You first.
Ziva David, Mossad, she's here to stop you from whacking Ari. Yours?
Director Jenny Shepard, same mission.
Which agency?
Ours.
Yeah?
“Kill Ari: Part 1” · Season 3, Episode 1
In this episode: Tony DiNozzo (7), Leroy Jethro Gibbs (7), Abby Sciuto (6), Kate Todd (5), Timothy McGee (3), Jen (3), Ducky Mallard (2)
Why me, Gibbs? Wasn't stopping one bullet enough for you? Why did I have to take two?
I-I don't know.
You don't know? Come on, Gibbs, what's that famous gut tell you? Why did I die instead of you?
That's a first.
He called me "Tim."
Patted my back.
It was kind of nice.
Nice? I don't want nice! It's not Gibbs if he's nice!
What can I do for you?... What?
You're weirder than Gibbs.
How so?
He's being nice.
Gibbs is always nice.
To you and Ducky, maybe; me, he growls at and smacks on the head.
Which makes you feel wanted.
Yeah!
[Tony is protecting Abby from gunfire]
(lying on top of Abby) Are you hit?
(gasping) No... You're heavy!
Sorry.
(feeling his leg) My god, no wonder you're so heavy, Tony, you're all muscle!
Abby, shhh!!
You're packing a nice booty too!
Hey! Is this how you deal with getting shot at?
I don't know, it's my first time.
(Abby is sitting in her lab looking at a picture Kate drew of her. Kate appears in gothic clothing)
You're a mess, girl. Red eyes, no makeup. If ever there was a time for black lipstick, it's now.
(Abby begins applying lipstick)
Remember when we first met? I couldn't believe you were a Forensic Scientist! I always thought goths had bats for pets, or vice-versa.
I really liked you, Kate. A lot.
Don't start that again. Wear your pigtails, I love you in pigtails!
(Abby pulls her hair back into pigtails)
That's better. You were persistent, Abs. First the black lipstick, then the black nail-polish. Next thing you know, I have a tat on my bum.
(Abby giggles)
Oh God... Ducky's gonna see it! I'm dead, and I'm embarrassed!
(Both laugh, Kate's voice fades away, Abby continues laughing.)
I'm dead now, Ducky. Shouldn't be. Could have killed Ari right here in autopsy.
Why did you hesitate?
His eyes. There was something in his eyes that made me not want to kill him.
His eyes were ice to me.
What is with this music?
I am playing it out of respect for Kate.
Well, I thought you were from New Orleans.
So?
Well don't they play Jazz at funerals?
Coming from the cemetery, after the body has been buried. On the way to the cemetary we play a dirge. Do you know what a dirge is, Timmy?
Creepy music?
Can you go back to the squad room and let me do my job?
I can't.
Why?
Gibbs...Gibbs told me to watch over you.
Ohhh… (It looks like Abby is mad) That is so sweet!
(Gibbs and Ducky are in autopsy talking about Ari)
One has to wonder what made him such a sadist.
I don't give a damn! I just want to kill the bastard!
Hey McGee, take a look at this. I think it's a 308. Stop staring at my butt and get me an evidence jar!
JJen
Hello Jethro! (Gibbs pictures the two of them having sex in Paris) Shall we skip the "You-havn't-changed-a-bit" bull?
Why start lying to each other now Jen?
JJen
Any problem taking orders from me?
As Director or as a woman?
JJen
Either.
JJen
(firmly) Special Agent Gibbs! (he turns around and walks to her) On the job...it is Director Shepeard or Ma'am!
Okay. What about off the job?
JJen
There won't be any "off the job", Agent Gibbs!
That's too bad.(meaning he still loves her) I missed you, Jen!
JJen
(her cheeks flushed) Don't make this difficult, Jethro!
Fair enough. It won't happen again, Director.
JJen
(walks in front of him) We can continue this conversation in private.
(flirting) I've gotta change my clothes. We can talk in my car on the way to the house.
JJen
(warning him) Gibbs!
Hey! I've got a dead agent and a sniper on the loose, I do not have ten minutes to spare!
Your mother should have washed your mind out with soap! Gibbs leaves with a woman. And your only thought is: Nooner!
Was not!
(chuckles) Was too! I've always known what you were thinking, Tony! (pauses when she sees his face) What? What are you up too? (gasps as she sees her outfit) Tony, I just died, and you're having a sexual fantasy?
(exhales erotically) I can't help it!
(pushes her skirt down as Tony blows it up to see her knickers) DiNozzo!
(admits his feelings) Sometimes I used to picture you naked!
(screams)
JJen
This the same boat you were building six years ago?
Nope!
JJen
What happened to it?
I burned her!
JJen
Why would you...you named it after an ex-wife?
Lets go!
JJen
Which one?
You know damn well "which one"!
JJen
Why didn't you just change the name?
Because it wouldn't matter! Every time I went out on her I'd think of Diane!
JJen
You could have sold it!
And watch some other guy sail off on her?
JJen
(meaning sex) You didn't care who sailed off on Diane! Leroy Jethro Gibbs. You are a strange man!
Me? (scoffs) You were a good agent Jen!
JJen
Were?
Yeah! Director's job is pure politics!
JJen
I'm good at politics! NCIS needs someone who can shake the money tree on the hill AND work with sister agencies!
Wait! You won't call a boat a 'She'...but it's 'Sister Agencies'?
JJen
I'm a schitzoid libber! Comes from working with chauvanists like you!
I can't believe you'd give up field work for rubber chicken dinners!
JJen
I don't think they serve that dish at Palena!
Never heard of it!
JJen
Why would you? IT isn't take out!
So which of the tight sphincters is taking you out? Please tell me "it's not Fornell"!
JJen
CBS Early Show. They want coverage before I go on T.V!
No! Jen you can't do that!
JJen
Excuse me?
Ari is a chauvanist! He's taking the lives of the women I work with before me! So please...don't take that interview!
JJen
I'll see if I can postpone it a few days!
Thank you!
You were my sweet superhero Kate.
(Kate flies over him in a leather costume)
(chuckles) You're a naughty boy Timmy.
Oh my God, I'm becoming Tony.
(Kate chuckles and changes costume to scantily clad)
Oh wow.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.