[Dr. Ulof is preparing to make a guinea pig transparent. The guinea pig is secured to a table.]
If he straps on a rubber glove I'm leaving.
. . .
CACrow [as Dr. Ulof]
Have a look a Coco's medical record... Let's see, whooping cough in third grade, mother ate by cat, father flushed down toilet. Everything normal.
. . .
[Ulof is doing sciency stuff with a machine consisting primarily of two metallic globes set together on a long pole.]
Kind of an abstract sculpture of Jayne Mansfield.
. . .
[Ulof inserts a Dremel-like device between the two globes.]
I don't know what he's doing but it looks naughty!
. . .
All this just to get a UHF station?
[dressed as a farmer, while Forrester suggests the SOL gang entertain visitors of Deep 13 with a Llama petting zoo] So you folks wanna touch the Llama, eh? That's right, eh? You can touch him all you want. You can touch him all night til' Hell freezes over! Not me, though; nosiree-bob! I wouldn't touch that smelly old thing. He hasn't been looking too good. Smells kind of funny too- smells really kinda rank! But you can touch him if you want! Ain't no law says you can't! Right, Mikey?
[staring forward blankly] You people bring matches for Mikey?
[screaming as Mike starts hitting himself and aggressively attempting to pet Crow's Llama disguise] YOU SHUT UP, MIKEY! YOU SHUT UP! You folks don't give NO matches to Mikey! You hear me? YOU HEAR ME?!! I don't care what Mikey say or Mikey do! I don't care if he comes crawling into your house at night, stark naked with a big 'ol knife! Don't give him no matches!!
[Inside a spooky, cobwebby mansion, an owl surveys the room and blinks.]
CACrow [as Owl]
¡Qui! ¡Qui! [N]
. . .
[The camera zooms in on a dessicated woman's corpse in a casket.]
Let the Cher jokes...begin.
Hey, it looks like Cher! Heh heh heh...
[Vampire priestess Tandra calls on the goddess Selene, changing from her withered form to a hottie.]
Another successful José Eber makeover.
CACrow [as Tandra]
I'm pretty, so I have value now.
[As Diana plays the "Moonlight" Sonata, four bats hover outside her window.]
Hey, the woodland creatures love her music!
I don't get the physics of a hovering bat.
The Vampire Precision Flight Team in formation!
CACrow [as Bat]
I don't know how long I can keep this up!
[Samson walks into the room, wearing a luchadore mask, wrestling tights, and a cape, with no shirt.]
[trying to stifle a laugh] PfftHAHA!!!
SSamson
I came as soon as I got your message, professor. What's going on?
SAServo [as Samson]
I feel sort of silly right now. Did I overdress?
. . .
MAMike [as Samson]
So, do you need any wrestling done, or...?
CCharles
Now why all the mystery? I can see that you're anxious to speak to me.
CACrow [as Orlof]
I am not anxious, it is you who is anxious.
OProfessor Orlof
You see, Diana is in terrible danger, but what's a good way to explain it to you?
CCharles
Well that's easy, start by explaining.
OProfessor Orlof
I can't, Charles. I'm at a loss.
CCharles
Be frank, I want to hear all the details. I'm to understand that Diana could be in danger, Professor. I've been summoned here, because you hope I'll find an adequate way to protect her. Isn't that the truth? And nevertheless, you can't, or won't tell me what is happening.
SAServo [as Charles]
And that makes it hard to get the scene going!
CCharles
How can you expect any help when I don't know who it is I must protect your daughter from?
OProfessor Orlof
Charles, I'm usually quite direct, and I don't like secrets, but in this case, I hesitate now because, you see, I'm not sure yet that's about what you'll say.
CCharles
Someone is trying to kidnap Diana so they can collect ransom from you. Come on now, speak up.
OProfessor Orlof
No no, I swear, it's not true, Charles. No, it's something far more terrible than death itself, it's horrifying! I'm at a loss!
MAMike [as Orlof]
But forget I said anything.
OProfessor Orlof
That's all I'm going to tell you now. Should you decide to help me, fine. If not, then leave me alone!
CACrow [as Charles]
Look, you invited me here!
CCharles
Now take it easy, Professor. I'll help you, and willingly. But how?
SAServo [as Orlof]
I can't tell you, now leave me alone!
OProfessor Orlof
Tomorrow night, I'd like you to gather together some men, and good men, and come to the party, Charles. I mean to protect Diana.
SAServo [as Orlof]
Now get out of here!
CCharles
Now look, if she's in danger, why not disband the party?
OProfessor Orlof
That's impossible. Diana's very sentimental. It's only what the girl deserves. But at the same time, she can't know the facts either. My, the situation is desperate!
CCharles
Now Professor, let me know what's happening here, simply for Diana's good.
OProfessor Orlof
No, don't insist. I repeat, I can't say anymore. Now do me a favor, leave me alone. I have work to get done tonight.
CACrow [as Orlof]
Be sure to stop by again tomorrow, and then leave immediately! [Charles leaves the room]
SAServo [as Orlof]
No wait, come back!
CACrow [as Orlof]
Why won't he help me???
