“Devil's Triad” · Season 11, Episode 10
In this episode: Fornell (9), Tony DiNozzo (5), Leroy Jethro Gibbs (5), Diane (5), Timothy McGee (4), Emily (3), Ellie Bishop (2), Abby Sciuto (1)
[Tony and McGee enter the squad room and watch on as HR officer Rhoda inundates NSA Agent Ellie Bishop in paperwork and forms.]
[grimaces] Rhoda!
Bishop's gonna be useless for the next week. [turns to Tony] Should we rescue her?
No. If you can't handle Rhoda, Gibbs is gonna melt her brain.
[confused] What just happened? Did I do something wrong?
No, you just passed your first test. Rhoda from HR. [whispers] Legendary.
But don't get too kind. Still gotta take that polygraph.
I have to take another polygraph??!
Uh-hmm. And then all you have to do is survive Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. In case you haven't heard the man––
[in a low voice] Is actually coming up behind you right now.
[Gibbs passes behind Tony and McGee and goes to his desk.]
[glares at Bishop] You're not supposed to do that.
[crestfallen] What do I do now???
[smirks] You've made a friend.
[enters crime scene with Palmer] It's been a brutal week. I have a chill I just can't shake.
Me too. Anybody mind if I do some jumping jacks?
Yes!
[Gibbs and Tony break into a hotel room with guns drawn to find Diane lying on the bed.]
[whispers to Gibbs] That's funny, that looks like your ex-wife.
[Fornell emerges from the bathroom, wearing only a towel.]
Champagne first, and then a little...
[He catches sight of Gibbs and Tony, staring intently at him.]
Well, tie me up and call me Loretta.
[blinks] Wow.
Wowsers.
So Agent Fornell was married to Gibbs' ex-wife?
[grins] Yup.
And the owner of the second cellphone from our crime scene was dating Gibbs' ex-wife?
Yup.
Phoah. That's quite a coincidence.
[chuckles] I know. It really is.
[Unknown to Tony and McGee, Fornell just came out of the elevator into the squad room.]
You know, it's hard to imagine the same woman liking Fornell and this Eddie guy. Although maybe Diane liked him because he's not Fornell.
Best to leave the psychoanalysis to Ducky. If you value breathing.
[looks behind to Bishop] Bishop, you could've warned me.
[innocently] You said I wasn't supposed to do that!
[walks in] Tobias, hey, what are you doing here?
Just thought you might need some help. Diane's really worried. Just want to put her mind at ease.
[smirks] Yeah, uh-huh.
You shot me... in the caboose. You owe me.
I'm just sayin' that there's something different this time, maybe because we're ex's. [looks at Gibbs] You should try it. [awkwardly] I mean, with another one of your ex-wives...not this one 'cause...this one's taken.
[getting out of Fornell's car] Can I go home now?
You are the worst advice-giver I've ever met! Don't quit your day job.
[Gibbs brings Fornell and Diane's daughter Emily into the squad room. Fornell is sitting at Gibbs' desk watching Diane confront Emily.]
[furiously] Emily, do you have any idea what kind of trouble you are in, missy?!
Me? You're the one who's ruining your life!
I beg your pardon?
[sarcastically] Uh, www-dot-you-and-dad-suck-together-dot-com? Or are you too desperate at this point to care?
[aside to Gibbs] Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh.
How dare you talk to me like that!
You and Dad speak to each other? All you guys do is fight!
We do not fight! We are just VERY LOUD!
[to Tobias] And you! How could you do this to me?!
Honey, no one is doing anything to you. Your mother and I are just... wait a second. How do you know about... your mother and me?
I know everything. I put a keystroke logger on both your Facebook accounts.
You what?!
You need a warrant to do that!
[Abby rushes into the squadroom.]
Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs! I cracked the suspect's cellphone. There are boatloads of juicy texts on there from him to Fornell's ex-wife.
[Fornell looks at an embarrassed Diane]
I mean, this stuff is kinkier than Fifty Shades of Gray. You have got to come see this...
[She catches sight of Fornell, Diane and Emily.]
Fornell... ex-wife... daughter. [laughs weakly] Oops.
[Fornell runs towards Abby's lab.]
[chasing after him] You get back here or I will smash every computer in that lab!
[chasing after her] Don't you touch my babies!
[to Gibbs] Can I apply for asylum?
[In Abby's lab, Tony is sitting at Abby's computer, not knowing that Fornell and Diane are entering behind him.]
[laughs] Heh. Abs, I hope you told Gibbs to come alone 'cause Fornell's head would explode if he saw these texts.
Better get a mop!
[Tony freezes.]
Tony, if you value your life, you'll turn off that computer right now!
Touch that CPU and I touch you!
Can't hear you. I have a sinus infection. I have to go get my netty pot. [flees the scene]
[angrily to suspect] So sit down, you walking midlife crisis!
Hello, Diane. I heard we broke up, sorry about that. Oh, by the way, I'm a Secret Service Agent.
I heard. What's with the attitude?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's that you were sleeping with your ex-husband while we were dating.
[starting to restrain Eddie] Hey...! [stops, thinks, turns to Diane] Man has a point.
[scoffs] Oh, you guys are buddies now?
(deadpan) Yeah. We're thinking of starting a club.
[after Emily's kidnapper gives instructions for the ransom drop]
Okay. But just so we're on the same page... if you so much as touch a hair on my daughter's head, so help me God, I will find you and I will rip your eyes out of your face and shove them so far down your throat you'll need a proctologist to read the evening paper.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
