[Walking in recreation centre hallway with pregnant Marnie fiddling with a cigarette ] I really wouldn't do that if I were you. That's how babies get turned into dwarfs.
And this baby of yours, who's the dad?
I'll know when it comes out. Depends if it's white or black or Chinese or...French.
Those brown babies are very cute. And I like a Chinese baby as much as the next man.
Me too. Whoever the dad is, he's not around.
So you're all alone in the world, apart from the living organism growing inside you?
We should probably go for a drink. Swap some funny stories. See if we have similar tastes and interests.
Overcome some emotional hurdles.
And have a few huge rows.
"What did you do, you stupid prick?!"
"I'm sorry, baby, I didn't know we were exclusive and she had massive tits! It'll never happen again!"
We'll make up and before you know what's happened, I've trapped you in a serious relationship.
That would be the conventional way to do it.
There's just one problem; I can't drink.
So... I guess we should skip all that other stuff and get straight down to the shagging. [They vigorously make love ]
Well maybe I'm a multimillionaire who just chooses to live in a community centre.
W Woman
How are you doing that?
I'm Jesus Christ... and I have been reborn.
[To Nathan upon meeting Marnie ] Who's she? [Sitting in recreation centre atrium ] He took her power.
So, how much did she get for it?
Nothing. She wanted to get rid of it. She can touch people. I can touch her. We had sex.
Ah! So you finally get to sample the goods, and they're... not as advertised? Is she one of those girls with really long pubes, down to her knees?
Has she got an extroverted vagina? 'Cause they can fix that in an operation, man!
Oh! So, you're after some sex tips from a far more experienced lover! Two words. Fisherman's Friend.
Isn't that a cough sweet?
You pop one of those bad boys in your mouth and then you head due south and you pleasure her, orally... and it's the menthol. [Mimics cunnilingus ] She's gonna feel like her pussy's on fire.
Ah. I always keep some on me, just in case I'm required to perform. [Slaps it in Simon's hand ] Go on. That's for you. I think that young lady is going to have a very merry Christmas! I'll tell you something else, man, if the girl's pregnant, it makes the baby kick like a nutter! [Pats Simon on back ] See you, man. [Walks away ]
[Nathan walks into office ] Hi. So, what have you got?
So, that's off the A list. How much d'you want for it?
I will not settle for a penny less... than £1 million.
[Nathan plops a bundle of cash on her ] What's this?
That's two grand, for you and the baby. Yeah, it should've been more, but I got really beaten down on the price.
How did you get it? Did you suck off some fat German tourist?
No! No, I sold my immortality.
It's a long and totally ridiculous story. [Pulls her shirt and kisses her shoulder ]
[Preaching to housing estate residents ] I am here to help you change your life today, right now, this moment! I know what it's like living on this estate! I know what it's like to feel disappointment, to feel pain to feel angry...
[Bumps a woman's shoulder ] What's all this?
W1 Woman 1
Our Lord, Jesus Christ, has risen again!
Right. Good for him. [Walks away ]
It's nice he's come back in time for Christmas.
...and I promise you, I will change your lives forever, this day, this moment!
M Mugger
[Pokes gun into woman's torso demanding her donation bucket ] Give us the money. Do it!
I know what it's like to... [notices mugger ] did no one ever tell you that stealing is a sin?
M Mugger
Yeah? Well, I need to score, [points gun at Elliot ] so you're getting robbed.
I don't think so. [Uses power to levitate gun out of man's hand and crowd applauds ]
W2 Woman 2
It's another miracle!
[Points at mugger ] You need to do some serious repenting. If you wish to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, you must give generously, so that we can spread the word of our Lord. Spread. [Crowd puts money in donation bucket ]
[Feeling Alisha's hand ] It's so weird that I can do this.
It's so nice not to have to think about it any more.
Maybe we'd all be better off without them.
I'm saying this random teleporting all over the place, it's a pain in the arse. I mean, what has any of us actually achieved with our powers?
Apart from saving all our lives?
We wouldn't need saving if it wasn't for the powers. We don't need to be caught up in all this bullshit.
D'you think it's all right to just flog our powers like that?
I don't know if you've noticed, but we're not exactly living the dream.
You always hated hearing what people thought about you.
That's because most people are two-faced dickheads. I think we should go and see this guy.See how much he offers us. Look, it's worth having a conversation.
You shouldn't be doing this. We were given them for a reason!
I'll give you twenty thousand reasons for getting rid of 'em!
It's like in Superman II when Superman gives up his powers so that he can be with Lois Lane.
General Zod took over the world!
That's totally relevant, except there ain't no General Zod, and that's twenty thousand pounds. Later.
I met this little fella at a party on the estate.
What. And you went with him?
Well let's just say I didn't not go with him. Hey, I was very drunk, and he had his cock and balls taped into his arse crack. So from where I was kneeling it looked like a bald little pussy.
L Luke
Jesus. I... I shot someone
L Luke
She was just a girl. I killed her!
Are you sorry? ... Then God forgives you.
L Luke
Seriously? Just like that?
Just like that. Everything bad you've ever done. All the stealing, drugs and masturbating. Don't worry about it. You're forgiven.
That's not going to be possible.
What're you talking about?
What d'yah mean, you don't have it?
I sold it to an old Jewish guy. He said he wanted to rewind time and kill Hitler. You've got to admire his ambition.
You either get him his power back, or I'm going to start kicking you in the balls.
Yeah, I've seen her do it. You won't enjoy it one little bit.
He couldn't fuck his way out of a paper bag mate.
Look at him. He's got the body of a small malnourished prepubescent child.
You can't go around pretending to be Jesus. What's God going to say?
You haven't even got a beard!
Hey! I gave my life to Him. I went without money and sex. What a joke! I preached and prayed, and no-one gave a shit. You do a few miracles, everyone thinks you're the messiah. Have you seen that lot out there? I've given their lives... meaning.
I'm sorry. Would you mind getting her to stop? That's very distracting.
One of your followers killed my girlfriend.
You're exploiting the vulnerable.
You're taking money of people.
Intentionally assaulting girls.
Hey, that's the Catholic Church for you.
Hey, he's got a point. When I was growing up in Ireland, if the priests weren't fiddling with you, you were one of the ugly kids.
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