Greg quotes from Misfits

Greg

[Uses a fire extinguisher to bust open Abbey's locker and finds a pouch, dipping finger in to discover a powdery stubstance] Oh, hello.

Jess

[Appears with community servers] That's Abbey's locker.

Greg

Does this explain why that dewy-eyed my-little-fuckwit isn't turning up for her community service? She likes to rave, does she? She off her face in a field somewhere, dancing with the little bunny rabbits? [Hyperactively dances] Aceeed! A-a-a-aceeed! Aceeed! A-a...

Finn

[Raises index finger] It's sherbet.

Greg

[Walks up to community servers and sprays around powder, with Rudy coughing] Think of her as your child. This precious little life, those eyes... staring up at you. So full of love. Her mouth... puckered around your teat. I'm holding each and every one of you personally responsible for her. So when was the last time anyone actually saw Abbey?

Finn

[Greg walks up in hallway] Oh!

Greg

Are you and the big guy... are you still involved? Romantically?

Finn

No. We never were. Never were.

Greg

You shouldn't give yourself up so easily.

Finn

Okay! Er...

Greg

[Breaks off a Kit Kat bar stick and offers it to Finn] What do you say?

Finn

Thank you. [Takes stick and eats it]

Greg

[Appears in locker room] Hi.

Finn

Have you been drinking? Is that allowed?

Greg

It's the magic hour. I am no longer your probation worker. You are no longer on community service. [Walks to Finn with him walking backwards] We're just two people. With hopes. And dreams. [Starts singing The Power of Love (Frankie Goes to Hollywood song)]

Finn

[Greg following him in hallway] You've got it all wrong. I look gay. But I'm not.

Greg

Some would say dangerously boyish.

Finn

We are not lovers! There is no entwined, divine, divine!

Greg

[Follows Finn up stairs] Love is losing your job and your pension. Think. Think about that. [Pops open a shirt button]

Finn

What?

Greg

[Backs Finn against a wall] I am so full of love. I won't hide it any more. I can't. It's seeping out of me. [Leans into Finn] Out of my pores. It's... it's beautiful. It's pure. Smell my love.

Finn

Fuck off! [Uses power to send Greg flying over railing of upper floor in atrium, looks over] Are you okay? [Calls phone] Jess? It's me. I'm at the Community Centre. And there's a situation. So we're gonna need your car to move the situation. Call me.

[Walks in with Alex outstretched hand to Greg's body] What the...?! Finlay, what the fuck?! What've you done?! [Outstretches hands in dismay]

Finn

Nothing.

Alex

Did you kill the probation worker?!

Finn

No. And yes. It was self-defence. I told you he fancied me, but did yous listen? No! [Points] This is all on you!

What?!

Alex

No, it isn't!

Finn

Some of it's on you!

Alex

Not really.

Finn

A little bit!

Alex

No.

Greg

[About old Rudy Two] Who the fuck might this be?! [To Rudy One] What's the matter? Cat got your tongue. [Screeches like a cat] Aren't you going to introduce us?

Shit, I don't know who he is. He's nothing to do with me.

Jess

He's my granddad.

Greg

[To Rudy One] Men like this fought in wars. Cheek by jowl. Belly-down, crawling through the mud, the blood and fear and for what? Boys with hair straighteners. Girls in jeggings with their flabby arses hanging out! [To old Rudy Two] It was my very real privilege to have met you, sir. [Salutes him and leaves]

Greg

Do you know... What today is?

Tuesday?

Greg

Today... is the last day of your community service. It's all over.

Jess

Seriously?

Finn

Are you kidding?

Greg

Now you had a chance to do something positive. To give something back, to help people, to really make a difference to their lives. You've failed. Dismally. Do you want to know what the real tragedy is? This moment, right here, right now... this is as good as it gets for you.