[Fritz has been told that he has to fire one of the MIFTers by the end of the week due to budget cuts; Mike is looking for ways to boost morale without overextending Monsters Inc.'s budget]
You want me to tell you how to boost morale?
Yes, because you're "always watching." Or is it "always stinking"? I don't know. Whatever it is.
FMFemale monster
Ugh! No more coffee screamer?! What's the point?!
How about you approve your paperwork on time? That would make me smile. And I've been told I have an infectious grin. [smiles]
You sure this is gonna work?
ValYeah, yeah. We'll buy him a Drooler Cooler, that'll cheer Fritz up, and you won't get fired.
Wait, what's wrong with Fritz?
Oh, uh, hey, Mike. I broke his favorite vending machine this morning...
Val
Vendy.
Yeah, Vendy, yeah. I broke Vendy this morning and...
And he needs a new one! That's it! I got two words for ya: upgrades!
I think upgrades is one word.
The perfect way to boost morale. And if we boost morale, we boost laughs. And if we boost laughs, we boost profits. And nobody has to be let go! [whispers] Except maybe Stinky…
[Fritz is shocked to see a brand new vending machine where Vendy was]
Look at that. It even has hot foods. That's pretty... hot.
That's right, sir. I had it installed just for you.
Val
You had it installed? No, no, no. This wasn't Duncan's idea.
Yeah, Val and I are the ones who gave Mike the idea to upgrade.
But I approved the delivery.
Val
Duncan!
No, no, no, no, no. I don't think I like this.
This was all College Boy's hair-brained scheme.
What?! No! Hey, I didn't ask Mike to send this down.
You said it was your idea.
I said it was Mike's idea.
Val
Upgrades.
This is clearly all their fault. Keep that in mind.
Val
Duncan...
[as Tylor, Val and Duncan continue arguing, Fritz walks up to the new vending machine and looks through all the selections]
Wow! Look at all these refreshing Drooler Cooler flavors. I like this.
How do I choose? There's Spineapple! That sounds...
Taste Free, Bilgeberry. Maybe I'm just gonna go for Bile Blast.
If you're happy, I'm happy.
[selects Bile Blast] Bump-bump-bump. [inserts his coins] Bitty bump. [the machine opens and a tray comes out holding a Bile Blast Drooler Cooler] Oh, my! [drinks the Drooler Cooler] The acidity's astounding. I can't feel my tongue, but so what? Maybe I should've tried the Lemon Slime instead. That could've been even more delightful and refreshing.
Val
Hey, look, there's an exchange button.
Val
Right there.
Oh. Jumping gaskets! [presses the exchange button and places the drink back in the tray] Whoa! Would you look at that? [selects Lemon Slime] Bitty bump. [the tray comes out holding a Lemon Slime Drooler Cooler] I can't get over it! This is really something! Thank you, Vendy 2! [kisses "Vendy 2"] And thank you all. You know, I'm having a really rough week and this makes me feel a smidgy bit better. [goes into his office carrying multiple sodas]
You hear that? He thanked us. We're not getting fired.
No, no. He thanked moi. I'm not getting fired.
[Fritz is looking over each MIFTer's files]
He's in there right now. Going through our files. Making his decision. And don't think your little vending machine trick will work, College Boy. You can't snack your way out of gettin' fired.
Oh, I think I already have. [looks at the candy selections in Vendy Two] Whoa! Hot Snots?
Hot Snots? [flies up to Tylor] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Not so fast. No-no-no-no-no! You can't have those. Hot Snots are my thing.
Your thing? No, no. They've been my thing since I was three.
Three?! My mom popped those babies instead of prenatals, okay?!
I win! You'll just have to find another favorite.
Seriously? No, I'm getting them.
[they both bicker and continuously press the button on Vendy Two until she shuts down]
Ho-ho! Now you're definitely getting fired.
You're the one who kept push-push-pushing. He's firing you!
Val
Fritz is gonna be so upset.
[sighs] Yeah, I better fix this thing.
Whoa, no-no-no-no-no. You can't fix anything, we've established that. I'll fix it, and you just stand there and be fired. [opens the circuit panel on Vendy Two and starts taking parts out]
It says to call an authorized service center.
Authorized, schmauthorized. That's for amateurs like you. [gets electrocuted and topples over] Don't touch that yellow wire. Reroute this to that, tighten this, jiggly this thingie, and boom! Let's give this thing a try. [he and Tylor push Vendy Two back into place and she turns back on] There! Good as new. I'll just get rid of all this stuff. [moves the parts he took out under Vendy Two]
Val
Wait-wait-wait-wait. What are those?
Ah, you know, extra parts. Bunch of doohickeys.
Val
Doohickeys?
It's not gonna make any difference.
Oh, I think I need another Drooler Cooler pick-me-up. I've got a lot on my mind. [selects drinks] Oh, Spittle Splash flavor. That sounds scrumptious. [selects Spittle Splash and inserts his change; Vendy Two dispenses a box of Pop-Farts instead] Pop-Farts? I don't want Pop-Farts. [presses the exchange button; the machine roars and flashes "unleash the feast" then launches a soda right into Fritz stomach]
TVTylor and Val
Are you okay?
No! I got canned! There's something very wrong with that machine!
[Vendy Two goes haywire and starts launching food and drinks at the MIFTers]
[The MIFTers retreat into Fritz's office as Vendy Two continues to go crazy]
[Duncan is still trapped in Vendy 2]
PLEASE!! LEMME OUTTA HERE!!
Val
We gotta save him!
Val
[gets an idea] You!
Val
You may not be the best MIFTer at fixing stuff, but you're pretty good at breaking it.
Val
So, get out there and fix-beak Vendy 2.
Val
Double T!
SOMEBODY LET ME OUT! IT'S NOT AS SPEACIOUS AS IT LOOKS!
Time to get to work! [roars loudly and begins destroying Vendy 2]
Woah, he really would've made a great Scarer.
[Vendy 2 explodes; Tylor is holding Duncan]
I'll never remove a doohickey again. Ugh!
[because of profits going up, nobody in MIFT has to be let go; Tylor is setting up a surprise]
Val
Morning, MIFTers! So, what's up?
I don't know. Tylor wouldn't let us in till you got here. [knocks on the door]
Come on in. But cover your eyes. [the gang close their eyes] Alright, there you go, come on in. Yeah, yeah. Just over here. Careful, careful. Okay. Hold right there. Up, up! Keep'em closed. And open! [they opens their eyes to see that Tylor has put the original Vendy back together] Surprise!
Val
Ah, you fixed her!
More like blindly cobbled.
Hey, look, I fixed something all by myself, and I kept all the doohickeys.
Uh-huh. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, whatever.
Well, give it a try, Ty-Ty. Give it a try!
Hi, Vendy! [inserts his change and presses a button]
MMIFTers
Bump-bump-bump, big bump! [Vendy dispenses a Drooler Cooler]
One Drooler Cooler! [throws the drink to Fritz]
Who needs all those fancy flavors when I've got Drooler Cooler Classic?
And we get to keep classic Fritz.
Goodness, I feel just like Vendy, all fixed up and ready to work here at MIFT for years to come!
Wouldn't want it any other way, Fritz.
Oh, yeah, cheers. Whatever.
[Monstropolis is hit with a heatwave.]
LLisa
[on TV] And in weather, it's icky and sticky here in Monstropolis, with high temperatures continuing over the next few days. Don?
DDon
Thanks, Lisa. As you can see, in nearby Monstrocity, it's already well into 200s, with humidity at 140%.
[chuckles] This is a good one. Hey, Duncan, who's that right next to you, huh, huh? [referring to Duncan's oscillating fan] That's your biggest fan.
[sarcastically] Oh, wow. Don't quit your day job, College [his fan blows on his face] Booooooy.
Phew! That machine shop's hot, but nearly as hot as my former husbands. Pierre, Sheldon, oh, Ricardo.
Val
Heads up! [tosses Tylor a Drooler Cooler]
Val
No problem. [camera shows Val making a huge stack of Drooler Coolers] Just finishing off my Drooler Cooler Tower of Coolness.
[a work order is launched from the mail chute and ricochets around until it knocks over the Tower of Coolness, revealing Fritz to be inside]
Aw. Just when it was getting cool.
Val
Aw.
LLisa
Sounds like it'll be monstrously hot today. [laughs] Right, Don? Don? [the camera shows Don has melted on the news desk] Somebody get a mop!
[Val tracks down Tylor and finds him with Adorable]
Val
[scared] Y-y-y-y-you're the...
Val
I heard you ate some guy in Monster Resources.
Val
That's what I heard.
I didn't eat Dale. Dale quit. Went to school to become a massage therapist. Which I'm like, "You need a school for that?"
Val
Uh, yeah. Nine months. And a lot of money.
Val
Oh.
But now, I got some friends that understand me.
Val
Aw.
Hey! I'll get some games. We can play Pin the Tail on a Yak or Name That Yak or Yakopoly!
Val
Yakopoly? I love games, too.
Okay, we gotta get back. Let's go, let's go.
Val
Let's stay.
Val
Come on, Tylor.
You wanna spend the rest of your life here?!
Val
Please, can we stay? Please, please, please, please, please...
[Adorable appears in front of all the MIFTers]
What's he doing here?! He stole 27 1/2 cars from the parking lot!
No, he was banished for drinking screams directly from the canisters.
Val
Is this true?
What would I do with half a car?
Oh, who knows the twisted criminal mind?!
He's gotta go. Assisting or harboring a banished monster is punishable by banishment.
And you definitely can't hide 'em in your apartment for six months. Not that I would know.
[Tylor has tricked Adorable into going back into the Himalayas by having him make snow cones for Mike and Sulley]
Val
Double T.
Val
I found out what happened. Why he was banished.
Val
He didn't eat Dale, or steal cars, or drink screams. He never hurt anybody.
I don't understand. Then why would he be banished?
Val
He saw a letter from Waternoose about plans for a machine that would extract screams from kids.
Oh, he knew about the Scream Extractor.
Val
After that, Waternoose banished him for life. But he just wanted a friend.
Hey, Tylor, get in here! We've just about met the power demand, and you're not even on the board.
The kid loved it. You should have heard him laugh.
Who knew Carla and that liquid-emitting flora was so funny? [chuckles] I love surprises.
[Tylor gives up his first chance to make a kid laugh after he felt guilty about Adorable; the Himalayan banishment door appears on the Laugh Floor]
Uh-oh. Sulley, this door looks very familiar.
[bursts through the door holding snow cones, followed by Tylor and Val] Snow cones for everybody!
We've got lemon and lingonberry.
Val
And zero-calorie snow flavored.
Adorable, what are you doing here?
Perfect timing. Yum! With this heat, I could sure use one of those snow cones.
We were in your cave a month ago.
Yeah, but that's a long time in Yeti years. Uh, snow cone?
[takes a lemon snow cone] What a way to cool off. [tastes his snow cone, making his voice raspy] Mmm. And these lemon ones, they're a little tart. Makes my mouth feel funny.
Yeah, it was all my friend Tylor's idea.
Um, Sulley, Mike, I feel like Adorable here has been banished long enough.
Val
More like unjustly banished by Waternoose for discovering the Scream Extractor.
Scream Extractor? No wonder he wanted to get rid of you.
You shouldn't have been banished, you should've been rewarded.
You're right, Mike. Adorable, now that I'm CEO of Monsters, Incorporated, I hereby un-banish you.
Ya here that? Officially un-banished!
Val
Whoo-hoo! Yes!
And no more mail room for you. You're getting a promotion as…
[In the main lobby of the factory]
Official snow cone seller of Monsters, Incorporated!
I'll see ya and your funny flower tomorrow on the Laugh Floor.
Val
Hey, sorry you missed your chance.
Eh, I'll get another one. It's me, remember? Besides, when life throws you a snowball, you make a snow cone.
[After failing to make Thalia laugh...]
Val
What is it? Double T?
[frustrated] I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I mean, we were totally getting along, and now, look at her. Look. [shows Thalia, grumpily sitting at the table outside the room with the other monster children] I can't even get her to smile, you know? She just looks at me, and she's, she's just... "bleh". She was my last chance at becoming a Jokester. You... You know this is all her mom's fault, right?
Val
Maybe, if you weren't being such an aaaaa... ambitiously-focused individual?
Yeah, I'm done, okay? For all I care, Thalia can go find her "I-wouldn't-know-comedy-if-it-hit-me-in-the-butt" mom, and let her know that Tylor Tusk-MON... says that she is the most not-funny monster in all of Monstropolis! Not me! She can walk herself upstairs, march into her mom's office, and tell her that!
[Thalia had been listening the entire time.]
TThalia
Okay. I'll go tell her that.
[Tylor and Val watch as Thalia heads to the door. Tylor just stands there and scoffs, even after Thalia goes out the door. Eventually, Tylor panics, and desperately goes after Thalia.]
Wait! Uh, Thalia, wait, wait. Hello?! THALIA?! [drives after Thalia] THALIA!!!
Monsters at Work · 69 quotes
