Agent J quotes from Men in Black: The Series

J

Noisy Cricket! Ha!

J

Not yet, ma'am. [Shows her his ID] Hotel inspectors, Division 6.

J

Can you believe those guys? Their muffled plastic fiestas are burning the eggplant shopping mart... [melts]

J

You two Edgars are UGG – LEE! Where did you get your human suits? The 99 cent rack?

J

(on his communication device) Need a clean-up. Something big, red, and fat went down a chimney. And it wasn't Santa.

J

Mud pie. Can't wait to check out the filling.

J

Maybe you didn't notice, but I'm leapin' around like some... leapin' guy.

J

And you look even more chisiled than usual.

J

Uncle Sam wants you to put the President to bed and make sure the first kitty's litterbox is clean.

J

You know, I was thinking we could chill out a while, have a clam-bake, but no! Zed calls and there went my hula lesson.

J

Join MIB. See the world. Become Mr. Limpet. They don't mention that part.

J

Why do you always get the cool stuff?

J

Agent J is back in black!

List the distinguishing characteristics of a Rainissian Skeezaloid.

J

No sweat. Cheese-headed dude with over seventeen digestive systems.

Wrong. That's a Naborian Skeezaloid. Different moon.

J

Trick question.

You didn't do your reading, did you.

J

Maybe.

You're not in the NYPD anymore. If you're gonna tangle with a Skeezaloid, you'll have to know how to cuff him.

J

By the wrists?

Skeezaloids don't even have arms.

J

(about the Skraaldian) It... lobbed on me.

Never use a Noisy Cricket on a Skraaldian!

J

Why not?

Blows them up.

J

And that's a bad thing? Dude was gonna mess up your haircut.

No. The "dude" was only going to sting me. I would have swelled up and turned the color of rotten eggplant, but only for a week.

J

My mistake.

One you'll never make again.

J

What?! You're gonna fire me for saving your–?!

You're marked, J.

J

(about the blob on his suit) MIB dry cleaning should handle it.

You don't understand. Permanently marked. "This is the last suit you'll ever wear" marked. "You're a dead man" marked.