Can I have a piece of candy?
PPsychiatrist
No.
S3Clip Show
S3Jury Duty
[In the sewers]
Oh man, we're lost!
What?! No!
[feigning panic] Oh man! What are we gonna do?! [to Malcolm, smugly] Nice! We got him crying, the pansy!
No, we really are lost!
[truly panicked] What?! What are we gonna do?!
I knew it! I knew you were gonna find some way to ruin this for me! Even when you're trying to be nice, you make me miserable! And now I get to die in the sewer! A perfect end to a crappy life!
Shut up, Dewey!
All right, let's focus on finding a way out of here. Stevie's mom must be worried about him--
Shut up... about... my mom!
What? I simply made a comment.
You're... a perv!
I can't help it if have a healthy interest in the opposite sex.
Well... they don't... return... the favor!
What does that mean?
Girls... hate you.
That's not true!
Yes, it is. Come on, Reese, you're a joke.
Yeah, even I know it.
AArtie
I may be fat, stupid, color blind, and dyslexic, but at least I don't have three nipples.
Shut your trap, that's a mole. (to Pete) And you, your family changed their name so you couldn't track them down, no one will miss you.
PPete
I'm pretty sure it starts with an O.
All three of you are useless, pea-brained idiots. And for your information, I do suffer more than everybody else (eric makes a face) this is ridiculous let's just vote on it.
Who Votes for Francis? (everyone except Francis raises their hand)
Who Votes for Eric? (everyone except Eric raises their hand) Artie? (everyone raises their hands again) Pete? (everyone raises their hand) Four votes, the hut is spoken.
PPete
No, you tricked me. no, no---- (eric and artie drag pete out the cabin door as francis watches in disgust) he'll reject me, i've tried me, i taste awful (cackling)
All right, that's the worst thing any of us has ever done. I'm not proud of it but i really don't think we had a choice.
Like i care about your opinion on anything.
Wait a minute. Why do we hear eating?
(truck engine starts) He Got To The Truck!
FEFrancis, Eric & Artie
Pete! Pete! Pete!
PPete
See ya back-stabbing sons of bitches in hell!
S3Cliques
Dewey, don't play connect the dots with your chickenpox, you'll get an infection.
I'm bored!
Those dominoes are keeping Dewey from driving me crazy. And if they get knocked over, I will blame you. If a door slams shut and knocks them over, I will blame you. If there is an earthquake, I will blame you. If a condor dies in flight and crashes through our roof and knocks them over, I will blame you.
But that's not fair.
I WILL BLAME YOU!
S3Monkey
TTV
"...to break free of the atmosphere, a rocket must attain speeds of 25,000 miles per hour."
Bull! If they went that fast they'd be squashed in the back of their seats! They wouldn't float around!
You're confusing acceleration with velocity. You feel it at first, but once you're up to speed, you don't notice. Right now we're on a planet spinning at 1,000 miles per hour. We're also travelling around the sun at almost 67,000 miles per hour. The solar system is hurtling through the galaxy which is hurtling away from other galaxies cos the universe is expanding.
[Reese nervously clutches the arm of the sofa.]
Wheeeeee!
[At the Alaskan logging camp]
LLavernia
Okay, everyone clear out, you're all fired!
What?!
LLavernia
Camp's closing; they cut down the last tree today. The mining company bought the land; you've gotta be out of here by the end of today.
We're just out like that without notice?!
LLavernia
This is the circle of life up here! First, they cut down the trees. Then the mining company strips the land. Then with any luck at all, they turn whatever's left into a nuclear waste dump. It's the only way we're gonna wean ourselves off our unhealthy dependence on foreign oil!
AMAngry Man
What the hell are you doing?! I was waiting for that spot!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.