Men in Black: The Series quotes

List the distinguishing characteristics of a Rainissian Skeezaloid.

J

No sweat. Cheese-headed dude with over seventeen digestive systems.

Wrong. That's a Naborian Skeezaloid. Different moon.

J

Trick question.

You didn't do your reading, did you.

J

Maybe.

You're not in the NYPD anymore. If you're gonna tangle with a Skeezaloid, you'll have to know how to cuff him.

J

By the wrists?

Skeezaloids don't even have arms.

J

Noisy Cricket! Ha!

J

(about the Skraaldian) It... lobbed on me.

Never use a Noisy Cricket on a Skraaldian!

J

Why not?

Blows them up.

J

And that's a bad thing? Dude was gonna mess up your haircut.

No. The "dude" was only going to sting me. I would have swelled up and turned the color of rotten eggplant, but only for a week.

J

My mistake.

One you'll never make again.

J

What?! You're gonna fire me for saving your–?!

You're marked, J.

J

(about the blob on his suit) MIB dry cleaning should handle it.

You don't understand. Permanently marked. "This is the last suit you'll ever wear" marked. "You're a dead man" marked.

J

Even if I am marked, who knows when the Skraal-guys will strike? Could be today, could be forty years from now.

Probably today.

J

Heads up everyone!

J

J is in the house!

Why'd you have to go and do that?

J

What's it matter? They coming to off me either way.

Yeah but now they'll probably put you in... the soup.

J

Can I at least drive?

Not today.

J

But I may not see tomorrow!

Maybe later.

This experience has made me realize how delicate life is. We are all so vulnerable. One moment we're eating seafood, the next, we're eating dirt. I owe you my life, K.

J

Can we pu–leez change the subject?!

What's with him?

Blew up a Skraaldian.

Blew up a Skraaldian?! Why didn't he jump off the Empire State Building?

Ow! Watch the face.

J

Whew. Thought Zed was gonna come onto us like a ton of bricks.

Yeah. We got lucky today, Sparky.

J

"Sparky"? What happened to "Slick"?

You have to work your way back up to "Slick".

Arm tired?

Mine neither. I suppose we could just fire. Scramble our molecules, experience mind-numbing pain... black out. And if we're lucky enough to wake up at the same time, we could start this game all over again.

We're looking at a major crash landing, but no bogey in sight.

J

Maybe the UFO sprouted mechanical legs and walked away. Like in War of the Worlds. You've seen that? Martians invade Earth. Your favorite movie, right?

K...

What happened here, Jeebs?

Nothin'. Just, business as usual.

J

Then, whataya doin' on the floor?

Just... looking for something.

[holding Jeebs's hand] This? [holding Jeebs's leg] Or maybe this?

J

Size 9 Triple-E? Not mine.

[in several pieces all over his shop] Come on, guys, you can't leave me like this!

Don't worry. You'll pull yourself together. In an hour or two.

J

What did you swallow, anyway?

Nothing. Must be a hairball. Get me some water, will you?

J

There's a white porcelain bowl in the other room. All you can drink.

You drink of the toilet, mac. I'll take pictures.

J

Then I guess you're not thirsty.

Just because I look like a dog doesn't mean I am one. In fact, it takes seven dog years to equal just one of mine.

Goodbye, cruel world. Hello, guts.

What's wrong with ya?! You scared the living daylights outta me!

J

(referring to the Void Density core) That's not all I scared out of you.