[peering out the window] Just give me a sign. Show me the path of enlightenment, dear, sweet demilord icon.
TokiI don't wants to sounds harsh, but this is gettin' weird. He's been through every religion and he ain't decide on nothing. This kind of thing could really fucks up a band. We mays needs to kicks his ass out.
What do you mean? Why do you say that?
Toki
Because he's creepy. He's acting likes he's fucking demon-possessed. Look at him!
Yah I agree, it always happens. One band member, y'know, becomes religion, and the whole band has to change to accommodate the guy, y'know... the dynamic is all the boom, magic is gone... it sucks, y'know but, uh, yeah I say we kill him.
Aw come on, you dicks, he's the bass player. Without him, we're nothing. Sure, we mix his bass out of pretty much every song, but we need him. [pause] Okay, we really don't need him, but it's my fault he's this way; I guess that's my point!
SPSatanic Priest
Pray now the prayer of revenge. On whom do you seek revenge?
Toki
I seek revenge on Rachel Ray of the Food Network! Can't you make her... eyes fall out, something? Tits fall off?
SPSatanic Priest
Satan! Grant this man the gift of revenge against his foes at the Food Network.
Toki
Seriously?
Toki
S-seriously?!
Toki
Really?
Toki
[whispers in awe] That's cool.
FPFootball Player
Little Juliette Sarmansadandle - she does not have much time left. With our foundation, she gets one last wish, and what is that sweetie?
JSJuliette Sarmansadandle
I want to meet Toki.
Toki, the "Wish For Something" foundation, ah, wants you to be its poster boy - quite an honour... sick and helpless children -
Toki Wartooth
I pass!
Toki
I'm not associating myself with kids.
These ones are dying, Toki -
Toki
Ohh, good.
Awwwh, c'mon, Toki, you don't mean that -
Toki
Yes I dos! Dead!
All you would have to do is spend a few hours, just talking to children, just -
Toki
Well how comes I can'ts sits around and drinks like Pickle? How come I can'ts fucking sits around and screws sluts or somesing? But no, you are the cutesy guy, that kids like. You gotta helps people, gets over their problem, fuck that! You dos it!
Toki
Yeaaaaaaahhhhhhh, see you in your nightmares, dickweeds, ahhhhhh!
Toki is losing his mind, he is.
[drunkenly and incoherently] Yeah, mmyeah, acting weird.
I know. I've never seen him like this, he's turnin' into a real asshole.
[has lost his voice] Can we kick him out of the band?
Woah, woah, woah, woah, ooh... okay, alright, relax... here's what you do... he sleeps, sack, bar of soap, bang bang bang! Brain damage, corn field, gun, pow [makes sound of gun], funeral...
Oh I, thats mays bes a littles toos hards fors mes tos handle.
[quietly] Well, fire him then!
Ahhh, maybe you're right. Looks like I'll have to cancel Planet Piss, DAMN IT!
Well, because, too emotional and - I'll probably have to cancel it, awh darn!
If you really want to fire Toki, I can begin processing the paperwork, but before we do that, I ah, I might have plan.
Toki, what were you thinkin?! Hanging out with clowns?!
Why didn't you call us?! You've got a cellphone! Why didn't you use it? Where were -
You're going out all night with guns, and ya know, guns... y'know, they're cool so... What am I saying here?
Back off jack-off, it wasn't his fault.
I gives that clowns a little of bit of a smack.
Toki Wartooth
Hey, that's my friend!
Your friend ha. Drunks driving before a tour! Shooting ze guns, huh?
Yeah, he's not a real friend.
What kinds of a friends takes on such a godless endeavor? What if you hurt your pinky finger huh? No more tour.
Yeah. What if you hurt your hands?
Yeah, you're being a selfish prick.
...I woke up with a clown's hand in my pants. That's... that's what I did today.
Yeah, what the fuck, Toki? There's no such things as clowns.
Toki
Aww come on, how come I can't have a friend who's a clown? He makes me laugh, ha ha ha!
I should be asleep right now. This is a waste of time.
Toki
It's metal to like clowns.
EEEverybody Else
No, it's non-metal.
Don't try to tell us it's metal because it's not. We know that trick.
Toki
Clowns are, statistically, the most hated of all creatures.
Statisticallies or not, but, uh, just don'ts likes this guy.
Okay, it's late. Let's just all calm down and discuss this in the morning. May we offer you a ride home?
Toki
Okay, calls you later.
[talking to Klokateer] Give him whatever he wants. [whispers] Put the boots to him, medium style.
You actuallies been playing ze, almost the bass that can be listens to lately, Murderface, y'know, maybes we even turns it up on the next album.
I think it's this freeballing. Pickles, I can not thank you enough. If only the whole world freeballed - no wonder those Arabs're wearing their dresses.
Toki
Oh, that's Dr. Rockso. Yeah, I invites him over. No big deal.
Oh, no, Toki! You don'ts have to always compensates, alright, we pays more attentions to you.
Toki
Screw that psychological mambo-jambo, I just likes to laugh, ha ha!
Hey don't run, it's wet! I thought we agreed, no clowns!
Toki
No, we didn't agreed on nothing, we just all yelled and then he was beaten, thats was our conclusions.
Aw, damn, I don't want that asshole around here.
Oh boy, gets readies for a lots of screamings.
Normally, that painted dildo would piss me off, but lately, I've made friends with a distinguished old gentleman sitting on two duffle bags. I'm free, downstairs. Think about it.
K-K-K-K-K-K-YEAH! IT'S ME DR. ROCKSO, THE ROCK AND ROLL CLOWN!
Toki
Ha ha ha! [laughs] I just cracks up every time!
Well wipe your feet before you come in here?
Hey business man, what you do for a living, sell shoes? K-K-YEAH...
May I have a short word with you?
Oh yeah, you are short. Ohhhhhh yeah.
Toki
Ha ha, he is short.
Who wants to watch a rock-sclusive Dr. Rockso music video?
Toki
Oh me, this gots to be hilarious.
I'd rather die then watch your fucking video, how 'bout that?
Oh I caught that! But that's okay, Dr. Rockso forgives ya. Now, I'm gonna show you boys that you're not the only ones that know how to rock. This one was banned from Music Television because you can see my junk... through my jumpsuit.
I believe that is what is known as... freeballing.
It's called "I'm Just A Rock And Roll Clown."
Find something interesting in there, did you?
Easy Rockso, easy. Don't you think you might have had a little too much cocaine?
[voice wavering] Back off, man. Leave me alone.
[hearing a shot being fired] Hey, that's my driving gun! [stands up]
Hey, you're not supposed to wear clothes in the hot tub.
[dashes by] K-K-K-K-K-YEAH!
Toki
I told you he was funny.
So, you've been cordially invited to host at the United States Pornography Awards...
[The bands, except Nathan, cheers.]
Not the uh, most distinguished event, I advise we pass. Moving on, we have a -
Yeah, what are you, a eunuch? Sign us up!
They're not paying you, and you'd lose money.
Toki Wartooth
So, fuck that, I pay them for this! I just wants to make out withs thems beautiful goils...
Well, uh... financially speaking, you -
Hey, listen, eh, "Mr. Numbers", uh, sometimes you gotta just do something because your heart tells ya it's the right thing to do...
Gots to listen to your hearts...
Toki
Now signs us up! Naked ladies, oh wowie!
[The band, sans Nathan, at practice.]
I'ms gettings worrieds. United States Pornography Awards in two days and Nathan hasn't been to rehearsal.
That's ladies for you, they rob you of your very essence! They're SOUL MURDERERS!
They're not goods enough for hims! I hates her! Yets... I would totally do's her.
Toki
Yeah, me too. So strange, is this mind of men...
[philosophically] Yeah, my little friend... we are... so evolved, yet out animalistic inskinks always remind us of who we really are.
Toki
[conclusively] Mens are the beasts... and womens... the demons of the nights...
[Nathan enters.]
Hey! You feeling all right?
[clearly excited] Aw, did she break up with you?
No. But I have some bad news... I can't go to the United States Pornography Awards... I'm not allowed.
Dude, but if you can't go, then we can't play and...[babbles] We can't go! We can't go!!!
Toki
I wanted to kiss the girls!
You don't understand, she won't let me!
Your relationship is messing with our lives! Our lives!
[At the United States Pornography Awards.]
And the awards for the best use of a dildo...
Dildo-dildo-a-rooney-roo!
Toki
"Kissing Lips, the kissing dildo"...
And the award goes to "Dildo Team Task Force Z".
Oh what the fuck, what a piece of shit.
Was I more fat, or was I more stupid-looking? My god I'm hideous.
It didn't even make sense! [to Ofdensen] You, do whatever it takes, that piece of crap ain't comin' out!
Toki
Aw, nots even ons D Vee D?
JGJames Grishnack
Hello boys, hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Mr. Grishnack, that movie cannot come out. It's crap!
GGrishnack
Now don't be drastic, this happens all the time. We just happened to make another, what you call in this business, a real piece o' shit!
So you're not going to release it...
GGrishnack
Normally, a movie like this, I'd just, I'd just eat it and it would die, but since it's you, oh yeah, we're gonna put this out, and it's gonna make the money back. I don't care if it's gonna ruin your careers, I'm making my money back. It's Dethklok in a movie.
That's our reputation you're messing with, Grishnack!
GGrishnack
Alright, dildoes, listen up! I've been fucking over fathead celebrities since you were all shitting in diapers! Now, this movie, it's a 500 million dollar shit sandwich, and you're all gonna take a bite and you're gonna smile cause you love how it tastes! Got it? Now you go out there, your-your adoring public... I wrote all the reviews! Nobody knows what a good movie is anymore! Just shut up and smile! Remember: shit sandwich, tastes great! Now go!
Metalocalypse · 448 quotes
