Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Ziva

The boy saw a car leaving the scene that looked like a "Karuma." I'm not familiar with the model.

Gibbs

"Karuma" is Japanese for "car," Ziva.

Tony

Your description of the car is "car." Nice work, Officer David.

McGee

The Karuma's the name of a car in Grand Theft Auto III. It's a Chrysler Sebring Sedan.

Tony

McGeek with the save!

Gibbs

Marital problems?

Ziva

Well, according to someone called Scuttle Butt, he caught his wife cheating on him.

Gibbs

Scuttlebutt's not a person, Ziva. Scuttlebutt is what Marines call gossip.

Ziva

And you wonder why I have a problem with your language.

Ziva

What happened to them?

Tony

I told you, it's Halloween.

Ducky

Sorry we're late, we had a run-in with some local youths.

Gibbs

Yeah, I can see that.

McGee

Did you get a good look at 'em?

Ducky

Oh, we did better than that. (to Palmer) Release the captives!

Where are we? We said we're sorry!

Tony

Nice work, Palmer!

Palmer

Oh, it wasn't me, Tony. Dr. Mallard chased them three blocks!

Do I need a lawyer?

Gibbs

Only if you're feeling guilty.

Gibbs

There's more than one reason to kiss a girl.

Tony

There is?

Gibbs

DiNozzo!

Tony

Boss?

Gibbs

Stop eating the evidence.

Jenny

SECDEF staff are worried that it was an attempt on the life of their boss.

Gibbs

Are we worried?

Jenny

If it was an assassination attempt, he's a lousy assassin. Used his body as a weapon and missed by 75 feet.

Tony

That was quick.

Gibbs

You solved this case? Already, DiNozzo?

Tony

No. It's my hundredth body. Hey, listen. [handing Gibbs the camera] You wouldn't mind taking a...? Sorry. It's a bad idea. It seemed less disgusting in my head.

Ziva

Compared to what else is in there, I'm sure it was.

Gibbs

Ah, there you are, Jen. I've been looking all over for you.

I thought since we were short on agents, Abby could use some help.

Gibbs

The only reason we are short on agents is because you sent DiNozzo home.

Well, there's no sense getting us all sick...

Abby

[as Gibbs] Next time you send one of my team home you clear it with me first, Director! [as Jen] Oh, I didn't know I needed your permission to handle my own personnel, Agent Gibbs! [as Gibbs] Your personnel?! [as Jen] Last time I checked, it said "Director" on my door, not yours! [to both of them] The kids don't like it when mommy and daddy fight.

Abby

[about floor mat in taxi] I thought it smelled like Niozoprine.

Tony

Niozoprine? [smells it and gags]

Gibbs

Industrial strength vomit cleaner.

Gibbs

Do you know what a "clog" is?

Ziva

A shoe or a blocked drain?

Gibbs

No, on the Internet.

Ziva

Oh, I thought it was called a "blog," but then again my English is often wrong.

Tony

[to Ziva] You know, McGee is really starting to nail your essence, here; '[in a low voice from McGee's book] Stakeouts. Long, endless hours fueled by cheap food and even cheaper coffee, but tonight Mossad Officer Lisa didn't seem to mind, because she was getting to spend it with Agent Tom... You're behind me again, aren't you?

Ziva

Lucky guess. [Tony grunts] You know, I think McGee is right.

Tony

He was, was he.

Ziva

It takes almost all of my willpower to resist the urges I have when I'm around you, Tony. Maybe, it's about time I just... give in, yes?

Tony

And by "give in", you mean...

Ziva

Letting loose! Doing what comes naturally to me.

Tony

Yeah, I thought I was picking up that vibe the first time we went undercover together.

Ziva

You were? In fact, I almost did it the first night in the hotel room.

Tony

Mhhm. Really?

Ziva

But my father would not approve.

Tony

Because I'm not Jewish?

Ziva

[laughing] Because gets very angry when I kill a co-worker.

Tony

Ha! Like I believed you for even a second.

Ziva

I'm sure you didn't.

Gibbs

You two done playing grab-ass?

Ziva

Oh, he started it!

Gibbs

I'm ending it.

Shepard

Before you go, Fornell, there is one thing...

Gibbs

Come with me Tobias, I want to show you something.

You've got that moustache in a box, don't you?

Reminds me of that urban legend.

Gibbs

Which one is that?

Guy dresses up like Santa, you know, for Christmas Eve to surprise his girlfriend but he never shows. She's convinced that the bastard dumped her, badmouths him all over town.

Ducky

Until they find the poor soul's body months later, still clutching the little box with her shiny new engagement ring. And the moral of course is...

Gibbs

Never a good idea to get married.

Ducky

No, it's best not to judge someone until all the facts are in.

Gibbs

I like mine better.

Gibbs

What happened to you?

McGee

Creative differences with my co-workers Boss.

Gibbs

Lot of that going around these days.

Tony

[glares at McGee] Bag and tag the ashes Probie. We'll pick you up after we coordinate with the MPs.

Palmer

Doctor, I'm going to be laying the bag out here and the burrito over here.

McGee

Palmer, I need a favor.

Palmer

You want a ride back with us.

McGee

How'd you know?

Palmer

I read your book. And for your information, I never had sexual relations with a corpse!

McGee

That character was not based on you.

Palmer

His name was Pimmy Jalmer, McGee!

McGee

Well, he's French Polynesian.