[The opening credits are shown against scenes of a swarm of honeybees.]
CCrow
They named every bee? This is gonna take forever...
S9The Deadly Bees
[Slender British rock band The Birds (not the more famous Byrds) perform a song.]
CCrow
[singing] Eight… miles… wrong!
. . .
Guys, just skip the music and go right to the heroin.
[A car pulls up in front of a very hairy-looking tree.]
CCrow
Hey, they're growing Bill the Cat!
[Hargrove is sitting down at the pub]
HHargrove
Morning, David.
HHawkins
Good morning, Mr. Hargrove. What can I get you?
HHargrove
Oh, the usual.
9 A.M., why so late?
HHargrove
Make it a double, will you?
CCrow
Alright, now we're in England.
Andy Capp: The Movie.
[Chain-smoker Mary Hargrove pours gasoline on her husband's beehives, tossing Doris aside when she tries to interfere.]
Wow! Look at her go! I didn't realize cigarettes had so many vitamins!
[After bees kill first Mrs. Hargrove's dog and then her, the local coroner questions Mr. Hargrove at an inquest.]
CCoroner
Is there anything you can tell this court which would help it to establish the exact cause of your wife's death?
HHargrove
The cause should be obvious. She was stung to death by bees.
CCoroner
And her dog?
SAServo [as Hargrove]
Uh, the dog didn't sting her.
[Vicki gets dressed and sneaks out, her shoes clacking with a rather horse hoof-like sound.]
[singing to "Sleigh Bells"] Giddy-up, giddy-up, giddy-up, let's go…
[Meanwhile, Doris, wearing a somewhat dull brown skirt and vest over a white shirt, walks through the woods.]
CCrow
Hey, it's Nondescript Spice.
Whose woods these are?
CCrow
Oh, I think I know.
Huh?
[High in the trees, the killer bees are swarming in a whirlpool-like circle.]
[gasps] Killer cookie crumbs!
CACrow [as Doris]
Damn, it's that "bee-loud glade" that Yeats spoke of.
[After Vicki passes out from exhaustion during her solo, the music is still playing on the reel-to-reel, with her voice still singing as well.]
CCrow
She still lip-syncs better than Jewel.
[Vicki's feverish nightmare includes a shot of Tess, barking as bees swarm over her]
MAMike [as Tess]
Avenge me! Ruff!
[While Vicki is waiting at Manfred's home, Hargrove brings him the rest of her luggage.]
MAMike [as Hargrove]
If you're looking for her panties I'm already wearing the good ones.
[Moments after Vicki drops a flaming log on Manfred's carpet, his entire house is engulfed in flames.]
CCrow
The house was made of typing paper and oily rags.
[At the very end of the movie, as Vicki is leaving Hargrove's farm, a man in a bowler hat walks in from out of nowhere. Then the credits roll.]
CCCrow [confused]
All right, start smoochin', movie! What the hell is this?
Is there going to be a credit that says "Guy At The End"?
S9The Space Children
[In the opening credits, we see: Century 21 Calling.]
Oh! They want their little gold jacket back.
[A monorail is moving through Seattle over the opening credits]
CCrow
Oh, these monorail designers - they have a one-track mind.
Why do you lash out like that?
CCrow
I don't know.
[Shot of the Space Needle over a soundtrack of organ music.]
The only bathroom in the fair is up there.
CCrow
Well, I'm glad to know the future has CONSTANT ORGAN MUSIC!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.