You're our ringer, Orel, remember that. Not to put the pressure on you, but to put all of the pressures completely on your head.
S2 E11Praying
Now, as you know, there's going to be four categories this year, Orel: Asking for things, praising, general appreciation, and of course, requesting forgiveness.
Gee, shouldn't "requesting forgiveness" be included in "asking for things"? And come to think of it, "praising" and "general"--
Orel, I think you know who makes the rules for such a thing as praying.
Oh, of course. [He looks up at the sky]
That's right, a bunch of random guys.
S2 E12Repression
Uh, look, just try not to think about it. Not a sight out of mind.
That is easy to say.
You can do it. Distract yourself. Giver your wife a baby, that'll make you feel like a good husband. Just pretend.
[Block Posabule comes running into the study and smashes some glasses]
Yay! Break!
Orel! Look what you let in [Hits Block with a fly-squatter] Skat Shapey! Shoo shoo!
Dad, that's not Shap--
What's up son?
S2 E13Turn the Other Cheek
Orel, you know you shouldn't upset your mother by coming home with dirty clothes, because then, your mother talks to your father, and no-one wants that
Ah, yes, "turn the other cheek" - the war cry of the fraidy-cats. Orel, the phrase "turn the other cheek" has been mis-used ever since violence became out of style.
It has?
Sure! That phrase should only be used when someone insults you or makes jokes about your wife. Then you should just grin and bear it. Even laugh if it's funny!
(as Orel undoes his pants for a "lesson") Forget it, save it.
But aren't you going to teach me a lesson?
No, I'm not.
So, what does this mean, you're giving up on me, Dad?
Orel, a father never gives up on his son, because then he's not really a father; and if I'm not a father, all I really am is a husband, and that's practically worthless.
Uh-huh.
Also, you did follow my advice, kiddo, so punishing you would be an admission of wrongness on my part, and believe you me, that ain't gonna happen.
So why did we even come in here?
Well, we had to cast what's called a smoke-screen.
A smoke-screen?
Yes, it's a valuable tool I use in order to give your mother the illusion that I'm actually doing my job as your father.
Neat! You're the best, Dad. I love you.
Sure do. Well, we got about one more minute in here.
(Orel and Clay just stand and sit there for just over a minute while the credits roll)
S2 E14Geniuses
[While hiking, Orel and Doughy discover the "missing link" in a block of ice]
Wow look, it's the fictional missing link from the ghost book.
Say, that should take care of our coincidence badges!
And our melting badges! (sprays an aerosol can)
Yippee!
Geniuses is the most simplistic way of disproving evolution while at the same time proving that a miracle of God's pure brainpower, He whipped up the universe in His heaven shaped laboratory hundreds of years ago.
Wow.
In fact, Geniuses is so simplistic that even the lowest form of life can understand it.
S2 E15Courtship
Boy Orel, I sure do have a great life! Always getting to do what I want and never having to worry about getting germs from hugging my parents or anything.
Gee, Mr. Creepler's been parked outside of your house for hours now.
I know. He keeps asking me to get in the back of his boring old ice-cream van.
Well maybe he's just lonely and needs a friend.
SMs Sculptham
Doughy, I wanted to thank you for that trip to Paris. The city of love to hate.
It was my pleasure.
SMs Sculptham
Good, because here's a few other things you can get me for your pleasure. (gives Doughy a long list of gift ideas)
After I get you all these things, then can we go steady?
SMs Sculptham
(writing on the blackboard) Well, if you get me all these things plus other things then that equals maybe.
S2 E16School Pageant
CMr Christein
Crooning? What the mishegus is this 'crooning?'
CMrs Christein
It's like "canting", but without the no Jesus
Three weeks later...
I hate you Jesus,
You rotten little fink,
POfficer Papermouth
Your sermon never pleases,
And all your parables all stink,
FMr.Figgurelli
Your eyes are beady, nose is weird, a goofy basket case,
OWOld Woman
I'd like to take that stupid beard and rip it off your face!
RPRev.Putty
Prancing gayly on the water, a long haired scrawny clod, you maybe someone's daughter but you sure ain't the son of....
EEverybody
[In church] Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-God, I hate you Jesus, with your boring miracles, you smell like a hundred cheeses have been shoved right up...shoved right up...shoved right up my nose!!
Wow! Everybody sure hates Jesus! Whoops...
S2 E17Presents for God
[Around town, there is a big epidemic of STD's, thanks to Orel's "soul-saving business"]
Well, I just don't know what's causing all these horrible diseases
[Reading a newspaper, covering his face] it's a real mystery
[Clay removes the newspaper, revealing that he has syphilis on his cheek]
Say, I think I'll go and paint the...uh...lawn!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Moral Orel pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.