How’s my breath? (blowing his breath at Hannah)
Paul, I don’t know why you’re so nervous. It’s just a date.
No. It’s not just a date. It’s a date with Linda.
JoYeah, and you’re so special about Linda.
Well, she’s sophisticated. She’s intelligent and she’s a grown-up.
Jo
Ooh. So what’s she doing with you?
Don’t say that. Look, I really want this to work out. I really like her.
So is this Linda the newsreader then?
Excellent. Because I didn’t buy a newspaper this morning and I just wondered if she could run over the main headlines with me.
Don’t you dare. When she comes here, she’s off-duty.
(screeches) Okay, everyone, relax! All right.
Jo
I’ll get it.
Aw! Paul, would you stop doing that?!
Good evening. I’m Linda Lewis.
So, how was your weekend?
Boating on the lake. Great success. Dinner at an Italian restaurant overpriced. And finally a walk on the beach.
Well, I thought maybe we’d go to this Mexican restaurant.
No. A meal at the seafood restaurant. Tables are booked. Then coming up in the next hour a trip to the cinema.
Ah, that sounds like a much better idea. I don’t know what I was thinking. Come on, let’s go. Yeah.
Very good evening to you.
Jo
(to Tina) I thought she was supposed to be off-duty.
Jo
Paul, what are you doing?
Oh. Uh, Tina’s chatting to Jon in my room and she won’t shut up. So I thought you wouldn’t mind if I came and crashed here. (Getting onto the bed laying forward)
Jo
All right. How’d you get on?
Oh, it was brilliant. She’s so clever and she’s right about everything. She’s amazing.
Jo
You don’t think she’s a bit… Well, you know, a little bit weird and a bit horrible to you.
Jo
Paul.
Finally, at last! Something is actually happening!
I know! This gig could be really good for us.
So, what song should we sing, guys?
I don’t know. What do you reckon, Jo? Jo!
Jo
(waking up) Hmm? What? Who? Sorry, I’m a bit tired. Paul kept me awake all night last night snoring.
Jo
Yeah, well, he does now.
He does a lot of things he never used to do.
Jo
Look what the cat dragged in.
Must have been a very nerdy cat.
What happened to you, bro?
Did you mislay your fashion sense?
No. Linda said that I didn’t look nice in my other clothes and I look better like this.
Paul, you don’t have to do anything she tells you.
Jo
You’re allowed an opinion, you know.
I know, and I’ve got one.
Which is Linda’s right. I look much nicer like this.
Fancy changing a whole image just for the sake of a date.
Oh, crikey, Teen! We better go and change our image for our date tomorrow.
Grubs up. (giving Jo a burger) Burger for you. (giving Hannah a burger) Burger for you. (giving Tina a burger) Burger for you. (trying to give Paul a burger but he doesn’t) And burger for you.
Jo
Ugh! I knew it.
You don’t like playing cards. You don’t like fast food. You don’t like normal clothes.
Is there anything you do like doing?
Yes. I like reading the newspaper and having serious political discussions.
Jo
Fascinating. I’m off to bed.
Me too. Apparently, I like having an early night.
Okay, Jon boy. Pick a card. Not that card. Not that one. Not that one either!
This one! All right now, look at it. What is it?
All right now. Just put it back in there. Good boy. Oh, right. Is this your card?
Well of course it is, Bradley?
Jo
Bradley, that’s not even magic.
Yeah, not real magic, just like the trick.
Bradley, that’s not even a trick.
Jo
Oh, look. Here comes the evening news.
Good evening. Tonight, extra work shock means I have to stay in, looking to the week ahead you’re coming to the theater with me tomorrow evening.
Eyewitnesses say the play is an excellent one. Onlookers have clapped and cheered. Now over to you, Paul.
I can’t come tomorrow evening. We’ve got a gig.
Your band will never make it. News reading is the only option. Those are the facts. You heard it here first.
Jo
Now you hold on a minute.
You just can’t say things like that.
You must leave the band. That’s all for now. See you the same time tomorrow evening. Goodnight.
Paul, you go slide above…
Jo
Yeah, we got to sort out.
You know what? I…was…wrong.
Yes. You should stick with them.
Thanks. I mean so much to me.
ZZiggy
Hey, Tiggy. We’ve changed our minds. You are cool.
You know what? We’ve changed some minds too.
Oh, yeah. That’s right, isn’t it, Teen? Hey Ten. Flip your lid and see you around.
So, what should you do now then?
Jo
Sleep.
(hugging Jo) Jo, you just so rock and roll. Mmm?
Mmm. George Clooney’s eyes. The new George Clooney’s smile. And he had George Clooney’s body. It was love at first sight.
JRJo, Rachel and Tina
Aw.
PJPaul, Jon and Bradley
(sigh)
Jo
So why are you still with him?
Well, he didn’t quite have George Clooney’s wallet.
You don’t really believe in love at first sight, do ya?
Has it ever actually happened to you?
Jo
I had loved her face that once. That was quite nice.
My part of the third sight. Mmm. That was lovely.
Well, I’ve had love at no sight. Beat that.
Well, I met him on the internet. We exchanged romantic emails for months. He told me that he was a 45 year old millionaire with his own airplane, but then when I finally met him, he was a 14 year old squirrel with his own skateboard.
Yeah. Well, I think it’s a lot of old rubbish, anyway.
Jo
(to Jon) Well, you would.
I’ve had, I’ve had hate of first sight, a mild irritation, a second and, um, you’re not so bad after all at third. Does that count?
What’s the matter with him?
Jo
I have no idea.
He said we’d write some more songs today. Remember?
Yeah, but what is the point?
There are all these good songs. We’ve got no record contract. We’ve got no money. Our agent is rubbish.
All right. One proper gig.
Yeah. But our agent didn’t even get us there.
Yeah. Guys, I really don’t want us to be one of those bands who just do kids’ parties and old people’s retirement homes and bar mitzvahs.
We’re not going to do that.
Jo
No way.
Hey! Guess what, everyone? Our agent’s got us a gig out of a mitzvahs. What?
You see, we’ve gotta get a new agent.
I’m happy to help you with that.
Well, I had a bit of a thing with an agent one time.
Jo
Really? Was it love at first sight?
No. It was love at first smell. Or he had this great aftershave.
We were wondering if Mr. Walters would like to be our agent.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
Jo
And we work really hard.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
(clears throats) Okay, without saying the words “His books are full.”, could you possibly tell us when the next available appointment with Mr. Walters is?
RReceptionist
May, next year.
Jo
You’re joking.
RReceptionist
His books are full.
All right, all right. You get the message.
God, even my dog’s got bigger vocabulary than that.
A lot was a waste of time.
Well, what we need to do is we need to get through her to him.
Yeah, and let them hear some of our music.
Jo
Yeah. And how are we gonna do that?
Uh. I’ve got a plan. Huddle, guys.
Jo
Cake.
Um, bite on my hamburger?
Bradley, you weren’t listening when I told you the plan, were you?
But we’re a band, Mr. Walters.
The S Club 7, Mr. Walters.
Jo
And we want to sing you a song.
But we bought you presents.
CGChorus: girls, boys
S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party, oh)
Gonna show you how (Everybody, get down tonight) (Oh, yeah, yeah)
S Club (There ain’t no party like an S Club party)
Gonna take you high (Shake your body from side to side)
PCPost-Chorus: All
(Ooh, ooh) Wave your hands in the air
(Ooh, ooh) Like you just don’t care
(Ooh, ooh) There’s a party over there
(Ooh, ooh) There’s a party over there
Ha, ha! Nothing. But not bad at all. And now get out of here.
No, wait. We’re singing at the high school prom tomorrow night.
Would you come and see us?
Really? My son goes there.
Oh, great. So does that mean you’re gonna come and see us soon?
Well, you know, I’m not sure the thing is my son doesn’t have a date for the prom.
I said my son doesn’t have a date for the prom.
Yeah, I heard you the first time.
No. I don’t think you did. My son needs a date for the prom.
That’s okay. Rachel will go with him.
How kind of you to offer he accepts.
No, listen. I’m really sorry, but I can’t take your son to the school prom. I already had… (Jo stamps Rachel’s foot) Ow!
Sore foot! She was just gonna say she’s got a sore… uh!
No problem. My son’s not that good dancer, anyway. Leave your address with the secretary. We’ll pick you up at 7pm.
Well, Rach, it’s for the good of the band.
Oh, yeah, and don’t worry about Sam. We’ll take care of him.
Yeah. That’s what worries me.
Jo
She walks a bit slowly though, doesn’t she?
How come he can never catch her up when she walks so slowly?
The door was unlocked downstairs so I just let myself in.
But you’re early. 2 hours early.
Oh, I’m sorry. You’re not ready yet, are you?
No. But, that’s not the problem. I have something to tell you. I’m afraid I can’t go out with you tonight.
No. Well, I am going, but… Well, it’s a long story, but basically I have to take Billy Walters.
I’m sorry. I really am, but so you don’t have to go alone. I’ve found an alternative date for you.
Oh, thanks, but no thanks. If I can’t go with you, then I’m just not gonna go at all.
Well, at least let me introduce you before you make up your mind. (to Jo, Tina and Hannah) Girls?
JTJo, Tina and Hannah
Hi, Sam.
Th-They are my date? All of them?
This is the happiest day of my life.
So, plan A: We sing at the prom. Mr. Walters loves us. We get a record contract which leads to… (opening her fan) worldwide domination.
Sorry. I, I, I wasn’t expecting. I’m a little nervous.
Um, Billy? Where’s your dad? Is he in the car or is he coming later?
Oh, yeah. My dad said to say he’s not coming because his books are full.
Jo
(to Rachel) Plan B, it all goes horribly wrong.
Do you not want to be my date anymore?
Of course I do. Come on. We’re gonna have a great time.
So, are you girls ready to go?
Jo
We’re ready.
I really can’t believe that you’re taking Hannah, Tina and Jo to the prom.
I know. 3 dates. Well, this is gonna be the best evening ever.
So, why don’t you tell me about yourselves?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys! One at a time, okay? Why don’t we start with you, Jo?
Jo
All right. Um, but first of all, I’m a bit hot, so can you take my jacket?
Yeah, and I’m a bit cold, so can you go and get mine?
Ugh! I don’t like that. Can you get me something else? Something orangey, but not orange juice or squash and nothing with bubbles.
Jo
Ah. Get some other one of those, will ya? I’m parched.
Okay. I’ll be right back.
B1Bully #1
Hey. Thought you said you had a date, Mr. Geek.
B2Bully #2
Who’s your date, dork-o?
B1Bully #1
Where is she, Mr. Nerds Bill?
B1Bully #1
You’re his date?
Well, I had to fight a few other girls off first, but I finally got him in to notice me.
Hey, sir. Do you wanna dance?
No. I don’t feel like dancing. Sam, let’s go outside.
Jo
No. I’m hungry. Why don’t we go and get some food?
No! He wants to dance! Don’t you, sir?
He doesn’t! He wants to go outside! Don’t you, sir?!
Jo
He doesn’t! He wants to go and get some food! Don’t you, Sam?!
B1Bully #1
Look at his geeky glasses.
B2Bully #2
And his stupid hair and square clothes.
I think your clothes are great and your hair is really sexy.
W-Wo-Would you like to dance with me?
B1Bully #1
(laughs) Look at the nerd dance!
B2Bully #2
Hey, Billy, you’re such a jerk!
What are you talking about? He’s a wicker dancer!
Yeah, I mean we all dance around, don’t we?
Yeah. It’s the latest thing.
Jo
I want chips. English chips. Not American chips.
And get me a sandwich, will you? Not from here. From the deli across the road.
And take my jacket and get me another drink!
Jo
And hurry up about it. We’re on stage in a minute.
Time when you are, isn’t it?
Jo
Yeah.
(sighs) What a nightmare.
L.A. 7 · 159 quotes
