Jo quotes from L.A. 7

(gasps) Mr. Walters! You’re here!

I thought you said your books are full.

Mr. Walters

No. Who told you that? Hey. It’s L.A. It’s all just an illusion. Full, empty, hot, cold success failure. It’s all just the same thing. What is it different?

(laughs) Fair play. I see what you mean. Or do what?

Mr. Walters

Hey. You’re learning.

So what did you think?

Jo

Yeah, will you sign us up?

Mr. Walters

I sure will! You guys are great! Huh?

Prom

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Well.

Well what? Where’s your mystery woman?

Oh, her! Oh, well, you know, she was great and, and it was great.

And?

And well, you know how it is. You know, we had a great evening and then, then she asked my phone number and she said she wanted to see me again and, well, you know what happens when you commit to another day then you end up like married with 18 kids in a mortgage.

She chucked you, didn’t she?

Yeah. She’s with Billy.

It was love at first sight.

Oh, I’m sorry.

That’s okay.

You know, the best way to deal the situation like that is to behave with dignity and grace.

Maturity. Good humour.

Jo

Yeah, you know what they say. Live and let live.

Look. There’s Rachel.

She’s with our date!

Jo

I’m gonna kill her. (pushing Jon and Bradley out of the way) Oi! Rachel!

Prom

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(to Jon) Do you know something? Why can’t we leave our own Chateau Style Terrace?

What are you reading, Rach?

The big vulgar House Magazine. The magazine of big vulgar houses.

Rachel’s getting restless again, guys.

No. Not restless. Just curious. Don’t you ever wonder what it’d be like to live in one of those big houses like rich and famous people do.

Maybe you mean like one of those amazing mansion in Bel-Air with like the 30m Art Deco pool and their own cinema and A Philip Star Kitchen and like six different kinds of palm trees.

Yes!

No.

Joni Alert! Joni Alert! Bandits 4:00! I repeat, Joni Alert!

Oh, no. It can’t be rent there already, can it?

It can.

When you owe as much money as we do, every day is a rent day.

And she had one of those really mean looks on her face. You know, like the one that says…

Jo

Eviction.

Eviction? Oh, no!

AAll

No!

What’s all the panic for? What could she do to us anyway?

(to Bradley) Oh, you mean apart from like sell of all our possessions, kicks out the apartment and probably gets checked out the country. Not much, Bradley.

Sell of our possessions? What, you mean like my CDs?

Yeah, and your Britney Spears go skating posters!

This is terrible, Jon! Joni Alert! Joni Alert!

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I saw from your resume that you’ve listed your harries as looking at old churches, and helping senior citizens cross busy roads.

Mmm. Well, Debi, you know, I do what I can in between the voluntary litter collecting.

Litter collecting? You do that for a fun?

Well, no. Not, not really fun. It’s more of a…

Citizenly duty.

Jo

Yeah, you can only take out of society what you put in, Debi.

Mmm.

I mean as I always say “A litter-free world is a better world.”

That’s incredible, because I’m a volunteer community litter collector too! Venture litter box, litter box, go, go, go!

So, do you guys have your own song?

We do, actually, yeah. But Paul always likes to sing that one, don’t you, Paul?

(nodding, then singing) We broom. We brush.

RJRachel and Jo

Yeah, yeah.

(singing) We don’t make a fuss.

DRDebi, Rachel and Jo

Yeah, yeah.

(singing) Dropping litter is a sin.

RJRachel and Jo

Yeah, yeah.

(singing) So, put it in the bin.

RJRachel and Jo

Yeah, yeah.

(singing) We broom, we brush!

RJRachel and Jo

Yeah, yeah.

(singing) But don’t make no fuss!

DRDebi, Rachel and Jo

Yeah, yeah.

(singing) Dropping litter is a sin!

DRDebi, Rachel and Jo

Yeah, yeah.

(singing) So, put it in the bin.

DRDebi, Rachel and Jo

Yeah, yeah.

(singing) Broom and broom and broom and brush!

RJRachel and Jo

Yeah, yeah.

(singing) Broom and broom and broom and brush.

RJRachel and Jo

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

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Wow! Look at that pool! The others are gonna be so jealous when they see this.

Jo

Rachel, that’s not very kind. Yeah, they are, aren’t they?

What do you mean others?

Jo

Um…

I hope you’re not thinking about getting your friends here. The owner has spent millions getting this place together. It’s your job to make sure it stays that way.

Debi, I couldn’t agree more, and that’s exactly what we’re gonna do. So, why don’t we go off and talk about the security operations.

Jo

She’s having a laugh, isn’t she?

Paul, I’m a little worried about those other two. Are you sure they’re not…party animals?

Debi, Debi, trust me. They are so sensible. They always look both ways when they’re crossing the bathroom.

Jo

Oh. Interesting. Italian Renaissance, I’d say.

Yes. Definitely. Shame about the nudity, though. Is that quite necessary?

Jo

Oh, I don’t know. The youth of today.

Mmm.

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Did you see the size of that bedroom?

Jo

Did you see the size of that bed? You got seven of us in there and still 11 enough room for another six and a half pounds.

JRJo and Rachel

Hi, Paul!

Look. Before we do anything else, I thought we just better sit down and draw up this list of duties.

Duties? Debi’s gone now, Paul. You can stop pretending to be sensible.

Look, I’m not pretending. We’ve got a huge responsibility here and I don’t want to mess it up.

Jo

No. You’re right.

Yeah. I mean we’re mature adults, aren’t we?

JRJo and Rachel

Oh, yeah!

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IJIntro: Jo

Ooh yeah, oh

Oh yeah

V1Verse 1: Jo

As the night draws in, let the game begin

It’s a groove thing

Let your feet decide, gonna catch a ride

Keep on moving

PCPre-Chorus: Jo

So let’s float away

The moon can’t be that hard to reach

The night will just take us there

And all you gotta do is, all you gotta do is

CAChorus: All

Bring the house down

Raise the roof and get on the floor

(House down, raise the roof, get on the floor)

Let’s bring the house down

Really wanna hear you shouting more, more, more

(Really wanna hear some more)

V2Verse 2: Jo

You can stay in bed with a sleepy head

Doing nothing

You can always try just to walk on

But it will pull you in

PCPre-Chorus: Jo

We’re flying away

We’ll fall into this fantasy

Where the groove will carry us on

And all we gotta do is, all we gotta do is

CAChorus: All

Bring the house down

Raise the roof and get on the floor

(House down, raise the roof, get on the floor)

Let’s bring the house down

Really wanna hear you shouting more, more, more

(Really wanna hear some more)

BJBridge: Jo and Jon

Everybody do your thing

Let’s bring the house down

Everybody spread your wings

Let’s bring the house down (Down, down, down)

PCPre-Chorus: Jo

So let’s float away

The moon can’t be that hard to reach

The night will just take us there

And all you gotta do is, all you gotta do is

CAChorus: All, Jo

Bring the house down

Raise the roof and get on the floor

(House down, raise the roof, get on the floor)

(Oh yeah) Let’s bring the house down

Really wanna hear you shouting more, more, more

(Really wanna hear some more)

Let’s bring the house down, yeah

Raise the roof and get on the floor

(House down, raise the roof, get on the floor) Oh yeah, baby

Let’s bring the house down, yeah

Raise the roof and get on the floor

(House down, raise the food, get on the floor) Oh yeah, baby

Let’s bring the house…

Jo

So bored! (grunts)

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This is nice!

Yeah.

Jo

Can you pass the salt please?

Okay.

Jo

Thanks.

It’s great to have a bit of space, though, isn’t it?

Yeah. Makes all the difference.

Jo

I hate it.

I really miss the others.

Jo

Let’s see if we can get them round tomorrow.

Yeah, but what if they don’t want to come?

Well, this is nice, isn’t it?

Yeah. We don’t need the others. We can have fun on our own.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hello? Oh, hi, Jo. How are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’re having a great time. How about you?

Jo

(speaking to Jon on the phone) It’s brilliant. It’s a lot of fun.

You want us and come and see you?

Well, um, I’m not sure what we’re doing tomorrow.

Jo

Well, only if you feel like it. I mean it’s no big deal.

Yes.

Jo

We’ll have a party about 8 o’clock.

Wicked. No worries. See you tomorrow.

Jo

Okay then. See ya.

Bye. Yes!

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AAll

Yay!

How are you doing, Paul?

RRick

Hi. I’m a friend of Tina’s. I uh… I brought some friends.

M1Man #1

Party!

M2Man #2

Let’s party!

I don’t know whether that was such a good idea, Teen.

Ooh, be careful of the…

RGRich Girl

Hi. I’m a friend of Bradley’s. Bradley, I brought some friends. I hope you don’t mind.

Jo

Why does everyone have to keep saying that?

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Jo

(to Rick) Can you not go near the lamp? Don’t go near the lamp! Don’t go near the lamp!

Can you keep it down please? Hannah! Can you keep it down? Can you keep it down please?

Jo

Can you try and have a little bit of respect? That was a lonely expensive one. Don’t do it anymore otherwise you will get out.

Oh, no, no, no. That ice-cream isn’t for eating now. Have you tried the pistachio? It’s really nice.

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That’s it. We’re dead.

Jo

Yeah, well noticed.

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Oh, he fancied this bike, really?

Jo

(sighs) Look at the mess. This is bad. We’re dead.

Dead as doornails.

Guys, we better tidy up.

Before five?

But what kind of music do you like at your funeral?

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Here, drink some water. Are you okay?

I think I’m gonna die. (She drinks)

(to everyone) We gave you guys our trust and this is how you repay us? Look what you’ve done to this place! I mean you could be sued, I could be sued. If we stay out of jail, it’ll be a total miracle.

Jo

Oh, come on, Joni. Don’t overdo it.

Okay. So there were couple of glasses broken, but it’s-it’s more mess than anything.

Yeah. Just think of it like a kind of big city rubbish tip.

What are you guys gonna do about this?

Maybe we should call Ventura dustbusters. Maybe not.

You are so lucky that the owner is not here. That’s all I can say.

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Oh, isn’t this nice one of us living together again?

AAll

Yeah.

Jo

Good dinner, Tina.

Pleasure.

Yeah. It’s not much, but it’s home.

Especially now we’ve managed to pay for it for once.

Paul, you can stop being sensible now.

Okay.

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You ready, Brad?

I am indeed, bro.

Okay. Let’s do it then, yeah?

Alright.

You’re moving closer so I can see your face.

(sighs annoyingly) Bradley!

Paul, no one wants to see your handwriting, alright? If we’re gonna make a doc soap, they wanna see a character. A star. A geezer, and luckily, I’m available.

Brad, just drop the card.

Okay. Excellent.

(He starts filming around closer to Hannah who is busy watching something on TV)

Yes? Can I help you?

Hannah Spearritt, famous singer and actress from the UK. What she lacks in inches, she makes up for her in talent. So, Hannah, tell us. How does it feel being complete nobody in the UK and completely unknown in the US?

Bog off, Paul.

Fair enough.

The name’s McIntosh. Bradley McIntosh. License to kill and to thrill the ladies.

Bradley, I’ll come back to you when I’m desperate.

Jo

So you say “He’s rich. He’s handsome and he’s a great kisser.” Rachel, I already don’t see what your problem is.