Timothy McGee quotes from NCIS

So Lemere and I had words. Philosophical differences. He coddled that dog like it was his own kid. Me, I'm not the coddling type.

We've noticed.

What a day. First my car wouldn't start, then I had to talk a bus driver into letting Dex ride with me.

McGee

No dogs allowed on city buses, huh?

Not without a vest calling him a service dog.

Ziva

If they knew what kind of service Dex provides, he'd be allowed anywhere and everywhere.

Tony

Telling you, it was more than that.

McGee

Tony, you're letting your imagination get the best of you. Stan [Burley] was not flirting with Ziva.

Tony

Hmm...I noticed it in Italy last year too. [pauses, to McGee] Does Burley look burlier to you?

McGee

Stan's a good guy. Besides, he knows that Ziva is vulnerable right now.

Tony

Ah ha! That's exactly what I'm talking about. You see, he could use that to his advantage, swoop right in like a hawk going in after a sweet, innocent, furry little Israeli.

Tony

College campuses, always bring back memories, good and bad. Kinda like fathers.

McGee

How long have you been sitting on that transition, Tony? Subtle...

Tony

Between Gibbs, Ziva and myself, there's no reason to beat around the bush when it comes to daddy drop-ins.

McGee

[sarcastically] Yeah, because those all went so well.

How was the desert? They say it's the dry heat. [Gibbs flings his scarf into Fornell's face as he walks to his desk]

Tony

Welcome back, Boss.

Gibbs

What've we got?

The usual. Went to hell while you were gone.

Tony

I've got sniper slugs in my living room. The Duckman found a rat in his lab. And, uh, there's a terrorist named Parso...

Gibbs

Yeah I know all that, DiNozzo.

Tony

Of course you do.

Gibbs

Yeah, he's ok. [slaps Parsons hard on the back]

[awkwardly] It's nice to see that you guys are alive and well. [looks at an unimpressed McGee and Tony] Look, I'm sorry about the––

I want my badge back!

[Gibbs looks at him] Yeaaahh. I can understand that. Not a problem. [Fornell looks at Parsons in amusement] Now that the case is, uh... [sees Gibbs looking him intently]...dismissed, I'll talk with Director Vance about it.

Tony

[still unimpressed] Thank you, Dick.

McGee

[looking on as Gibbs assesses Agent Grady, to Tony] It's worse than we thought. She's applying for a full-time position. Criminal investigator. Gibbs is conducting the preliminary review.

Tony

[discreetly] What's the plan?

McGee

She's not gonna be as easy to chase away as the others.

Tony

[whispers] We can't let Gibbs know that she annoys us. He'll think we feel threatened.

McGee

Hey Abby. Ducky said you pulled some prints off our Jane Doe? Any luck?

Abby

[looks at McGee] Luck. Is that what you think happens in here?

McGee

No I just meant––

Abby

It's Tuesday so no backtracking.

[to McGee] He's gonna get himself killed!

McGee

[nervously] I think I may die of a heart attack first.

Abby

We're dealing with a sadistic evil genius.

McGee

[notices Tony] I think you have that equation right?

Tony

[catches sight of McGee's desk] OH! What have we here! about safe agent-ing seriously. [chuckles] That's a little overboard McRibbed.

McGee

[unamused] You've had your fun Tony. Unwrap it.

Tony

Oh. Gosh. I'm flattered. But unfortunately, that prophylaxis is not the work of yours truly.

Abby

Then who's work is it?

Tony

Who knows? The Great Pumpkin? Headless Horseman? Perhaps the Ghost of Halloween Past? Mike Franks? Possibilities are endless.

Tony

[chuckles while watching McGee unwrap the plastic around his desk] Timmy, you fell prey to one of the oldest pranks in the book. Guess that's why the classics never go out of style.

McGee

[sarcastically] Lack of imagination and individuality? Sounds like your MO.

Tony

Don't be mad at me. I didn't do anything. You know what it is? You make yourself too easy of a target, McBullseye. You need to "keep movin'". Well, me? I like a challenge. Pullin' one over on Gibbs. That would be a feat for the ages.

McGee

[eyes Tony in disbelief] What do you have, a death wish?

Tony

[impersonating Sean Connery as James Bond] "I like to live dangerously."

Tony

[to the suspect] Christmas came early this year for the FBI.

McGee

[deadpan] Booyah.

Tony

[looks at McGee] "Booyah"??? What is that?

McGee

What is with you lately?

Tony

Me? [chuckles] Tim, you systematically eat my yogurt all week.

McGee

Well, if you don't want me to eat then write your name on it.

Tony

I shouldn't have to, Tim.

McGee

You don't deserve yogurt, you know that? All you do is bash people: me, the suit guy, Jackson.

Tony

[subtly sarcastically] Ok. I got it. Thanks for setting me straight. You are the wind beneath my wings. [drops a box onto McGee's desk]

McGee

[eyes the box and then Tony] What is this?

Tony

[grins] Oh, uh, case files from Metro. Other robberies in the area.

McGee

Yeah, why are they on my desk?

Tony

Uh, because I would like you to go through them and see if you can find any links to our homicide.

McGee

[in disbelief] Are you taking point?

Tony

I am.

McGee

That's insane. There's only two of us here and Gibbs will be back in a few hours.

Tony

Go through the files. Probie. [glares at McGee and walks away]

McGee

[annoyed] Do you have to know everything?

Tony

Yes, it's in my DNA.

Tony

What's so funny?

McGee

That was Hollander in HR. She claims that she saw you this morning at the front gate getting off a city bus.

Tony

Yeah, that was me. Listen I know I made fun of you in the past for riding the bus but I have to admit I was wrong. I've been using public transportation and I really like it.

McGee

You're kidding.

Tony

No, I have time to read, make some calls and best of all, get to watch people. People are fascinating.

McGee

[bemused] Ok Tony. I'm---I don't even know what I am right know...but I know you and this is not you.

Tony

[grimaces] Rhoda!

McGee

Bishop's gonna be useless for the next week. [turns to Tony] Should we rescue her?

Tony

No. If you can't handle Rhoda, Gibbs is gonna melt her brain.