Alpha quotes from Men in Black: The Series

Alpha

Your attention, please. Mr. Saben has left the building. I now return you to your regularly scheduled program. And Zed, ease off the bunt cake.

Alpha

You really outdid yourself this time, Zed. The retirement charade, sending Agent J to feed me false information... But did you really think you could outwit me? You see, Zed, I possess the intellect of four superior races... and the brute force of one stupid one. You're out of your league, old boy.

You've really gone off the deep end, Alpha.

Alpha

Deep space. I've spent twenty years travelling the cosmos, handpicking alien anatomy, surgically enhancing myself, becoming more powerful than any one alien, or human!

I bet not one of those body parts came willingly.

Hey, I got a human attached to me! Get me some wart-remover!

Alpha

[smacks him] Shut up.

Alpha

Join me, K. Be like me.

A circus freak?

Alpha

The cosmic intergrator opened my mind! My body had to follow. If only you knew what was in here.

I used to think I did... until you left me for dead.

Alpha

Well, stuff happens. But I'm offering you immortality, K. I'll get you another heart. It won't hurt a bit.

You wouldn't go all the way to Sentillia for that heart, would you?

Alpha

Why should I? Plenty of Sentillians right here on Earth.

I had the twins do a little research. Did you know that Sentillians can breath a gas that would make a human's lungs dissolve? Bet you did. So, I got to wondering... (takes out a can of Sentillian atmosphere gas) just how inhuman are you?

Alpha

You wouldn't! It'll destroy us both!

I'm willing to live with that. The Sentillian, of course, walks. Come on, Alpha. Let's you and me take the ultimate thrill ride.

Alpha

They riding, too?

Alpha

I didn't think so.

Alpha. You got the Verrutians.

Alpha

That's not all I've got. A cosmic intergrator, K. Locked and loaded. I'll let you touch it...

But... MIB won't allow an intergrator to be used on Earth for another thousand years. You said so yourself.

Alpha

Forget what I said. The MIB doesn't even know it's here. Come on, K. Let's you and me take the ultimate thrill ride!

And reject everything you ever taught me? No.

Alpha

[Takes out a gun] Fine. Then perish!

Alpha

[trying to upload memories from Zed's brain] You were somewhat devastated when your dog contracted rabies and you had to... shoot him.

Zed

That's the end of Old Yeller, you mooncap!

Alpha

... So it is. But a memory, nonetheless.

Alpha

You must have nine lives, K. Let's see if you have any left. [fires repeatedly on the ice below]

J

Good thing the guy's a lousy shot!

He's not aiming at us. Those plasma orbs will melt the ice cap.

J

And?

Flood half the planet.

Alpha

Always so negative, K. Don't you think Nebraska deserves a beachfront?

Alpha

Go on, Zed... destroy me. Do it!

Zed

No. You're a mere mortal now. You'll be punished like one.

Alpha

We had a deal, Vangus. I hope you intend to uphold your end.

Vangus

That was thirty Earth years past. Things have changed.

Alpha

One thing hasn't: your mission will fail again. It's only with my help that you Ixions will be able to defeat MIB and commence full-scale invasion. You get the oil, I get to rule the people. [showing his new metal claw] With an iron fist, of course.

J

Okay, Alpha. You've got me in check, now throw me a pawn. How come the Ixions didn't invade thirty years ago?

Alpha

Timing, dear boy. Your boss Zed nearly stumbled onto our little gambit. I convinced the Ixions to try again later.

But they got a little tired of waiting, didn't they, Alpha?

Alpha

[observing the destroyed MIB headquarters] Ah, the old clubhouse. Such a shame, so many fond memories... But as we say on Earth, one can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

Vangus

Omelette... Eggs... Good one!

Vangus

Destroying MIB did not deliver instant victory as you promised.

Alpha

Patience, Vangus. When one slips it slowly, the nectar of victory is that much sweeter.

Vangus

These air strikes are wasteful! It is time for a new strategy: destroy the planet, then its oil reserves ooze out.

Kind of puts a crimp in your plans, doesn't it, Alpha?

Vangus

Quiet!

Alpha

Agent K makes a cogent point. An annihilated Earth would leave no populace, no one for me to rule.

Vangus

Can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.