Facebones quotes from Metalocalypse

Facebones

Remember, our snipers have 50 caliber sniper rifles that can kill you from almost 3 miles away. [shows sniper taking person down from long distance] Yikes!

Facebones

Hey guys, it's me, Facebones. Now's the time you've all been waiting for. Your very own exclusive super duper exclusive fan song and one time only song videooooo [holds the last syllable for 16 seconds] ...roll it.

Skwisgaar

I have to works with you everyday. So please, would you please take it easy on the cologne?

Murderface

While that hurts my feelings, I understand.

Nathan

When you see a piece of trash on the ground, don't just stand there, PICK IT UUUUUP!

Pickles

Yeah! And don't leave your lunch lying around either! It attracts ants!

Facebones

And most important, remember - death is an everyday part of the workplace!

Facebones

So, when you see a dead body, don't freak out!

Toki

Wowee!

Facebones

Just... ring your Deth-bell!

Facebones

Hey folks, it's me. Facebones!

All right! Facebones! [another Klokateer shocks him]

Facebones

I'm here to talk about a very serious issue! Sexual harassment in the workplace! But first, what is sexual harassment? Well, sexual harassment is the act of degrading people, with your sexuality. It takes the power away from the people being harassed, and makes the harasser, more powerful than ever!

Murderface

I got fucking peppersprayed. How-how does that give me power?

Facebones

Compliments in the workplace can easily become as construtant as flirtation. Now, a short example. In this example, a Klokateer will be equipped with a shocking mechanism, that will help guide him into behaving properly at work!

Is that a new belt?

Yes, it is.

It looks very good. [gets shocked] AHHH!!!

Facebones

Saying that your belt looks good can be taken as a sexual offense. Let's try that again!

Is that a new belt?

Yes.

That is good information to have. [red light goes off with an alarm]

Facebones

Saying something like, "that is good information to have" could be kind of creepy. And they could think that he's compiling information for a parking lot attack, or a home invasion. And thaaat's harassment!

AHHHHHHHH, FUUUUCK!

Facebones

Cursing in the workplace can also make people feel awkward. Now let's try that again.

Is that a new belt?

Yes, it is.

[gets shocked right away] AHHHHHHH!

Facebones

Best to avoid all those compliments and continue working! Now let's watch that again without all those confusing compliments!

Facebones

Well done! But what if our klokateer didn't want to make any complimants, but instead, a fun joke?

NO JOKING IN THE WORKPLACE! NO JOKING IN THE WORKPLACE!

Facebones

Humor is hurtful and can ruin lives. We're almost done folks. We're rounding the corner to finish our sexual harassment fun marathon! And also practical information! Do not linger around in restrooms. Keep your office door open so the people can see that you're clearly not jacking off in there. If you get a boner during work, best excuse yourself and go home! Here's a list of t hings to remember to avoid being caught in a tricky sexual harassment lawsuit. HERE WE GO! [speaking fast] Err on the side of caution do not tell people they look good do not compare people to each other dress conservatively do not make fun of people resist the urge to be friendly this could be taken as flirting if you do happen to accidentally flirt do not make up for it by being overly friendly this could be taken as an aggressive attack.

Murderface

[annoyed] WILL THIS THING NEVER END?!?!

Charles

Now an unfortunate scheduling conflict has come because of all this, you have a show to perform, but Pickles will be in rehab.

Nathan

So we can't play with a drummer? You know that will take a lot of rhythmic elements out of the song, I mean, don't you think?

Charles

Well I think I figured something out. You can't play with Pickles, but you can play with a machine. You can play with a drum machine. [a machine is shown in the darkness, playing a Metal beat; the band members look at it in awe]

Toki

[flabbergasted] Whoa, looks at that! Ohhhh.

Nathan

Whoa, that's pretty fucking cool.

Murderface

Oh my gosh, that's bad-ass!

Charles

Well good then. In the meantime, you'll have to watch this instructional video in order to operate it.

Facebones

Hey pals, it's me! Faaaacebooooones!

Nathan

[drinking a beer] Hey look! Facebones!

Facebones

And let me introduce you to your newest robot pal and band member, X2P1158! He's the coolest high-tech drum machine known to humankind! He can play any style! Including, but not limited to Latin, soul, R&B, rock, adult contemporary, fusion, Latin fusion, and dildo fusion too! And he can outperform any drummer and is capable of performing up to 200 polyrhythms at once! It can also perform the deadly hexi-kicks! Check it out! [a sample of fast double kicks is heard] WOW! And most importantly, they can handle their alcohol! Not like SOME DRUMMERS!

Nathan

Holy shit! It's the perfect drummer!

Skwisgaar

We should totally finds one that plays rhythm guitars too.

Toki

That woulds be cools! Another robots pals!

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

Facebones

The X2P1158 is equipped with a 10,000 megaton self detonation device! And in rare cases become self aware and cause dangerous harm to humans! If that's the case contact the manufacturer! Not our problem! But that probably won't happen anywhooooo! Thanks for watching and have fun playing with the X2P1158! I'm Facebones! G-g-g-g-g-g....GOODBYE!

Nathan

Hey, Pickles isn'tgonna care that he's being replaced, is he?

Skwisgaar

Nah, he'll be fines! He am probably be settlings in real nicely and adjustings in rehabds.

Murderface

Yeah, he's probably living like a fucking king!