Moral Orel · Season 3
Hey, sheriff? You want me to stay here to make sure that Orel doesn't goof anything up? Or maybe you can take me on the hunting trip with you, sheriff.
Oh ho ho, Doughy. That was just a ploy to get Orel to shoot better. Why, you could be Lee Harvey Oswald and I still wouldn't bring you on that trip with me.
Hey Orel, where are you going tagging along with your dad like a goofy-two-shoes?
My dad's taking me hunting
Cool! I love killing things! It's funny!
Yeah...
You should try shooting animals right in the legs, that way, It'll be easier to punch them to death!
Um...are you my mom?
What? Who told you that?
Some dummy...
How can I be your mom? I've never even hit you!
Wow. This is weird. You're holding my you.
[holding Sonny] Yeah. I wished you could've held my me. When it wasn't... him.
Yeah. Me too.
[After Joe has beaten his dad for hiding the truth about his mom, Nurse Bendy.]
He doesn't remember, Joe. He's getting old.
He was always old!
Well then, he's getting old... er. He's losing his mind.
Good!
The first parts he forgot were the ones about your mom.
Why didn't you tell me about her?
Why should I tell you anything? I'm not your mom.
Finish this one: "Unbridled free thinking leads to...?"
Free thinking...free thinking...free thinking? This that even a word?
Two words. Some call it a phrase.
Modella, I'm surprised at you!
It wasn't I, mother.
Well, it certainly wasn't our dear, little Lunchbox here.
Mom, that was me singing...along with the family.
Really, Bloberta; you know we don't need two sopranos, and your older sister has perfect pitch.
I know.
Oh please, nobody's per--
RAYMOND!!!
I'll shut up!
[At their wedding, Clay smiles at Bloberta as she walks down the aisle but as soon as she stands to him at the altar, he frowns. She looks at him and stops smiling too.]
And do you, Bloberta Hymentact, take Clay Puppington as your lawfully wedded husband?
[Bloberta takes a deep breath, the camera zooms in and transitions to the present in "Nature Part 2"]
Why not?
Only God could explain why you stayed here with me, and your brothers and sisters didn't. It must have been all that praying I did during the pregnancy with you. Do you know I didn't even smoke? Imagine being that preoccupied that you forget to even light up a cigarette every once in a while. My stomach was tied in such knots, and...I was so steeped in all my prayers that I couldn't even force down a highball. I mean, if it wasn't for food, I would've wasted away to nothing; and of course, through everything that was going on through my mind, I never had time to horseback ride or go on a roller coaster. And that trampoline out back, that practically went to waste. With all that lack of exercise, it's a wonder you were ever born at all.
Mom, are you telling me that you're trying to tell me that I'm not your precious, only ever?
Well, you're my precious, only, living ever. By default.
You lied to me!
No!
You lied to me, Mommy! I'm not going to be your precious, only, living ever any more!
No! Clarence, come back! I mean, Clay!
[The paramedics arrive after Clay's prank causes his mother to have a fatal heart attack]
I'm sorry, Mr Puppington, cardiac arrest.
She was in heaven before we got here.
No...there is no heaven... [Clay hugs him, crying. Arthur shoves him aside] I don't need anymore of your leftovers.
You'll go to hell for saying there's no heaven.
[Arthur raises his arm to slap him, but stops]
You're not even worth it.
Not worth it?
Now, would you kindly pass me the ketchup you killed your mother with?
I want to see you in my study. Now.
[Arthur gives Clay Ol' Gunny]
Clay, it's been a grand Puppington tradition that the head of the household passes down Ol' Gunny to his firstborn son. But I am not passing it onto you now because of that tradition. I am in fact ending the tradition. There will be no coming of the age hunting trip. I don't want this in my possession anymore. It's tainted. With blood.
Sure it's not just ketchup?
No, look closer. You killed your mother with this gun.
You know, it's a sin to bear false witness.
[Arthur raises his hand to strike Clay, but stops]
Oh, oh, oh, and remember the last lost sixty-third commandment: Thou shalt never forget thy loaded a gun when thou has an innocent child in the house!
[Clay flinches, waiting for Arthur to slap him. He opens his eyes and finds Arthur is gone.]
[Orel is trying to find a date to the Arms-Length Dance]
You see, I think Stephanie's kind of lost because she never had anyone special to take to the Arm’s Length Dance; and as far as I can see, bringing someone special to that is important to her happiness and maybe even mine.
[Block enters the room and starts annoying Orel.]
Shapey plea- I mean Block- Block?! [gasps] Christina! Of course! There is someone special in my life! But, I'm not supposed to like her, because she's different. Unless, you don't mind? Please give me a sign, would you mind if--
No!
Wow! Of all the things he could have said!
Are you kidding? You can't compare you and her to Orel and his little Orelette.
Why, because we're two girls, and tolerance is only a pretend theme?
No. Because she didn't care about you.
...wow. You remember it better than I do.
Yeah, I remember. When you've had my track record with love that stuff hits you like a ton of bricks. I felt bad for ya. But, if you keep playing that song, we might both get lucky tonight.
Florence, pull yourself together. It's embarrassing enough to be your friend!
Dottie...we are not friends.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Moral Orel pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
