Okay. We gotta figure out this food bullshit. Toki, Skwisgaar, you guys did some online food research, lets hear it!
Okay. Everyone says ons dis page, dats we gots to cuts out thems carbobydrates.
Yeah, no mores of thems carbokikrates.
Oh you know, uh pisgetti...uh...
Uh, paper towels...you know...
Oh, well that's easy! No more of that stuff, that's cool. You know?
MurderfaceWell, can't we have at least like a little bread?
I mean we don't have to be like hunger nazi's to our stomachs.
Murderface
I know that's reasonable, like a sandwich here or there.
All rights, you know...uh whatever...uh yeah okay...it also says, dats we... the less foods we eats....the mores less fats we gets on ourselves.
Murderface
So...we starve ourselves a little.
Murderface
Hey. What if we just ate like one really big meal. And then just eat nothing the rest of the day?
Yeah, that sounds like it'll works.
Yeah that's good I guess.
Murderface
Maybe we should eat that meal right before we go to sleep. So there's just nothing left to do but digest.
That sounds like a good idea. So you could just sleep it off.
...losing weight by sleeping.
Murderface
Hey how about Popsicles? That's like for snack? So we're not having our really big meal- just Popsicles.
Dude, ain't that the shape of a you-know-what?
Murderface
Ohh...
[muttering] Yeah...like Popsicles are just like water...
Guys, I don'ts thinks that sounds rights, does Popsicle-
SKWISGAAR! SKWISGAAR! Popsicles are like drinking a glass of water, okay?! What are we supposed to do, cut out water too?!
Yeah, what are we supposed to do on a hot day? What? Not eat popsicles?
Murderface
How could you not eat a Popsicle?!
All right, all right. Popskockles we cans have.
All right let me get this straight. One really big meal a day, then we go to sleep, no paper towels but a little bit of bread because we're not nazis, and as many popsicles as we want.
Dudes...[chuckling] We're on a diet.
GOD I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY HUNGRY!
Murderface
LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT!
I'LL GET A PEPPERONI PIZZA!
Murderface
EXTRA CHEESE!
Yeah, uh...you know, you also said that you're the Dethklok song writer.
Murderface
(clearly pleased with himself) Did I? I, eh, I don't remember.
Yeah...you did. And you've never written anything, ever.
Murderface
What about Planet Piss?
First of all, that's not Dethklok.
You never even completed one song, neither.
Murderface
That's not to say I'm not capable of writing a song!
(getting angry) In this case, it is to say you're not capable!
Murderface
I could have written any Dethklok song, I coulda written any of 'em!
But you didn't write any-- but you didn't, though!
Murderface
But I could have!
Murderface
BUT I COULD HAVE!
Well, I could've invented the, uh, the floor, you know, but I didn't!
Murderface
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't get credit for inventing the floor!
(babbling) That should mean that I don't get credit for it!
Murderface
Wait a minute, what about the bass-lines, I wrote all the bass-lines! (nudges Pickles, who looks annoyed)
You didn'ts write no bass-lines, I figures them out for you and shows them to you!
Murderface
Oh, yeah, that is--
You know, I'd like to hear you try to write one song!
Murderface
You-- you'd like to hear me try to write one song?!
Yeah, it, it has to be a complete song!
Murderface
You'd like to hear me write one complete song?!
Murderface
You, get outta--
Murderface
OH YES I WILL, BECAUSE I HAVE THIS, SMARTASS, HAHA! (holds up a book called 'Song Writing')
All right, let's hear it, let's go, Simon and Garfunkel!
Ya, let's go, Loggins and Messina!
Yeah, let's go, George and Ira Gershwin!
Ya, let's go, Rogers and Hammerstein!
Murderface
Why the hell am I two people?!
Come on, let's go Crosby, Stills and Nash!
And Walter Becker and Donald Fagen!
Murderface
All right, all right! Just shut up, I need to concentrate. [looks down at his book] Open strong...
That's a great book you got there.
Murderface
Just shut up and let me think!
Less thinkings, more playings! Comes on, grandspa guitar, let's do this!
Murderface
Well, normally I’d dread an event like this, but seeing how knotted up it’s gotten you, Pickles, I’m sure I will enjoy it.
Yeah, it’s fun to watch somebody go through family hell.
Weddings are only good for two things; tax breaks and adultery. Hmph, that’s what I say.
Oh, and kissings and huggings! And opens bar!
Ya, but Toki, takes it easy. Last times I was in charge of yous all night, and yous was a sloppies mess!
Hey, you don'ts gots to worries about olds Toki.
Oh, those are Seth's pals, y'know, a couple of high school dropouts who scam on teenage chicks and steal and run crystal meth houses, y'know, beat up kids, rob, lie, possibly kill.
Murderface
Awesome!
MMitch
Let's go, rich bitch!
BBobby
Hey, fuckin' throw down some cash, we're getting Seth a fuckin' lap dance.
He's trying to escape, get him!
Nooo! Nooo, noo, let me go!
[grabs him] What, you were gonna run away and leave us here?!
I didn't know! I didn't know! I didn't know it was gonna be like this! I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't know—[Murderface punches him several times.] Stop hitting me!
Murderface
Can't help it! [punches him again]
Did you hear that speech, everybody's on his side, they — let's leave...let's leave now, let's go! Let's go!
Don't be stupid, Pickles.
Did you hear him, talkin' about Dethklok business endeavors—
I know, Pickles, I know, look; we can't leave. Not yet. [pause] It's just too funny.
Murderface
It's too hilarious!
Hey, Pickles! I need your uh, y'know, credit card for a second.
He's getting away again, get him!
[desperately] No! No! No—
This is great. This is some good drama.
Murderface
You can't pay for this.
You can't. It...it simply is.
Murderface
It's like an eclipse or something, it's just, you gotta be there.
Guys, we gotta leaves, the cops is here!
The pig sirens is goin' off, scramble!
Murderface
I've never seen so much blood at a wedding. Awesome.
Yeah, you really beat up your brother.
But you just said you hated him, why would...eh.
Yeah, I mean, I hate him, but...
Ya but it's not unsposed to make sense. For you see, wes are aimless, hate-filled animals, scamperings away into the nights.
That's rights. For you see, that's what families is. Peoples whats you hates.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Murderface
Why don't we just start our own P.R.?
Yeahs, all its is telling somebody something. And thats what I does right now.
Yeah. And we should do it with the 3 of us right?
Murderface
Yeah let's do it.
Hey, how comes you don't asks me? The 3, it's the 4 of us.
You were all the way over there, you- you we weren't even- we couldn't even see you.
I just heard everythings and i want to be parts of it too.
Tokis, yous toos lates. That's what you gets for trying to play video game.
WHAT'S TOO LATE!?! I STANDS RIGHT HERE! You just excludes me on purpose, you know it!
That's bad P.R. right there.
Murderface
Now, publicity is all about being seen.
Yeah, okay, okay, that's a good point, because what I was gonna say is publicity is all about being seen.
Murderface
That's what I just--I thought I was running this meeting, you're just repeating!
Oh, I'm sorry, you're right, please.
Murderface
We need to get our faces out to where everybody can see us--
Murderface
Exactly! But everybody goes on TV--
Yeah, everybody goes on TV, everyone does, you're right.
Murderface
Yes, just my point, everybody goes on TV--
Everybody's already on there, why would you wanna do that?
Murderface
Yes--
Murderface
Grr... yes. We need to go where--
Toki, get outta here, you're not in the PR club.
It's stupidest PR club, it doesn't work!
Murderface
THANK YOU JUST I'M RUNNING THIS MEETING! WE NEED TO... just somewhere that's not on TV. FUCK! (throws laptop)
Murderface
Did you know there's an Amazonian catfish that can swim up your pee and lay eggs in your ding-dong?!
OK, that's it, I'm done eating, alright, just... augh... that's gross!
Murderface
You can mock me but watch out when you pee!
Just back off, alright? This is a horrible combination of beef jerky breath and repulsive information, OK? I'm not interested.
Murderface
Fine, but you've been warned. You've been warned, Pickles!
Murderface
[Sunbathing naked] Feel that jungle air, wind just whistlin' through...
Hey, I makes some sandwiches...[Spits out sandwich and drops plate] Oh, Murderface!
Oh, man...MURDERFACE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
Murderface
My god, you are so repressed.
It's got nothin' to do with repressed!
How abouts this, I solves the problem--puts your shirts back on!
Okay, your wiener, it's disgusting how it's all gnarled, it's like you stuck it in a hornet's nest!
Murderface
Well I happen to play bass with it, there's callus buildup.
I don't need to look at it!
Murderface
It's like Amazon boat-rash or something. Can I please just take a leak before I pull my shorts up?
Fine, go ahead, but just promise to never do this again, okay?
Oh god, now I can see your ass! It's like cottage cheese!
Murderface
Just let me do this...
Quick questions, do you shaves yours ass, because you gots a lots of stubbles goings on there.
Murderface
Quick answer, fuck you!
Work out or something, that's a problem area.
Murderface
AAAAAARRRRGGH!!!
Metalocalypse · 448 quotes
