(calmly) Daddy, beat him up.
(instantly) Of course, pumpkin.
And that's why cable will never replace the moviegoing experience. (puts his arms around Peg, Bud, and Kelly's shoulders)
S7 E21The Movie Show
S7 E22'Til Death Do Us Part
What time is it?
12:15.
A.M. or B.M?
Bud{sarcastic tone of voice}: B.M.
You know, has it ever occurred to them it would make far better sense to call it P.M. as in postmeridian? There are times I feel I am alone in this world that doesn't make sense.
S8 E1A Tisket A Tasket, Can Peg Make A Basket
[Peg misses the $10,000 free throw.]
Aw, now, Peg. You gave it your best shot.
You mean you're not disappointed, Al?
Disappointed, Peg? It's the only way it could be. I wanted it, I needed it, I deserved it. How else could it have turned out?
So it's your fault?
From the minute I said "I do."
S8 E3Proud To Be Your Bud
WWhisper
[Al sits int he basement, head in his hands] If you build it he will come. If you want them to build it for you, Press 1.
S8 E4Luck Of The Bundys
See, till now, Peg, I always thought horoscopes were a load of hooey; but now that I hear "good luck's a comin," I realize that they're based on hard scientific data.
Having only one kid around the house is like having only one noose around your neck.
S8 E5Banking On Marcy
The last time I saw this many people in a bank, I closed my windows and went to lunch.
It doesn't work any more, Peg.
What doesn't work?
It.
How can you tell?
I've been reading Playboy, Biguns, Littluns, Inbetweenuns -- nothing. Then I remembered it hasn't worked since the afternoon I saw Marcy do that horrible thing at the bank meeting. Marcy killed it Peg. You made it sick, but Marcy killed it.
You know, Al. You can skip the long lines on payday, because the hot dog vendor outside always has change for a dollar.
Marcy, why are you here?
I want to talk with Peggy, privately.
No. Why are you here on Earth?
Peggy, guess what happened at work today.
A hold-up man gave you his mask to wear?
Turn that disgusting thing off [Changes the channel on Al's TV] Here, watch this. Steel Magnolias
What's Boris Karloff doing in a dress?
That's Shirley MacLaine, you baco-bit.
Well, I owe Boris an apology.
You owe everything an apology
(Marcy is giving a presentation at the bank and is almost close to climaxing)
OH JEFFERSON! OH STEVE! OH JAMAL!
S8 E6No Chicken, No Check
New cars for everybody! Peg, would you like a BMW?
Well, I kinda see myself in a Jaguar.
Oh, if only we could find one that hungry.
Let me tell you a little something about sharing: don't do it. It can only come to trouble. Your mother and I shared a bed; nothing good came out of it.
S8 E7Take my Wife, Please
Now Mr. Grover over here, he doesn't believe in Halloween. So I say we ring his doorbell over and over again anyhow.
Well, how come?
He's a Jehovah's Witness and I just want him to know what it feels like for a change.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.