Phil Cerreta quotes from Law & Order

Cerreta

Thirty years...I never even...fired...

I wish we had a gun...

Mike Logan

I wish I had a girfriend named "Lola".

My mother couldn't decide if I was Martha Graham or Helen Hayes.

Cerreta

Who were you?

I was Patty Blaine. So I got out before I wasn't.

He's psychotic; he's not psychopathic.

Phil Cerreta

What's the difference?

Psychotic is when you believe the doorman was sent from Planet X to put mind control devices in your teeth. Psychopathic is when you blow the doorman away and take out 20 other people while you're at it.

I want that reward.

Phil Cerreta

I thought Polesky was your friend.

I'm flexible.

Mike Logan

Crazy, not stupid.

Logan

Let's say it was a mugger. He got scared off before he could get to the money.

Cerreta

Or maybe he just got mad because somebody kicked his box.

Logan

Well, wouldn't you?

Cerreta

Don't you kick my box!

Cerreta

Grandmother fell down the stairs... Daddy's beating up mommy...

Logan

An accident... boiler room explosion...

Cerreta

Want to move to a small town in New Jersey? I know one with a nice police chief.

So, you wanna send it to social services? It's your call.

Cerreta

The most we can get her for is endangering the welfare of a child.

Logan

No, no. What we get her for is manslaughter.

Whoa, Mike. Slow down. We don't get her for anything you don't prove she knew the kid was seriously ill.

Logan

All right. The housekeeper. What's her name? Uh, Amado. She knew damn well the kid was sick enough to get 2 cops.

Cerreta

Oh, that'll put the parents away for sure. She was fired. She'll say anything.

Logan

Getting fired? You think that's a reason to lie about the kid? [to the captain] You believe this?

Cerreta

Hey! What I think, what you think, what he thinks don't mean diddly-squat! Because in court, she's not a credible witness!

Logan

Credible?! The kid died!

Well, well, what's this? Honeymoon over?

Logan

It's not bulletproof. I used to drive a cab- I'd some nights park outside of Susan Dennis' house, take care of business, and pay the fare myself.

Cerreta

[chuckles] So that would have been what, three or four minutes?

Logan

[grins] More like a trip to the airport.

Cerreta

Did you get any read on her?

After 15 minutes? How about some top-of-the-line inadmissible, subjective impressions?

Logan

[sarcastically] Just as long as you don't go out on a limb.

Is it just me, detective, or is it all women with triple digit IQs?

Logan

[grins] Oh, well, you're the only one I know, doc.

Logan

You know, there's a lesson in this. Never fall in love with an actress.

Cerreta

Rex Harrison said it. They never stop acting.

Cerreta

These guys sound like Boy Scouts.

Logan

Or shadow lives. Somebody paid good money to have them killed- you peer long enough, something emerges from the shadows.

Half the smack in the country blows through here. You seen a lot of arrests lately?

Cerreta

Well, maybe they’re paying you off.

Oh yeah, millions. My mortgage is a front.

So where does that get us? A lover's quarrel?

Logan

After sex? Most people, you fight, and then have sex.

Cerreta

[To Cragen] He's not married.

Cerreta

Look on the bright side. If we do this all week, you'll never have to buy Playboy again.

Logan

What're you saying, I treat all women like objects?

Cerreta

More specific. Like furniture.