Mike Logan quotes from Law & Order

Logan

My old lady had a rosary in her left hand while she beat the crap out of me with her right. The next time I go to a church, six of my closest buddies will be carrying me.

Logan

[carrying out a baby] If he's a day old, call the Guinness Book of World Records.

Logan

[snatches a parking ticket from the windshield] Aww, what is this? They got no respect anymore, these meter maids.

Logan

We called you Father! How could you do that to us? You even did it to your own kid. How could you do that?

You solve every case you work on?

Logan

We can tell a felony from a traffic ticket.

Look, a patient walks in with a headache. She could have a subarachnoid hemorrhage, a berry aneurysm, a retro-orbital tumor...or does she just have a headache? Do you give her an aspirin? Or do you saw open her skull?

Greevey

You make this speech at funerals?

My children want to stay in this country, my wife wants to stay, and to stay, all I have to do is to be perfect all the time!

Mike Logan

Well you, uh, fell a little short of perfection on Suzanne Morton's chart.

When they look at me here, they see an Indian or a Paki, but they don't even know the difference. We're all supposed to be bad doctors. You ask anybody. I have to be twice as good as everybody else just so they will think I am as good as everybody else. My children want to stay in this country. My wife wants to stay in this country. And to stay, all I have to do is to be perfect all the time.

Logan

Well, you fell a little short of perfection on Suzanne Morton's chart.

Logan

Why are we bustin' her chops?

Max

That the way you see it?

Logan

Looks, 2 kids jump her on the subway, she defends herself, okay? We're not talking about 'Squeaky' Fromme here.

Shambala

[to Di Biasi] You haven't said anything, I trust?

Logan

Trust and lawyer, that's a pair of words that don't match.

Shambala

How about cop and I.Q. over 90.

Greevey

Do you think a lot of cops are gay?

Logan

No way, man. The department's got a special test. They look you in the eye, and if your left eye blinks before your right eye, they know you're gay. [blinks at Greevey with his left eye]

Greevey

How many times would you go out with her before you went to bed with her?

Logan

Once. Hey, what do you want, a bedtime story? I'd wait until the honeymoon?

Greevey

Did you ever hear about a new disease they got, called AIDS?

Logan

Did you ever hear of a new invention called condoms?

Logan

Are we 'your kind of people'?

Well, you make it in the looks department, but the wardrobe needs a lot of help.

Greevey

And guess who it was registered to?

Himes, Gilbert?

Logan

Nope. And not to Ralston, Janet, either.

[surprised] Ralston, Alan?!?! Great. He was killed with his own gun.

Greevey

I hate horseback riding. Scares the hell out of me.

Logan

Scary for the horse, too.

Greevey

What do you think?

Logan

Of a hooker who's got a lawyer looks like he spends more on clothes than I make in a year? I think whoever's paying his bill ought to adopt me.