Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

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[The narrator has talked about keeping paper on the floor to cover litter.]

After the first few days, the paper can be removed.

CCrow

Except for the sports section.

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The range shelter should be very small, not holding more than a hundred birds.

MAMike [as Narrator]

Or migrant workers.

The shelter protects them from the sun and gives them a safe place to roost out of the way of rodents.

[Over a shot of chickens frantically fluttering out of a hen house]

CMCrow, Mike, Servo [as chickens]

RODENTS?! AAAAHHH!!

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[Over a shot of chickens eating]

SAServo [as chicken]

Heavens, I'm so fat. I just look at chicken feed and I gain weight.

CACrow [as chicken]

Does this taste funny to you?

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[Over a group of chickens in the henhouse]

CACrow [as chicken]

Open your hymnals to number 325.

. . .

TATom [as chicken]

Everybody! Soylent Green is made from chickens!

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[The Narrator is talking about profitable egg production.]

A hen that lays 210 eggs a year and eats 70 pounds of feed is giving you 3 eggs for every pound you feed her.

MAMike [as Narrator]

She will live.

Keep that one.

CACrow [as Narrator]

She's worth millions.

But if she eats 70 pounds of feed and lays only 70 eggs a year, you better send her to the market or to your dinner table.

Or put a warning slip on her desk.

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[As the Narrator talks about cooling eggs and moisture.]

MAMike [as Narrator]

So put your mouth under a chicken.

. . .

CACrow [as Narrator]

Lick your eggs, or have a friend lick them.

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[Showing a comparison of chickens as meat producers]

It's Goofus and Gallant.

. . .

CCrow

This could be your drumstick. This is the number to call.

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[Shot of cooked chicken being sliced very thinly]

[dripping with sarcasm] Oh, thanks for the generous portion!

. . .

CCrow

Yes, chicken sliced to the width of one electron.

These must be models' portions.

MAMike [as server]

This one's for you, Miss Moss, and for you, Miss Turlington...

. . .

CCrow

[in Ritzy accent] Yes, it's chicken. Glorious American chicken sliced the American way!

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CCrow

Alright, come on, sing, sing! Row, row, row-- you're not singing!

Hundreds of live chickens can be speeded on their way to the dressing plant.

CCrow

Dressing plant? Sounds like fun.

I want a new hat.

[Shot of a gas station]

One truck can handle thousands of eggs and take them anywhere there to market.

Even to the Texaco station.

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[over a closeup of the Creeper's face]

CCrow

Hey fella, why the long face?

Now, come on...

CCrow

[laughing] I'm sorry, I couldn't...

I begged you not to do that!

CCrow

I know...

That hurts.

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He can't decide if he's a creeper, a peeper, a stalker, a walker, a backbreaker...

CCrow

In today's job market, you can't afford not to diversify.

S7 Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell

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[A warrior runs at Deathstalker, brandishing his sword wildly.]

SAServo [as warrior]

Duh-huh, kill! Huh huh...

[As he lunges, the warrior gets caught in a trap that leaves him dangling by his leg from a tree.]

CCrow

Whoa! He set that thing for pheasants; that was lucky!

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[A large mob of people (who have never been seen before this point in in the movie) attack Troxartis' castle; several of them scurry up a ladder over the top of the wall.]

MAMike [as attacker]

Remember, top rung not to be used as a step!

CACrow [as attacker]

Who are we?!

S7 Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell

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[After the climactic battle, Marinda lies dying in Deathstalker's arms.]

MMarinda

I love you!