TV show quotes
[Lilo gets the idea from Mertle to make a bed and breakfast in order to help Nani cover the bills]
You wanna do what with our smelly old rundown spaceship?
Make it a bed and breakfast.
Ridiculous!
Absolutely not!
I was thinking about calling it "Jumba and Pleakley's Bed and Breakfast".
I'm all for it!
Let's get started!
[Because of Shoe bringing bad luck, the bed and breakfast is having no customers and Nani's cars is repossessed; Jumba finds Shoe]
Staying back! Is Experiment 113. Designed for making very very bad luck!
[Shoe's horns flash, causing the kitchen faucet to go haywire and many things on the shelves to fall off]
Eh, I think. Must make check of original design. All I remembering is of the exact moment I invented 113, my laboratory, for no reason, go "KA-BOOM!"
When didn't your lab go "ka-boom"?
Yes, but 113's was specially unlucky. Ka-Boom insurance have just ran out!
He doesn't look so bad.
Eesa Okeetaka!
Careful, Stitch!
[Stitch comes up to Shoe and waves at him; Shoe waves back, and his horns flash causing the kitchen lamp to fall on Stitch; Shoe's horns flash again, and the fridge opens and collapses]
It's true! It is bad luck!
What? That could've just been an accident.
Really?! [opens the freezer] The fridge just happens to break the same day I bought the 96 count box of ice cream sandwiches!
[after overhearing Lilo's conversation with Pleakley, Shoe has his feelings hurt and leaves through the window]
Little girl, good news! I found something in original evil genius notes.
It's too late. Shoe heard me talking and ran away.
Ooh, but we must be finding him. 113's power can be reversed to be exact opposite.
[excited] Shoe's bad luck can become good luck?
Yes! Simple adjusting of cranial horseshoe from down to up equals JACKPOT!!! [laughs] Like winning lottery and collecting sweepstakes, and free soda on return visit all at once.
Jumba, you're a genius!
Please.
[sees the large storm cloud on the weather map] Ah, look at that storm. Must be that good luck experiment, huh?
Good luck? But the computer said it was bad luck!
It is, but you can switch to good luck.
Why didn't you say so before?!
[chuckles and pulls out a tape recorder] Caught it all on tape.
Quiet! I do not want to hear anything more about 113!
But...
But nothing! Go make a sandwich!
You can't talk to me like that!
Yeah? What are you gonna do about it, trog?!
[aims his plasma gun at the recorder] INSOLENT DEVICE!! SILENCE!!
I'm not listening! Na, na, na-na-na! [Gantu destroys the recorder]
Wow. Whoever said "fish is brain food" never met you. Oh, and you're buying me a new tape recorder.
[there's a huge line at the bed and breakfast]
Wow! My new ad did even better than the previous one! Alright, everybody, alphabetical order please! Quickly!
Hey, we've been waiting long enough! You're ad says you're giving away free gold!
Each guest gets their weight in free gold!
Oh, that? That's just a little ad campaign I came up with. Silly people! I'm not really giving away gold! That would be ridiculous! I mean, come on! How gullible can you be? Each guest get their weight in free gold? Like that's gonna happen! Boy, you Earth people will believe anything in print! Well, the real reward here is that you get to give me money! To stay in this lovely bed and not breakfast! I'm not gonna give you guys anything! Nada! Nill! Zilch! So, line up, Mr. Sucker and Mrs. Patsy, and make your reservation! [everyone glares at them angrily] Uh... I've got ice cream sandwiches... in the freezer.
GET HIM!!!
[the crowd angrily chases Pleakley]
[Stitch spies on Lilo's hula class from the doorway]
Good hula class, keiki. But before you go, it's time to start thinking about ideas for our annual fundraiser.
I have one! Okay, what does this island need more than anything?
Less weirdos?
Vampires! People love vampires! And they pay good money for them to come to their luaus, weddings, and office parties. So we put on fangs, and people pay us a dollar to chase them! [pause] Or how about this? Book sale! We all write a super scary vampire book, and we each sell one million copies!
Ew! Girls, what smells?! Oh, it's Lilo's ideas!
[Yuki, Teresa and Elena laugh; Lilo charges at Mertle, but Moses holds her back]
Does anyone else have an idea?
But I didn't get to the part where we all star in the movie version!
How about selling candy bars?
[all the other hula girls clamor in agreement]
Vampire candy bars?
[everyone stares at Lilo]
[after failing to even sell one candy bar, Lilo and Stitch pass by an unfamiliar character]
You don't wanna buy a candy bar from a loser, and I don't blame you.
Tsk, tsk, little lady! Never walk away from a customer! Be proud of your product!
It's just candy bars.
Just candy bars? Was the Louisiana Purchase just Louisiana? Look, I usually only do this for friends, but you, my friend, need some pointers. Your cost is one dime for every dollar you sell! Deal?
Who are you?
My card. [hands Lilo and Stitch two business cards]
"Evil Genius Experiment #020. Primary function: salesman."
[gasps] Cousin! [hugs Slick]
Yes sir, one of Jumba's best! He always hated the business end of the evil genius gig, so he designed me! Programmed to sell anything to anyone! A piece of code he obviously left out of you, pal. [chuckles] You gotta learn your four P's: Product, Pitch, Persistence, and Payment! Memorize it, exercise it!
[after selling a lot of candy bars thanks to Slick, Lilo and Stitch return home]
Slick helped me sell two whole boxes this morning!
Be careful! Once 020 starts selling, he does not start stopping. Once sold Jumba's wife for 10 Kelticredits.
That is evil!
But smart. She was only worth 5.
GANTU!!! Is this what I pay you for?! What do I pay you for? GET UP, GET UP, GET UUUPPPP!!!
I told you, I have a cold! [sneezes so hard that it blows 625 to the wall]
I do not pay you many hundreds of my valuable dollars to lay around like a lounging lounger!
[looks at the thermometer] Wow! What a fever! Hey, Hammy, we're gonna need some tarter sauce! Fish-stick here is burning up!
UNACCEPTABLE!!! If you do not find me one experiment today, I will go to wring you hour on the hour until you do! [turns off transmission]
625, see if you can find any of your trog brethren! Oh, and can you make me a chicken soup sandwich?
[Nani is stressed out after Slick sells everything in the house]
Don't be such a gloomy gus, Nani. He made us all this money! It was fascinating! It was fascinating! I even took notes of each item sold, to whom and for how much: a porcelain dish...
[gasps] Grandma's dish?!
A collection of seashells...
My seashells!
A photograph of an odd-looking girl with braces...
[angrilyish] My eighth grade picture!
[Mertle has one the fundraising competition and wins the year supply of shave ice]
You sure you want another one, Mertle?
Yes!
But you had 17 already.
[lying on a bench overweight] I won a year supply! No limit! I'm gonna eat more shave ice than anybody ever! Even if it makes me... [a shave ice lands in her mouth, making her groan] ...sick. [her face turns greens and she dashes away]
You kids know your friend is a little too competitive, right?
YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHH!!
Dr. Hamsterwheel?
It's Hamsterviel! Viel! Like the delicious meat steak, you bureaucratic prisoning person!
But here, it's spelled "Hamsterwheel".
NO, NO!!! GET IT RIGHT!!! CHANGE IT!!! CHANGE IT!!!
Very well. Dr. Hämsterviel. The parole board has looked over your fines.
And you are releasing me from this stinking prison so I may rise up against you and take over the universe?!
No! Actually, we're doubling your sentence, cutting your TV time in half, and removing the free popcorn cart from the breakroom.
WHAT?!
Oh, and hears a note: "Hope you're enjoying prison. Don't expect to get out anytime soon. Ha, ha, ha. Regards, parole board."
[After being tired of her childhood restrictions, Lilo uses Skip to transport her and Stitch 10 years into the future, where's she's a teenager]
[examining her new body] Holy cannoli! That's... not my voice! Hello! Testing! 1, 2, 3! My name is Lilo, and I'm a teenager! Ha-ha!
[looks at himself in the mirror; he hasn't changed at all] Ichunawa?
You look exactly the same. I guess genetic experiments age differently than humans. [Stitch groans] Maybe you can grow a goatee. That'd make you look older.
[enters the living room to get Nani's attention as she sweeps the floor] Nani?
[turns around and gasps; tearing up] Lilo! You're back! [runs up to her and hugs her; then growls angrily] You are in 10 years of trouble, young lady!
Let me go!
[grabbing her by the wrist with both hands] Oh, no. I've been waiting 10 years to yell at you for this! [chases her around the house after she breaks free] Yeah, you go to your room! You are super extra grounded!
You can't ground me! I'm not a kid anymore.
Yeah, but you're still my little sister and I still make the rules!
[while elevating up to her rooftop dome bedroom] This is why I skipped 10 years in the first place. You're always treating me like a child.
I'll stop treating you like a child when you stop acting like one! [enters moments later, holding a sandwich on a plate] Lilo, I brought you some lunch. [sits next to her on the bed] You must be hungry if haven't eaten in 10 years.
I'm old enough to make my own lunch now.
I guess I forgot what it's like to be in a hurry to grow up. I spent most of my time wishing I could go back to being a kid.
There's nothing good about being a kid.
You think that now but, oh you'll understand when you're older.
[Teenage Lilo and Stitch go to the movies and run into Teenage Mertle]
[laughs] That is the ugliest outfit I have ever seen!
Mertle?! It's me, Lilo!
Weirdlo?! From when we were kids?! Well, that certainly explains your ridiculous getup!
For your information, these are the latest fashions.
Yeah, from ten years ago, maybe! Try picking up a current fashion book once in a while.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Lilo & Stitch: The Series pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
