Marine term, Probie.
It means half way between FUBAR and SNAFU.
Okay, uh, what's FUBAR?
KTKate/Tony
You are!
Correct as always, my silver-haired fox - I mean, Gibbs, sir, boss.
See this? [Holds up bandaged finger]
Yes.
I cut myself today installing a graphics card in my computer.
Okay. Do you want me to kiss it or something?
That would be really nice, but it's not my point.
So what's the plan? Good cop/bad cop?
More like bad cop/scary cop, McGee.
Which one is which?
You'll have to ask their ex-wives to find out.
[For the umpteenth time, Tony shows Kate the raunchy picture of her on his PDA.]
[smiles] You're wasting your time. Doesn't bother me anymore, Tony.
Probie, wanna see something hot?
[walking over] Sure!
[Kate seizes Tony's hand in a death grip, covering the PDA screen.]
[whispering] What's-it-gonna-cost-me?
I don't know... you still have that Catholic schoolgirl uniform?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.