Agent K quotes from Men in Black: The Series

[in several pieces all over his shop] Come on, guys, you can't leave me like this!

Don't worry. You'll pull yourself together. In an hour or two.

(sees Jeebs) Jeebs... (to the agent next to him) Who let him in here?!

He's not a guest?

He runs a pawnshop. He's a scavenger.

Hey! I don't speak ill of your career.

You have three seconds to get out, Jeebs.

It's a free...

You were supposed to count, K!

(puts gun away) Got no time to count.

You've really gone off the deep end, Alpha.

Alpha

Deep space. I've spent twenty years travelling the cosmos, handpicking alien anatomy, surgically enhancing myself, becoming more powerful than any one alien, or human!

I bet not one of those body parts came willingly.

Hey, I got a human attached to me! Get me some wart-remover!

Alpha

[smacks him] Shut up.

Alpha

Join me, K. Be like me.

A circus freak?

Alpha

The cosmic intergrator opened my mind! My body had to follow. If only you knew what was in here.

I used to think I did... until you left me for dead.

Alpha

Well, stuff happens. But I'm offering you immortality, K. I'll get you another heart. It won't hurt a bit.

You wouldn't go all the way to Sentillia for that heart, would you?

Alpha

Why should I? Plenty of Sentillians right here on Earth.

I had the twins do a little research. Did you know that Sentillians can breath a gas that would make a human's lungs dissolve? Bet you did. So, I got to wondering... (takes out a can of Sentillian atmosphere gas) just how inhuman are you?

Alpha

You wouldn't! It'll destroy us both!

I'm willing to live with that. The Sentillian, of course, walks. Come on, Alpha. Let's you and me take the ultimate thrill ride.

Alpha

They riding, too?

Alpha

I didn't think so.

J

You're ignoring Zed's orders? Who's the hot dog here? [Sees that the LTD is gone] Our wheels. We've been carjacked!

Sorry, kid. I can't take you on this one.

J

What? Why?

I've already left. Besides, the underwear wrench can't tighten the laughing lumbago... [melts]

Alpha. You got the Verrutians.

Alpha

That's not all I've got. A cosmic intergrator, K. Locked and loaded. I'll let you touch it...

But... MIB won't allow an intergrator to be used on Earth for another thousand years. You said so yourself.

Alpha

Forget what I said. The MIB doesn't even know it's here. Come on, K. Let's you and me take the ultimate thrill ride!

And reject everything you ever taught me? No.

Alpha

[Takes out a gun] Fine. Then perish!

(points at a blackboard) See this word? It's Tarkan for "hello". Repeat after me. "Kanfamutekatafuutermet".

J

"Kamfamutekatafuuutermet"

That's Tarkan for "hello, sailor".

In one mouth, out the other. But, betwixt, the twian shall meet.

J

Got it, Shakesphere.

J

Tell me about your family.

Zed, the twins, the worms, same family as you.

J

Come on! You have parents! You were born, weren't you? Tell me about your dad. What's he like?

Dead.

What kept you, K?

We got a situation here!

Big problem!

Yeah! Yeah! Big!

(Deactivates alarm) Being out of coffee is not a Code Blue.

You’re certain a Fmeck stole your exosuit?

Positive.

J

Fmeck?

From the planet Fmoo. About yay high, sworn enemy of the Arquillians.

J

Same size as you. Why don’t you just whack them upside the head?

We Arquillians are a peace-loving species.

Martin Luther King, John Lennon, Raffi.

J

Wait, hold up… John Lennon was an Arquillian? What’s Ringo?

The drummer.

Oversaturation. Explosion imminent.

J

What do we do about that, K?

Jump.

J

There's more to the plan, right?

Anti-gravity shoes!

J

Funny, I don't remember being issued a pair of those!

Zed must like me better than you!

Drekk? Uh... Never heard of him. You're barking up the wrong tree.

J

Funny. Thought you guys were tight.

Cell mates? Zartakla prison?

Look. All I know is what everybody knows. Guy's a certified psycho. The whole time we shared a cell together, all he could talk about was getting even with everyone who ever crossed him since the first grade.

And the judge who put me away. Know what I'm gonna do when I get my hands on him?

(reading a magazine) Surprise me.

I'm gonna boil him alive. Real slow. And the guy who cut in front of me in the mess hall. Know what I'm gonna do to him?

Give him a wedgie?

No. I'm gonna boil him alive. Real slow. (Grabs Frank by the throat, knocking the magazine out of his paws) Just like I would boil you, Frank! If you EVER CROSS ME!!

Uh... I don't know nothin' about Drekk.

Nothing?

Well, maybe one thing. He picks.

Locks?

J

Pockets?

His feet. It's disgusting! All day, all night. Talk about revenge, pick his feet. Pick his feet, talk about revenge. Drove me nuts!

J

You're so chic? You scratch yourself in public!

Hello!? I'm in a dog suit! It's part of the act! I'm a real sophisticate under this mangy skin, you know.

So, what we after?

What we after?

J

A Bug.

J

A big, bad one.

Bugs eat Worms!

When they're not eating sugar!

Maybe we'll just...

... head down to the cafés for a cup of Joe.

Not in your birthday suits, you won't.

That's what makes you you, sir.

You're U. I'm K.