Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Gibbs

McGee, how long have I been an NCIS Special agent?

McGee

Almost... sixteen years.

Gibbs

Wanna take a wild guess at what my first partner still calls me?

Gibbs

[whispers to Abby] Your computer's on fire.

Abby

[wakes up] AHH! McGee! My baby's french-frying! [starts typing furiously]

McGee

[wakes and starts typing] Checking internal core temperature!

Abby

That is so not funny, Gibbs!

Tony

Wow... even with Gibbs as a father, I'd date her.

Gibbs

Never more than once, DiNozzo.

Abby

Aw, you and the Director make nice Gibblets, Gibbs.

Tony

Chances of finding her alive drop to almost zero after 48 hours. [looks at Gibbs] Sorry. I'm sure you knew that, boss.

Gibbs

Don't apologize, DiNozzo.

Tony

Right. Sign of weakness.

Ziva

Not to mention annoying.

Ziva

90 second dates. I thought you were kidding me Gibbs.

Gibbs

You'll do fine Ziva, I've had marriages shorter than that.

Gibbs

Tell me you found a match on our suspect's prints, Abs.

Abby

Negative. Still processing. But what we do have is $73.65. That's what the victim was carrying. And there's no pennies. He probably threw them out. A lot of people do. I mean I don't but other people do. Do you know how many pennies are thrown out or put into jars every year?

Gibbs

Enlighten me.

Abby

3.5 Billion. Billion, Gibbs! That's like 35 million dollars. That's a lot of pennies in any language.

Gibbs

Including Russian?

Abby

No, Russians don't have pennies, they have kopeks.

Gibbs

[about the missing case file on Operation Sunburst] Check the log; who booked it out last?

Tony

The CIA. So I guess that's not a who, it's more of an it.

Gibbs

Who was the NIS case agent?

Tony

What time is it in Mexico right now?

Gibbs

Cantina time.

McGee

Ziva thinks that all men are liars.

Tony

Really? Ha, so if I were to lie to you, you would be able to tell?

Ziva

Particularly you.

Tony

[grins] You think?

McGee

Wouldn't go there, Tony.

Tony

Oh, watch and weep. True or false: I had eggs for breakfast this morning.

Ziva

True.

Tony

Lucky guess. Last night, I had a date with a very beautiful woman.

Ziva

False.

Tony

She's good. My first car was a shiny new red Corvette.

Ziva

False. Strike three. I win.

Tony

[looks bothered] How did -- how did you do that?

Ziva

When you said you had a red Corvette, you looked down and to your left. A tell-tale sign when people lie.

Tony

And the date?

Ziva

Tony, if you had gone out with a beautiful woman last night, you would have talked about it all day.

Tony

I would?

McGee

Oh yeah.

Tony

Okay, but how could you possibly know that I had eggs for breakfast this morning?

Gibbs

Gear up! Got a message from a dead guy.

Tony

Ready to roll, boss!

Gibbs

[walks past as the team grabs their stuff] DiNozzo?

Tony

Yeah, boss?

Gibbs

You got egg on your shirt.

Ziva

[smiles] Not just your shirt...

Gibbs

Want a 24 hour protection detail, DiNozzo, you're team leader.

DiNozzo

You're in safe hands Mike.

I've seen your hands DiNozzo, they don't impress me.

Abby

[gasps] You shaved your mustache! I liked you with a little hair on your face.

Gibbs

I've still got my eyebrows.

Abby

Good point.

Ducky

There's no rush gentlemen, our patient isn't going anywhere.

McGee

I dunno Ducky, the old Gibbs is back.

Ducky

The "old" Gibbs?

Gibbs

[enters the room] McGee, over here. Hands and knees. On the floor.

McGee

[goes down on all fours] Okay, um, you're not gonna step on me are you?

Ducky

You see this fracture?

Gibbs

Well yeah, you're pointing right at it.

Abby

It's ok. I'm sure you find other things beautiful.

McGee

Like Gibbs breaking up a chic-fight?

Abby

I can't believe I missed that!

McGee

I've got good news. Guess what is now playing on McGee TV.

Abby

This is my favorite part.

Gibbs

Which part?

Ziva

Shooting someone in broad daylight is just dumb.

Gibbs

You're not thinking like a jealous woman, Ziva.

Tony

What does your gut tell you Boss?

Gibbs

[typing at his computer, nods to McGee] Take your shirt off.

Tony

Here we go.

McGee

[stares at Gibbs] I know it's kinda messy...

Gibbs

Your shirt McGee. Take it off, now.

Gibbs

Take it down to Abby. [McGee stares at him] Or would you rather wait for a search warrant?

McGee

Rebecca's DNA [desperately to Tony] Can I borrow one of your shirts?

Tony

[smiles at him] You're afraid all that white might burn out Abby's corneas?

McGee

Do not make me walk around like a sold date. Come on, help me out.

Tony

All right. I can't resist a damsel in distress. [takes shirt off and hands it to McGee] Here, take this. I'll get a fresh one.

Ziva

[smirking from her desk] Wow. It's just like Chippendales. Without the bow ties or muscles.