Tony DiNozzo quotes from NCIS

Why are you jumping with us, Sir?

Tony

I always wanted to jump. Agent Gibbs came along to laugh.

Hard to believe Dave killed Thumper over a lousy two week suspension, Sir.

Gibbs

Yeah.

Thumper rode him, Sir, but no more than the rest of us. It just doesn't make sense.

Tony

Oh no!

Gibbs

What? Chickening out?

Tony

Thirteen. It's my first jump and my reserve number is number Thirteen.

Gibbs

Wouldn't have bothered Thumper, would it, guys? (Brinkman and Dafelmair look at each other)

Gibbs

Either of you superstitious?

No, Sir.

Gibbs

Great. Why don't you swap with Corporal Brinkman?

Tony

What's your reserve chute number?

Four.

Tony

Four? No, four's unlucky in China.

Gibbs

We're not in China.

Tony

I don't care. What's your number?

Eight.

Tony

Great. Eight's lucky in China.

Gibbs

There a problem?

No, Sir.

Tony

Look who I found. MPs weren't gonna let her pass.

Kate

I've got my SIG and badge, but HQ didn't issue my photo ID. Oh my, God. Is this for real?

Ducky

Unfortunately, my dear, it is.

Gibbs

(Hands Kate gloves) Put 'em on.

Ducky

Huh, your first crime scene with us, Caitlin.

Kate

What about Air Force One?

Ducky

Doesn't count, you were in the Secret Service. Hey, Tony, take a team photo for posterity.

Gibbs

Forget posterity. The sun's gonna be up soon. Welcome to NCIS. [hands Kate a pair of boots]

Kate

How did you know my size?

Gibbs

Put 'em on. You can't work a field in high heels. [smiles]

Tony

Depends on the kind of work you're doing.

Kate

Your mind, DiNozzo, runs the gamut from "X" to triple "X".

Tony

Yeah?

Kate

Thanks, DiNozzo.

Tony

Hey, you could be the NCIS poster girl in that outfit.

Abby

You're looking at infrared of Bolivia's Best!

Gibbs

Cocaine?

Tony

The killer's using it?

Abby

Oh no way! The rock's too pure! This is probably from the cutting and the weighing!

Kate

Why don't I think that Thumper was killed cause of Cpl Ramsey's rigging?

Tony

What happened to "The Sad End of a Drano Drinker"?

Abby

I did a new one!

Tony

It was my favorite!

Abby

Art can't stand still, Tony!

Tony

So what's this one?

Abby

"Self Inflicted ShotGun Wound to the Abdomen"!

Tony

Of course!

Abby

I think I've got a theme like with my "ShotGun Shattered BackBone" I've got like a Chagal feeling going on!

Tony

Like in a Manson family way!

Abby

Yeah!

Kate

I was in the Secret Service, we tend to get all hot and bothered over large numbers of $100 bills.

Tony

Is that what does it for you?

Kate

What does it for me, Tony, is a mystery you will never find out.

Tony

But, I know the answer.... Grant.

Abby

[while watching video of a terrorists van] Are we submitting to the Sundance Film Festival?

Tony

Yeah, best terrorist film category.

Abby

Sweet.

Tony

Well that gives you a warm fuzzy feeling doesn't it?

Gerald

What?

Tony

That Gibbs trusts us with a contaminated crime scene.

Tony

I feel like I just kissed my sister.

Abby

I didn't know you had a sister Tony.

Tony

I don't. I was fantasizing.

Abby

I need music to do that.

Kate

He's been searching for a case, any case, since I came in.

Tony

[reading from an e-mail] "All agents not working active cases are to attend the sexual harassment lecture at the NCIS human resource training center at 0930 hours today."

Gibbs

[deadpan] I cannot sit through another one of those. I will shoot myself.

Kate

You mean they train you guys how to harass? [Gibbs turns and looks at her] Hey, I'm kidding, except for Tony.

Tony

For the last time, Kate, I was only trying to get my seatbelt on.

Tony

No boss, you don't understand. I love Puerto Rico.

Kate

Been there a lot?

Tony

[excited at the beginning...trailing off at the end] No that's just it, I've never been there... I mean I'm so wanting to go. Ever since I was a kid I was just...so wanting...sorry...I just always...

Gibbs

[deadpan] Wanted to be there.

Tony

Yeah.

Ducky

Well if you'll excuse me, I'll get our poor seaman out of his wet clothes.

Tony

You're not going to say, and into a dry Martini, are you?

Kate

So they pretty much hate us.

Tony

Noooooooooo........... Pretty much.

Tony

Aren't you guys interested at all in what I brought you back from Puerto Rico?

[sighing] Sure. Fine.

Kate

You gotta be kidding.

Tony

A bikini. Two-piece.

Kate

A bottom. And a hat??

Tony

Puerto Rican!

Gibbs

Any chance you're going to try that on?

Kate

[tosses it at Gibbs] You first.

Gibbs

[looks over the bikini bottom] Trust me. It's not gonna fit.

Kate

Pigs. I work with pigs.

Tony

[as Gibbs is opening his gift] It's a fantasy RPG book. Complete with character sheets and dice. Baby steps, Gibbs. Baby steps.

Gibbs

It's in Spanish.

Tony

There's just no pleasing you, is there?

If you need anything--

Gibbs

I won't hesitate. [MCPO leaves]

Kate

Why didn't that sound sincere.

Gibbs

You get used to it. They either stonewall or kiss-ass. To them, we're the internal affairs of the Navy.

Kate

So basically, they hate us.

Tony

Noooooooooo... [he and Gibbs look at each other] Pretty much.