NCIS · Season 11
[In Abby's lab, Tony is sitting at Abby's computer, not knowing that Fornell and Diane are entering behind him.]
[laughs] Heh. Abs, I hope you told Gibbs to come alone 'cause Fornell's head would explode if he saw these texts.
Better get a mop!
[Tony freezes.]
Tony, if you value your life, you'll turn off that computer right now!
Touch that CPU and I touch you!
Can't hear you. I have a sinus infection. I have to go get my netty pot. [flees the scene]
[angrily to suspect] So sit down, you walking midlife crisis!
Hello, Diane. I heard we broke up, sorry about that. Oh, by the way, I'm a Secret Service Agent.
I heard. What's with the attitude?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's that you were sleeping with your ex-husband while we were dating.
[starting to restrain Eddie] Hey...! [stops, thinks, turns to Diane] Man has a point.
[scoffs] Oh, you guys are buddies now?
(deadpan) Yeah. We're thinking of starting a club.
[after Emily's kidnapper gives instructions for the ransom drop]
Okay. But just so we're on the same page... if you so much as touch a hair on my daughter's head, so help me God, I will find you and I will rip your eyes out of your face and shove them so far down your throat you'll need a proctologist to read the evening paper.
Are you ok, McGee?
Was just thinking about little Emma here and the Dalys, they must be so happy
Yeah and I feel bad about scaring them the way I did.
You still haven't gotten over that?
Well, like they didn't have enough on their plates without me suggesting a "targeted chemical attack".
I've done worse. [Bishop looks at him] And McGee? [points to McGee] He's...remember the time with the–– [McGee looks at Tony] I'm not gonna talk about it but it's.....it's been done. You just have to move on. You made a mistake.
A big mistake.
Learn from it. Move on.
[...]
Leroy Ebenezer Gibbs, did we just agree on something?
[deadpan, retorts] Hey! Bob Cratchit, find patient zero, huh?
And a playful movie reference. It really is starting to feel like Christmas.
I'm so not having kids.
Ok, Jimmy, that does it! [turns to Vance] Excuse us, Director, but something has gotten into Mr. Palmer and I would like to get it out now.
Well, don't let me interfere. [walks to the back of the room]
Abby, listen––
[cuts Palmer off] No! You listen. You know what's infectious during the holidays? Optimism! Optimism is infectious. Optimism and joy...and joy and....
Kindness.
Kindness.
Courtesy
And charity.
Generosity.
And gratitude.
Selflessness.
Compassion.
Forgiveness.
Forgiveness is huge.
Kindness.
You already said kindness.
I like kindness.
And faith, Jimmy. Faith. Faith is infectious. Life isn't always perfect, you know? But sometimes things will work out for the best if you just have faith.
[Tony and Bishop are talking while Gibbs is canvassing the alley]
So we're looking for a bullet because....?
Clipped a guy. Could have DNA on it.
Parsa's?
No, driver.
Seriously??? How did you get that?
Well, it's like Gorillas in the Mist. You'll come to understand his grunts.
["talking" to the evidence] Really, Benham Parsa. You think you can just leave us a note and run away? I know. How about I write you a note? Dear Benham Parsa, you can kiss my–– [Gibbs walks in] Hey Gibbs. I have things to tell you!
[hugs McGee] You're so...McHuggable.
[Dr. Rachel Cranston walks into the squad room and sees Bishop sitting on the file cabinet behind her desk]
Did you know the agent who sat here before?
[smiles and nods] I knew both of them.
Well, you don't have to tell me. It's pretty clear I'm looking at some gigantic shoes....unfillable.
True. But I think both women who sat there would say the same thing. When it comes to growing, there's no better place for a desk than next to these three. [glances at Gibbs, McGee and Tony's desks]
Probie!!
When we call, it usually means you come to us.
At first, "Probie" sounded endearing and cute. Doesn't anymore.
Missing driver, go.
He was a disgusting slob who lived in his truck. I found his dirty clothes, his dirty mattress, and his... dirty, dirty porn. This is all part of the rookie hazing thing, huh?
It's not hazing.
It's part of the job.
[Tony, Bishop and Gibbs are looking at crime scene photos on the computer screen]
But we did learn that in addition to dirt and tight spaces Bishop is also good with heights. [pulls up a picture of Bishop climbing up a ladder, her eyes squeezed shut]
[annoyed] This is more "hazing", I take it.
[matter-of-factly] Nope. It's all part of the job.
Our birth mother officially signed the adoption papers today. All she has to do now is have the kid. And not change her mind.
Oh... for heaven's sake.
I just jinxed it, didn't I?
Ya think?
[Tony grimaces]
[laments] I always do this! I always say too much! [hurriedly knocks on wooden table three times]
[Inside Abby's lab/office]
[looks at Abby uncomfortably] Is there some place else I could wait?
Do you mean there's some place else you could hide? [Honeycutt fidgets in his seat] No. You're gonna sit right there and you're gonna think about what you and your company have done.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
