Kate Todd quotes from NCIS

Tony

Guy was really interested in reality shows. Real World, Simple Life, Punk'd...

Gibbs

Punk'd?

Kate

Geez, Gibbs. Even I know what Punk'd is.

Tony

It's an MTV show where they play tricks on celebrities while secretly filming it.

Gibbs

Like Candid Camera.

Tony

What's Candid Camera?

Kate

[irritated] Tony! I'm not thinking about that damn terrorist.

Tony

Sorry.

Kate

Look at Gibbs. He's been growling like a wounded bear since that night.

Tony

Well, he is wounded and he always growls like a bear. It's his way of never letting anyone know when he's hurting. Yours is to be moody.

Kate

I'm not moody!

Tony

Oh, what do you call it. I feel sorry for whatever his name is.

Kate

Sorry?

Tony

Yeah. Wouldn't want Gibbs on my ass.

Kate

We're never gonna see that guy again.

Tony

Maybe not. But Gibbs will.

Gibbs

He could have gone to a vet.

Kate

Tony's marking that territory.

Tony

Ha-ha. Cute.

Tony

She sleeps with a gun under her pillow, boss.

Gibbs

That true?

Kate

Maybe... sometimes... yes.

Gibbs

Good girl!

Kate

You were a boy scout?

Tony

Cub.

Kate

Ha. What'd they kick you out for?

Tony

Tryin' to score brownie points.

Faith

I want to be kept up-to-date with everything!

Kate

Certainly!

Afraid you sent an innocent man to prison?

Faith

Innocent or not. I still kicked your ass!

Gibbs

You testified on his behalf at the trial. You certainly seemed to be sympathetic to his situation.

Situation?

Gibbs

Coming home and finding his wife in the bedroom with another guy?

Well, wouldn't that bother you?

Gibbs

Oh yeah. It bothered me a hell of a lot. Only I chose divorce over murder.

Kate

I didn't know that!

Tony

He's lying. Establishing rapport through shared communication.

Kate

You sure he's lying?

Tony

Of course I'm-- [pauses] Not.

Gibbs

I was coming home from a three-month float in the Med. Not six months in a war zone.

McGee

Uh sorry. Can I see you for a second, Boss?

Tony

[stunned] Oh, I can't believe I'm seeing what I'm seeing.

Kate

Speaking of way beyond hinky...

Tony

Okay, Kate. I can take it.

Kate

What was it like, tonguing a guy?

Tony

[deep breath] I can't take it.

Abby

Amanda is Voss!

Gibbs

[shocked] She's a he?!

Kate

[stunned] Oh my god, Tony's on a date with a guy.

Tony

Remember the good ol' days, Kate?

Kate

What good old days?

Tony

When Gibbs would confide in us and treat us like peers.

Kate

(incredulously) No.

Tony

Good. I thought it was just me.

Kate

Do we know how big his unit was?

Abby

We could ask him, but in my experience most men lie about that point.

Abby

What do you think Kate?

Kate

I think that you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.

Abby

All I drank was Redbull!

Kate

How many?

Abby

(slight pause) Eighteen.

Kate

I thought you couldn't type.

Tony

I decided to improve myself.

Kate

Well, in that case, you might want to lose that shirt. It went out of style three years ago.

Tony

This from a girl who keeps a puka shell necklace in her purse.

Kate

My grandma gave me those. Wait, you looked in my purse?

Tony

Sorry, did I say that out loud?

Kate

Tony, you were so lucky you didn't have sisters growing up.

Tony

Why is that?

Kate

Because you never have reached puberty. Of course one could argue you still haven't reached it. Very professional.

Tony

It's my lunch break.

Kate

It's 9:30 in the morning.

Tony

I'm on Greenwich Mean Time.

Kate

Well, you're gonna be on unemployment if Gibbs catches you doing that.

Gibbs

[walks in] Catch him doing what, Kate? [Kate quickly switches his game off while Tony grabs a stack of papers and pretends to be busy]

Kate

Nothing. I was just giving Tony here some fashion advice.

Gibbs

On what?

Kate

Oh, he was just thinking about... getting both of his ears pierced. [Tony glares at her]

Gibbs

That right, DiNozzo?

Tony

I think Kate misunderstood, Boss. What I was really talking about was elongating the lobe, which is a surgery…

Gibbs

Hey, you wanna look like a gay pirate, that's your call. [Tony grimaces]

Tony

[mouths] Thanks.

Kate

[mouths] You're welcome. I thought you were going to an anti-terrorism conference today, Gibbs.

Gibbs

Change in plans. Marine gunnery sergeant didn't show up for duty this week.

Tony

Since when do we track down U.A. Marines?

Gibbs

Since he's one of a handful of people who knows how to arm small-yield nuclear weapons. His SRB. You have 45 minutes to memorize it. And Tony? If that game is still on your computer in the morning, I'll pierce your ears myself.

Kate

You were pretty tough on her in there.

Gibbs

Yeah...she reminds me of my ex-wife.

Tony

Which one?

Gibbs

All of them.

Tony

Boss, is there a reason why you always take these back roads?!

Kate

'Cause you just hate us?

Gibbs

I hate traffic more!