Abby Sciuto quotes from NCIS

Abby

So what, McGee, you don't check your e-mail anymore?

McGee

What? Did you send me something?

Abby

Yes, a satellite image!

McGee

[checks his e-mail] Abby, this e-mail just came through two minutes ago.

Tony

Two minutes is two years in Abby time. You know that.

Abby

[gleefully] Hairs, hairs, hairs!

McGee

[to Bishop] She really likes it when they're hairs.

Abby

I do, because a hair is worth a thousand words.

Bishop

We also have his yearly salaries, favorite bands and his political positions on everything from the Middle East to Middle-earth.

Tony

Which he's a big fan of, by the way.

Abby

I can handle Middle Earth.

Abby

Gosh, I just got chills.

McGee

Why is that?

Abby

You're just....changing...right in front of our eyes. Your gruff manner, your clipped replies. You're no longer McGee. You're McGibbs.

McGee

Abs, I have pulled two all-nighters in a row and I've nothing left to give.

Palmer

[enters Abby's lab with two Caf-Pows] I have two things left to give and they're both Caf-Pows. [hands Abby and McGee the drinks] Pow! Pow!

Abby

Jimmy, you are a lifesaver. [glares at McGee] You. Drink.

Abby

Can we just acknowledge the brain power in this room right now? We have a forensic cyber specialist, a cyber terrorist hunter and a cyber spy

Bishop

For the last time, I wasn't a spy.

Abby

We're the cyber dream team.

Bishop

Sounds official. Do we get jerseys?

Delilah

Oooh! Or secret matching decoder rings!

(after being released from prison after 16 years) Thank you. Thank you both.

Abby Sciuto

I'm Abby Sciuto.

I know who you are.

Abby Sciuto

(fighting tears) I'm the one who put you in here...

No. You're the one who got me out.

Jeanne Benoit? Really?

Abby

The call was digitally re-routed, and terminated before I got all the details, but Eva is definitely somewhere on the 700 block of K street.

Tony

That's a lot of doors to knock on.

Abby

Yeah, and it's not like one of them's gonna have a sign outside that says "Russian hangout."

...Actually, there is. [everyone looks at him] Tusovka. It's a four-star restaurant known for borscht with caviar and sour cream... [Gibbs and Tony are already moving] ...and for refusing service to anyone who doesn't speak Russian. Tusovka is actually Russian for...

Gibbs

"Hangout."

It's probably just a coincidence.

Gibbs

Or it's a trap.

Eva wouldn't do that... but if she's there, be nice! Please!

Well, I brought Susan to the homeless shelter, like you suggested. If we can find out her last name, maybe we can access her medical records. They took her fingerprints, and I'm hoping that Abby can find a match.

Dad, that's very commendable, but you can't ask Abby to break agency rules for a personal favor...

Abby

We got a hit.

Tony DiNozzo

You ran the prints.

Abby

Of course I did, Tony. A poor, homeless woman in need of medical care? That's a no-brainer.

Ducky

But why is Gibbs so doubtful it was a suicide?

Abby Sciuto

Well, Sergeant Hill was seeing a shrink, who hinted that there might be something else, but ethically couldn't divulge anything else to him.

Jimmy Palmer

He couldn't break her with his look? I'm intimidated by Gibbs.

Gibbs! Gibbs!

Ducky

Ah, you do talk!

Abby

[sheepishly] Yep, and a little bit too much sometimes, huh?

McGee

Abby, can I call you back?

Abby

No, you can't. I mean, everything's fine and there's no reason to panic.

McGee

Then why do you sound panicky?

Delilah

My water broke, Tim!

McGee

Delilah?

Abby

I-I just, I went over to your place for breakfast and it just happened.

McGee

Uh, uh, are-are you okay? Is she okay?

Delilah

I'm okay!

Abby

She's okay. She's-she's just, she's breathing really hard.

McGee

How did this happen? I mean, you're not due for another three weeks.

Delilah

Well, apparently, the babies had other plans, darling.

Abby

Just meet us at the hospital!

McGee

Wait. Wait, Abbs.

I got a flight to catch. Looks like our rematch will have to wait.

Abby Sciuto

Oh, we're not finished here.

It's a stalemate. You haven't got a move to make.

Abby Sciuto

I made my move before I sat down. Slipped some cyanide into your coffee before the waitress gave it to you. Enough to kill you... I mean, not immediately, but within the hour.

[smirks] A for effort, sunshine. Now, you're not capable of killing anyone.

Abby Sciuto

Kate... Jenny... Dorneget... Ziva... Reeves. I am tired of my hero friends dying while villains like you get to live. Everyone has their breaking point and this was mine.

Abby Sciuto

Airway constriction. It's one of the first symptoms. Shortness of breath, dizziness, chest pains... you'll be in full cardiac arrest in, like, ten minutes. I mean, unless you happen to have some hydroxocobalamin on you... [produces a small red pill in a plastic bag] Like this. Confess, and you get to live.

You're insane.

Abby Sciuto

[smiles coldly] Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty to get the job done.

[coughing] Fine! I hired Marshall to take you out, but just you! Your friend wasn't part of the plan! Satisfied?

Abby Sciuto

[gets up from the table] You may not deserve to live... but I would never stoop to your level.

Tony

[refering to the Caf Pow] Is that number 2 or 3 today?

Abby

If you must know, it's number 4.

Tony

[holds up evidence bag] I brought you a present.

Abby

[smiles] And you wonder why you're still single.

Tony

You redecorating?

Abby

I thought I'd brighten the place up a bit.

Tony

You take these?

Abby

Yeah, that's a cross section of what a 12 gauge did to an L3 to L5.

Tony

Shotgun-shattered backbone?

Abby

Ya, the middle one there is a cross section of an icepick to a cerebellum.

Tony

[grimaces, then looks at another picture] Duodenum?

Abby

Yeah; I like to call it "Duodenum with a lye chaser". It's a sad end of a Drano drinker.

Tony

You need to get out more, Abby.

Abby

Is that an invite?