OOffdensen
Well..uh, I'm afraid its time to say goodbye to your doubles.
OOffdensen
I know they are, Toki.
Then we do we gotta say goodbye to 'em?
OOffdensen
BECAUSE, Pickles, they no longer look like you, that was the point. Their skin is burned, they dont even have features.
What if we burned ourselves to look like dems! Dens maybes we could keeps them!
That would work! You know it would! Come on, lets burn ourselves!
OOffdensen
That is out of the question, Murderface, you are not going to burn-
Your out of the question!
OOffdensen
I'm afraid its time for you to, uh, say goodbye to your doubles now.
NathanLet us do it, its better if they hear it from us. Because we're them, after all.
Nathan
Thanks for coming, us.
Ya know, theres never an easy ways to dos this.
Yeah, but ya know, sometimes, we're out of options, sometimes.
Ya know, business is not personal. And...in this case, its.. it is.. cause its us.. your us.. and..
Nathan
Ugh. I hate having to say this, but...
Easy, easy, I got a smoother way of, uh, explaining it here. Guys, uh..I don't know..[begins digging into his pocket acting as if he is scratching] itch or cramp 'er something...pulls up his shotgun] See the thing is- [Murderface fires his gun]
My god, how can you eat that?!
(Mouthful) What are you talking about? This is a hot dog.
How can you even put that in your mouth?
Are you trying to tell me you've never had a hot dog?
No way, I ain't putting anything shaped like that in my mouth!
Nathan
What about sausage?
What about that sausage, that was cut up into little pieces?
Uh no, cause it looks- it's like a chopped up cock.
Nathan
What about like a sandwich?
Nathan
Yeah.
Yeah, if it were a flat sandwich.
Nathan
Okay, what about a sandwich shapped like a dick?
NO, that's the point! What kind of sandwiches are shaped like dicks?!
Nathan
(Chuckling) I don't know, like -
Man, you think about penises in mouths all the time, don't you?
Oh God, give me my wipes!
Well you did, yeah. Yeah you said- you said "Penis in mouth" about a hundred times today.
No, because it was like "Oh, you've never had a hot dog". I just wanted to say "No", and it would be fine. And then "Oh, what about this and what about that" and "No it's like a dick and no it's like a dick". You guys do it all!
Nathan
Wow, you really keep thinking about dick all day long.
Yeah, you do. You keeps bringing up the subject.
YOU BRING IT UP! I just said I don't! No, I wanted it over. GOD!
I would eat the hot dogs. (Short Pause) Just putting it out there.
Nathan
Okay. We gotta figure out this food bullshit. Toki, Skwisgaar, you guys did some online food research, lets hear it!
Okay. Everyone says ons dis page, dats we gots to cuts out thems carbobydrates.
Yeah, no mores of thems carbokikrates.
Nathan
What are carkomymrates?
Oh you know, uh pisgetti...uh...
Uh, paper towels...you know...
Oh, well that's easy! No more of that stuff, that's cool. You know?
Well, can't we have at least like a little bread?
Nathan
I mean we don't have to be like hunger nazi's to our stomachs.
I know that's reasonable, like a sandwich here or there.
All rights, you know...uh whatever...uh yeah okay...it also says, dats we... the less foods we eats....the mores less fats we gets on ourselves.
So...we starve ourselves a little.
Nathan
Sure.
Hey. What if we just ate like one really big meal. And then just eat nothing the rest of the day?
Nathan
Hmmm.
Yeah, that sounds like it'll works.
Yeah that's good I guess.
Maybe we should eat that meal right before we go to sleep. So there's just nothing left to do but digest.
Nathan
That sounds like a good idea. So you could just sleep it off.
Nathan
...losing weight by sleeping.
Hey how about Popsicles? That's like for snack? So we're not having our really big meal- just Popsicles.
Dude, ain't that the shape of a you-know-what?
Nathan
[muttering] Yeah...like Popsicles are just like water...
Guys, I don'ts thinks that sounds rights, does Popsicle-
Nathan
SKWISGAAR! SKWISGAAR! Popsicles are like drinking a glass of water, okay?! What are we supposed to do, cut out water too?!
Yeah, what are we supposed to do on a hot day? What? Not eat popsicles?
How could you not eat a Popsicle?!
All right, all right. Popskockles we cans have.
Nathan
All right let me get this straight. One really big meal a day, then we go to sleep, no paper towels but a little bit of bread because we're not nazis, and as many popsicles as we want.
Dudes...[chuckling] We're on a diet.
Nathan
GOD I'M STARTING TO GET REALLY HUNGRY!
LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT!
Nathan
I'LL GET A PEPPERONI PIZZA!
Nathan
Rockso. Fuckin' clown. Boy, I really hate that guy.
Yeah, I should fucking horse-whip hims.
Yeah, he is a menace. A home-grown menace.
Oh, he just misunderstoods.
Nathan
Yeah, uh...you know, you also said that you're the Dethklok song writer.
(clearly pleased with himself) Did I? I, eh, I don't remember.
Nathan
Yeah...you did. And you've never written anything, ever.
Nathan
First of all, that's not Dethklok.
You never even completed one song, neither.
That's not to say I'm not capable of writing a song!
Nathan
(getting angry) In this case, it is to say you're not capable!
I could have written any Dethklok song, I coulda written any of 'em!
Nathan
But you didn't write any-- but you didn't, though!
Nathan
But you didn't!
Nathan
Well, I could've invented the, uh, the floor, you know, but I didn't!
But that doesn't mean you shouldn't get credit for inventing the floor!
Nathan
(babbling) That should mean that I don't get credit for it!
Wait a minute, what about the bass-lines, I wrote all the bass-lines! (nudges Pickles, who looks annoyed)
You didn'ts write no bass-lines, I figures them out for you and shows them to you!
Nathan
You know, I'd like to hear you try to write one song!
You-- you'd like to hear me try to write one song?!
Nathan
Yeah, it, it has to be a complete song!
You'd like to hear me write one complete song?!
Nathan
Yeah!
OH YES I WILL, BECAUSE I HAVE THIS, SMARTASS, HAHA! (holds up a book called 'Song Writing')
(Dr. Rockso gives him a large version of his own head made of balloons) Oh, wowie, looks just like me! Nathan, look!
Nathan
(unenthusiastically) Yeah, that's great.
Nathan
Uh, yeah...go. To jail, now.
Nathan
All right, let's hear it, let's go, Simon and Garfunkel!
Ya, let's go, Loggins and Messina!
Nathan
Yeah, let's go, George and Ira Gershwin!
Ya, let's go, Rogers and Hammerstein!
Why the hell am I two people?!
Nathan
Come on, let's go Crosby, Stills and Nash!
Nathan
And Walter Becker and Donald Fagen!
All right, all right! Just shut up, I need to concentrate. [looks down at his book] Open strong...
Nathan
That's a great book you got there.
Just shut up and let me think!
Less thinkings, more playings! Comes on, grandspa guitar, let's do this!
Well, normally I’d dread an event like this, but seeing how knotted up it’s gotten you, Pickles, I’m sure I will enjoy it.
Nathan
Yeah, it’s fun to watch somebody go through family hell.
Weddings are only good for two things; tax breaks and adultery. Hmph, that’s what I say.
Oh, and kissings and huggings! And opens bar!
Ya, but Toki, takes it easy. Last times I was in charge of yous all night, and yous was a sloppies mess!
Hey, you don'ts gots to worries about olds Toki.
SStripper
How 'bout a H-Job?
Heys, Pickle! Try nots to gets Hepastitis Cs from dats! Yeah, those girls are pretty skankys.
Nathan
Yeah, those girls are...I'd do 'em.
[nervously] Should we call it a night?
Oh no you fuckin' don't, I just fuckin' ordered shots!
Nathan
He's trying to escape, get him!
Nooo! Nooo, noo, let me go!
Nathan
[grabs him] What, you were gonna run away and leave us here?!
I didn't know! I didn't know! I didn't know it was gonna be like this! I didn't know, I didn't know, I didn't know—[Murderface punches him several times.] Stop hitting me!
Can't help it! [punches him again]
Did you hear that speech, everybody's on his side, they — let's leave...let's leave now, let's go! Let's go!
Nathan
Don't be stupid, Pickles.
Did you hear him, talkin' about Dethklok business endeavors—
Nathan
I know, Pickles, I know, look; we can't leave. Not yet. [pause] It's just too funny.
Nathan
Man, it's really good...
Hey, Pickles! I need your uh, y'know, credit card for a second.
Nathan
He's getting away again, get him!
[desperately] No! No! No—
Nathan
This is great. This is some good drama.
Nathan
You can't. It...it simply is.
It's like an eclipse or something, it's just, you gotta be there.
Guys, we gotta leaves, the cops is here!
The pig sirens is goin' off, scramble!
I've never seen so much blood at a wedding. Awesome.
Nathan
Yeah, you really beat up your brother.
Nathan
But you just said you hated him, why would...eh.
Yeah, I mean, I hate him, but...
Ya but it's not unsposed to make sense. For you see, wes are aimless, hate-filled animals, scamperings away into the nights.
That's rights. For you see, that's what families is. Peoples whats you hates.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Metalocalypse · 448 quotes
