Leroy Jethro Gibbs quotes from NCIS

Gibbs

DiNozzo! Grab the gear and see if McGee is still alive.

Tony

On it, boss!

Abby

[yelling] What?!

Gibbs

[pulls the phone from his ear, looks at it, puts it back to his ear] Yikes, Abby. What did McGee do now?

Abby

Put his size 10 shoe in his size 12 mouth.

Gibbs

You, blood spatters!

Abby

(hangs head and shuffles away) Yo ho heave ho...

McGee

You just ruled out both suspects.

Abby

No, I didn't. I just proved someone smoked Llamas at Rock Creek park.

Gibbs

Gibbs.

McGee

Boss. I don't know if this is important, but-

Gibbs

McGee, this better be the most important phone call you make in your life.

Wow, I'm amazed you found that.

McGee

Actually, I didn't. Our forensic scientist, Abby Scuito, did.

Wow, this Scuito, she must be hot.

Gibbs

He wanted us to look for a body.

McGee

We still would be if Abby hadn't found the hinky blood trail.

Man, I got to meet this woman.

McGee

She's probably not your type. Tattoos, piercings, dark make-up...

She Goth?

McGee

Uh-huh.

I love Goth.

Kate

Gibbs, what did Ducky look like when he was younger?

Gibbs

[grinning] Ilya Kuryakin.

Gibbs

The homicide detective, that completes the team.

Ducky

You're forgetting the medical examiner.

Jimmy

Oh, that's you!

Gibbs

What did the urine tell you, Abby?

Abby

Oh all kinds of stuff, we had a really good talk.

McGee

What do you got, Abs?

Abby

[to Gibbs] Do I have to answer the newbie?

Gibbs

Humor him.

Abby

There were traces of cocaine in the box.

McGee

So Tony was right, he was dealing drugs.

Abby

Maybe not, the traces were microscopic so it could just be from hiding money.

Abby

He calls himself a federal agent.

Gibbs

U.S. money supply is contaminated with traces of cocaine.

McGee

I thought that was an urban myth.

Abby

Give me a bill.

McGee

Huh?

Abby

Give me a bill!

Gibbs

A hundred?

McGee

Yeah, I like to be prepared for any emergency.

Abby

You are such a boy scout.

Abby

Money is a great receptor because the ink never really dries. One bill used to snort cocaine then going through an ATM leaves minute traces of the drugs on thousands of others. Four out of five bills in circulation are contaminated to a level that can be detected by drug dogs.

McGee

Um, Abs?

Abby

Yeah?

McGee

Forgetting something?

Abby

No.

Gibbs

Any more food fights in here, I'm joining in. With peas.

Kate

Frozen peas?

Gibbs

Nope. In the can.

Tony

At least I don't hang out with married people.

Kate

[to Abby] Would you please tell him that a man and a woman can just be friends?

Abby

Absolutely they can.

Tony

Without having sex?

Abby

Oh no, they'll have sex.

Kate

Abby?!

Abby

What? Come on, Kate, haven't you ever slept with a friend?

Kate

[upset] What is wrong with you people?

Gibbs

[steps in] Good question, Kate.

Abby

[reading lips of people on a tape] "We have to..." something. "We have to - blank - him."

McGee

Kill?

Kate

Murder?

Tony

Love? [Gibbs slaps him] Ow. I really wish you'd stop doing that!

Gibbs

I will, Tony! When you stop "blanking" up!

Tony

I'll take it. I've always wanted a dog. [The dog growls and tries to bite him.]

Kate

Good dog. I think I'll call you Tony.

Gibbs

It's a bitch, Kate.

Kate

I know.

Abby

Hey Gibbs, do you have a camcorder?

Gibbs

[goes back into lab] Yeah. Digital, OK?

Abby

Good, Gibbs. Way to go! [as Gibbs is walking out] Did you make the jump to CDs yet? [Gibbs pauses and turns around to look at her] 'Cause if you didn't, it's cool. 'Cause all the hot DJs, they use vinyl these days anyway.

Gibbs

[stares at Abby blankly] Just get it to me. [walks away]

Abby

Gibbs! [Gibbs stops] Peace out, man!