Okay. Well, maybe I have called death once, twice or a hundred times. But it's just something you say but you don't mean -- you know, like "How ya doing?" or "I love you."
S8 E7Take my Wife, Please
[Buck watches on as a man in a dinosaur costume comes home. One the head piece is removed, Al's face is revealed.]
Oh, how I hate Halloween. Ask me how much I hate Halloween. More than that. Oh, how they make us employees wear costumes like some woman is going to say "Gee I wasn't planning to buy any shoes today, but since I seen you in a dinosaur costume, I will." Oh, the ride home from work wouldn't been so bad if the kids actually got gas instead of painting the needle full. Then again, I don't mind pushing the Dodge through gang turf because I'm a mighty stegosaurus. By the way, did I mention how much I hate Halloween?!
BBuck
'(mentally) Go away.
Of course!
GRGrim Reaper
Oh, this? I have the power to appear as anyone. I can be your worst nightmare. I can be your wildest fantasy. I can be my worst nightmare. But, then again, why would I want to go around looking like Sally Struthers?
S8 E8Scared Single
Al Bundy, all class, all the time.
AAaron
Wait a second: Al Bundy, the All-State Al Bundy?
I was.
AAaron
I thought you died in Vietnam.
Well, uh, actually, I, uh, started that rumour. See, truth be told, I died here at home, victim of Agent Red.
S8 E9NO MA'AM
Now listen here, Jerry. Bowling is a man's sport. If God had wanted women to bowl, he'd have put breasts on their backs to give us something to watch till it was our turn.
It's not the dress that makes you look fat, it's the fat that makes you look fat!
Al Bundy! Take off your mask...and let the world see your snout!
OK, I admit it. There are times I do need a man in my life. Oh, boys!
[Chicago Police enter and arrest all the men.]
Is that Jerry Springer?
PPatrolman
Yes, sir.
Tie him back up, I hate that guy!
AAnnouncer
It's time for Jerry Srpinger, the mas......
[Peg and the kids are watching the screene that says the Masculine Feminist and hears punching. The curtain goes up to see Al and his buddies don black masks and No MA'AM shirts. It also shows Jerry Springer tied up and gagged with a crude ovulates sign with an arrow pointed at him]
Tonight's brodcast of the Masculine Feminist has been commandeered by the secret society called NO MA'AM. The National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood.
[the men cheered]
I would reveal my true identity, but for political reasons, I can not. But do not take me lightly, I once played football in high school.
That guy played football in high school.
Bud: That is dad, bonehead. [points to Jefferson and Bob Rooney on the screen]
And that's Mr.D'Arcy and Mr.Bob Rooney.
Oh boy. If Marcy finds out about this, she'll be down there in a second. Gee, I wonder if she's watching.
[Peg and the kids hear Marcy starts up her car and drives away]
Well I guess so.
Every day for the past 30 years you high-heeled pitbulls blamed us for everything. From not being able to go to Harvard to not being able to get into strech pants.
[the men agree]
BBob
We've been called pigs.
PPete
We've been called scum.
We've even been called Ply wood bottoms.
[the men look at him wierd]
Or at least I have.
But we're sick and tired of it. Now we have a list of demands and if these demands are not met, we're going to take this masculine feminist and we're going to perform television's first sexorcism.
[A tied up Jerry Springer is nervous and tries to back away from Al and the members of No MA'AM. The male audience cheers]
Tell them what that is Jefferson.
[removes mask] My name's Hank.
Right. Sorry Hank
That's ok Al.
[the men look at him wierd]'
Anyway if these demands go unheeded, not only we'll Jerry to watch hours of Pro Wrestling. But we'll force him to watch them in these.
[Jim reveals a stinky yellow under shrit and Pete shows a pair of boxers which reads "It's All Me."]
A Stinky yellow undershirt and a pair of boxers which reads "It's All Me."
[the men cheered as the No Ma'am members shove the clothes in Jerry's face who tries to resist them]
Say... aren't you Jerry Springer, the "Masculine Feminist"?
JSJerry Springer
Yes, I am.
Tie him back up! (a patrolman does so) I hate that guy.
Miss D, you are a working woman. What are your feelings about Roe v. Wade?
BBimbo
Gosh, I don't know that much about boxing! But I do know my job is to take the winner out to dinner!
S8 E10Dances With Weezy
Well, if you came with a remote and mute button, I might turn you too every now and then.
This is the lowest thing I've ever done. Okay, the lowest thing I've ever been paid to do. Okay, the lowest thing I've been paid to do that I didn't enjoy.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.