[one of Antinea's soldiers asks for forgiveness after his men were overpowered by Hercules' son Hylas and Timoteo who rescued Ismene]
You're right; it won't happen again.
[as Antinea] Because you're fired!
[as a pit of acid opens in the floor] Not the commode!
I knew it; death by chocolate.
S Soldier
[begging] No; don't kill me!
[as soldier] Don't make me take a bath!
[as the soldier is forced into the pit] You can't do that; I have tubes in my ears! You're gonna get in trouble so bad! Whoa!
It'll kill him, but it'll do wonders for his arthritis.
[as soldier; in the pit gurgling] Is it too late to request a last meal? [the soldier is soon reduced to corroded skeletal remains]
Another Jenny Craig success story.
[as Atlantis crumbles and citizens die in the climax] For Herc, these are just acceptable losses.
[Crow and Servo made a Hercules action figure- which seems to have only one action phrase]
I'm so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open.
Okay, we admit it; our action figure's lame- lame!
[crying] We're failures, Tommy; failures!
No, don't say that! You put your best foot forward.
I don't even have a foot ! [cries again]
Okay; that's beside the point. You guys tried your very hardest, and because of that, you'll never be failures! [pulls Hercules' voice box cord again]
You're absolutely right, Joel Robinson. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor. Goodnight now. [Joel faints in shock as the show cuts to commercial]
[Antinea is talking with her daughter Ismene about why she sent her away to be sacrificed]
On the day a daughter of mine would outlive me, it is written that the sacred texts the Kingdom of Atlantis will be destroyed.
Boy, she's really strict.
No... I don't want to die.
[mock crying] I want to live! I want to live and laugh and love in life and live!
[as Antinea] You stop or I'll give you something to cry about.
[Antinea's guards arrive]
[as Antinea] And if you don't die willingly, I'm going to ground you, young lady!
[as the youths storm Queen Antinea's temple]
A All
Hell no, we won't go! Attitca! Attica! Atticus...?
[Hercules stumbles upon the slaughtered army of youths outside Antinea's temple]
A All
[as the pile of bodies] We love you Conrad, oh yes, we do...
[to Gypsy] Richard Basehart!
Don't patronize me, Joel!
[as Atlantis crumbles in the climax ]
[pleading to a statue of their god Uranus] You must protect me, mighty Uranus!
[as Uranus] Bite me; I'm a statue.
T Timoteo
[after Hercules falls asleep following a conversation with Androcles] I really would've prefered he hit somebody.
[as Androcles] Well, whatever tugs at your bobber, little fella.
[as the film draws to a close, and the screen pans out to Hercules' boat sailing into the horizon with the heroes on it]
[in a Jamaican accent] Come back to Atlantis!
Make it Atlantis again, man!
Now let's hear Herc regale in the tale one more time!
[as the S.O.L. crew celebrate having gotten through (seemingly) the last Hercules movie they were subjected through]
Hercules, wherever you are out there in the ancient Greek Pantheon, I just want to say... bite me!
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
